How you Know Baseball Sucks

Look, there's a reason that people who hate sports love baseball. 'Cause it sucks. I'll prove it; go outside right now, walk up to the first person you can find (man or woman) with dyed hair, a visible tattoo, a facial piercing, or whatever other hip piece of artillery that proves they're "anti-establishment." Then ask them what they hate most about professional sports. After they finish with their idiotic diatribe about how athletes are paid too much (mark my words, they will invariably give this beyond infantile argument), and how they don't "get" what the big deal about LeBron James is, or how they just feel that the "X-treme" braniacs spinning around on skateboards (snowboards) are the real athletes. Then, and only then (after they've completely gotten these ridiculous arguments out of their system), ask them if there is a major sport they do like. You will find that they always say baseball. Even the hippest, punkest, streetest, skateboardiest X-Treme minuteman will tell you: they kinda dig on baseball. Why? Because they can understand it. Because it's slow and boring, and requires very little physical talent. Guys can play it on a high level well into their 40s, which is a sure sign they're not running much. And it all makes sense; people love a sport they feel they could play without a lifetime of training and hard work (which is not to say baseball players don't train hard, just that they rarely have to exhibit what they've been training for). We love baseball because it's the only sport where it seems entirely possible that the 400 pound slob sitting two rows behind you wolfing down hot dogs at the stadium, could at any moment leap from his seat, storm the field, and be the home team's new cleanup hitter. And as Babe Ruth, Cecil Fielder and Mo Vaughn have proved, that's actually true. It's the same reason they love skateboarding so much. If a 15 year old kid who's only been doing it since he was 11 can become an elite competitor, there's hope for all of us. Still, in X-Treme sports' defense, it is a hell of a lot more entertaining than baseball.