Sportswag Moving!!

We're getting a full-on real site. It's still under construcshe, but if you want to take a peek: www.sportswag.org
Hit it up! There's nothing there yet, but soon it'll be your favorite workplace diversion. For now, keep coming here everyday for goodness of all kind. Today's been slow (and I've been busy at work), but in general there's goodness...
Thanks to Au; loyal contributor, good Catholic, and snappy dresser, for setting us up with new digs.

Greatest Video Footage In History?

Thank you, thank you, thank you, is all I can say to The Painted Area for posting this golden video of JRich humiliating Boozer in the Rook-Soph game a few years ago. As a Clevelander living in San Fran, there is nothing more satisfying than seeing Carlos Loozer get pwned, by a Warrior no less (even if he was still a Cav at the time). I can't believe the crowd didn't erupt and rush the court, And1 style, after a play like this. Enjoy:

Cavs Usher in Another Playoff Victory

Previously I blogged about Jay-Z's involvement with the New Jersey Nets, so in the interest of full disclosure, it is worth noting that Usher is a minority owner of the Cleveland Cavs.


I would also be clapping if I owned part of the Cavs. Every player on the Cavs starting five logged double digits in game two, and LeBron James was truly on fire, scoring 32 points and contributing 12 assists. The Cavs continue to dominate the offensive boards and second chance points with the help of Anderson Varejao, who finished with 6 offensive rebounds.

The Nets didn't help their cause - Jason Kidd had 8 turnovers, which equals the number of turnovers the Cavs roster combined. Ultimately, the Cavs shot the ball 21 times more than New Jersey, so even though the Nets were shooting around 51% from the field, the Cavs come away with the win. In case you're feeling sorry for Kidd, remember that he is an alleged wife beater.

Now the series moves to New Jersey. I previously predicted a Cavs win in six, but I would like to revise that to five, maybe even four. It isn't out of the realm of possibility that Cleveland will steal one of the Nets two home games away from them, and if it is game three then I expect the Nets to be demoralized and worn out in game four.

Local News: Run SteJax, Run!

TrueHoop noticed something in my own local paper, the SF Chronicle, that I missed. Probably because I don't read that commie rag too religiously (read: at all). It's kind of sad how much I don't pay attention to local news (that commie comment was just to make me feel better... and they are a bunch of pinkos).
At any rate, for those of you linkophobes who didn't click above, the gist of the article is that Stephen Jackson has a court date on Thursday. Remember when he fired his gun in public last summer? You don't? Maybe that's because winning a playoff series makes people forget a lot of things.
So he has a game in Utah Wednesday, a court date in Indiana Thursday, and another game in California Friday. Essentially SteJax is gonna need a court sanctioned delay (or continuance for all you Boston Legal fans) or a jury full of Warriors fans in order to not miss Game 3. And should he be swiftly found guilty, he could be missing even more time. Like 3 to 5 years...
There's a wind of uncertainty blowing through the Bay Area today...

A Burner's Sill Owns Rust

Yeah, that's an anagram for Bulls, Warriors, Suns, Nets. Call it a 2nd round losergram. A burner's sill owns rust.
The Bulls went down 2-0, but I still cling to the belief that this one's going 7 games. The Baby Bulls shot like 30% from the field last night. That won't happen in Chicago. As soon as they rediscover their stroke, this will be an interesting series. I promise.
The Nets didn't look bad against your favorite and mine, the Cavs. But that's all part of Bronski's plan. He's like the giant spider from the Lord of the Rings, except the spider probably would have made a funnier Sprite commercial. Only a few places bothered to pick up on the fact that it's now been over a month since the last time the Cavs lost a game. They may not be setting the world on fire, but they'll be mighty rested when it comes time to go toe to toe with the Detroit bad boys.
The Spurs are a bunch of hard assed, stone cold, killing machines. Just meat and potatoes. The Suns gave it their best shot, but there's no beating Timmy. Duncan's like the house in Vegas. Sure you'll win a bet here and there, but in the end, as the saying goes, the house always wins. The Spurs in the playoffs are like Dolph Lundgren in Universal Soldier. Although Manu Ginobili is unlikely to make a necklace out of the Spurs ears at the end of this series...
The Warriors are just about the only game 1 loser that walked away looking like they won. Utah's only hope was to walk into game 1 and slaughter the Warriors. That would've been the only way to stop the momentum. Instead they walked in and made it clear to the Warriors that the dream continues. If you thought Oracle Arena was bumping for round 1, just wait 'til you see the city of Oakland in round 2. We are gonna shake the building. The Jazz are good, but they've got no chance in Oakland, and now Golden State knows they can win in Salt Lake City.
So in review: Bulls will lose, Nets will lose, Suns will lose, Warriors will win.
A Burner's Sill Owns Rust... think about it. It's better than A Boner's Slur Swirls Nuts.

Pistons Firing on All Cylinders

Ho-ly sheet! The Pistons play against the Bulls demonstrates they are in no mood for a repeat of their performance against the Cavs in the second round of the NBA Playoffs last year. Yes, Detroit beat Cleveland in the second round, but it was in a grueling seven game series that left them weakened to the eventual champs, the Miami Heat.

I know I said the Pistons would win this series, but can I revise the "in seven" part of my prediction? Chris Webber hits 10 out of 11 shots for 91 % FG, which sets a new team record, and I'm left wondering if Chicago can recover...

There is a glimmer of hope - these first two games played out more or less how I expected - Detroit won games one and two at home. Now it's time to pack it up and fly across Lake Michigan for a showdown in the windy city. The Bulls have been knocked down a peg or two, but the ball is in their court now.

I feel bad for Chicago, I've been sitting here pouring over their roster, and they really don't have the pieces to complete the puzzle. When two big men coming off the bench, Tyrus Thomas (18 pts) and Andres Nocioni (12 pts), score more point than your starting guards, Ben Gordon (13 pts) and Kurt Hinrich (2 pts), you are not going to win. Hell, Thomas alone scored more points than the starting guards.

For Chicago to win, it is going to take more than their big men. It is going to take their entire team. I know it is cliche, but spread the court!

Detroit is so complete, so well polished on both ends of the court, so veteran, so fundamental. The Pistons have taken away all of the momentum the Bulls had charging into the second round after sweeping the Heat. I fully expect a better showing from the Bulls when they play in Chicago, because to be honest, how could it be much worse?

Monday Biz

First, big thanks to GasFace for his guest bloggerizing of the Swag. We got straight gassed, son. Stay tuned for more from the Gas one, as the Bulls-Pistons and Cavs-Nets series' unfold.

Next, after yesterday's Phoenix v. San Antone melee, there can be no doubt Steve Nash is the league's MVP. Either him or TDuncs, but whichever one of them it is, it sure as hell isn't Dirk "Early Exit" Nowitzki. In fact, watching Nash play through a Rocky Balboa-like bleeder on his face just makes the handing of the MVP to Dirk that much more of a joke.

Don't be fooled by the Pistons' game 1 shellacking of Chicago. This is still gonna be a hell of a series. The Bulls needed a game to find their sea legs. Now that they got that one out of their system, I'm expecting them to give the Pistons fits at home and hell on the road. This baby's going to 7 games. I like the Pistons to defend their home court and come out on top.

Cavs baby, Cavs. We didn't look magical, but Bronny gets the job done. That's all we need. We can ride the King all the way to the big show if we play our cards right. Look for the Cavs to dominate the match ups they can control. Nobody expects Larry Hughes to light the world on fire against J-Kidd, and Bronny on Jefferson or Carter isn't exactly a dream come true on defense for the Cavs. But Z, Gooden and Varejao should all have their ways with Miki Moore, Josh Boone and Jason Collins. I'm also looking to Eric Snow for a big defensive and experience push for Cleveland. He did it last year for the Cavs against the Wizards.

Shed a tear for TMac. I can't believe Utah stole this one. I knew it would be a tough series, and Utah's no bunch of slouches, but how does a team with Mac and Yao (not to mention Shane Batty) not get out of the first round? Either way this spells good news for the Warriors, I think. The Jazz are an excellent defensive team, but I feel like Yao would have absolutely eaten the Warriors alive in the paint. I don't think Golden State would have been able to play "small ball" against the Rockets. They should be right in their wheel house against the Jazz' 3 forward-2 guard lineup.
We still believe, Bay Area, don't let the fire die down. We can ride this wave of momentum all the way into a West Finals blood bath with San Antone or Phoenix.

Nets-Cavs: Dynasty vs. Dynasty

Back in 2004 Bruce Ratner bought the NJ Nets for $300 with the help of an investment team that included Jay-Z .

Make no mistake, this new management team has been making power moves. As well as I thought Jason Kidd meshed with Kenyon Martin, there is no doubt that Vince Carter is leagues better. Jason Kidd, Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson are an East coast version of the Phoenix Sun's run and gun style of play.

I have a feeling that Larry Hughes and Sasha Pavlovic are not suited defensively to play against Kidd and Jefferson, so I expect to see E. Snow and Anderson Varejao to produce some solid minutes off the bench. The Cavs have an advantage with their big man, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, who averaged a double-double during the regular season - watch for the first play of the game to be Z. down and inside on the basket. Lebron James and Vince Carter should be playing each other up and down the court. That's the match-up to watch.


Speaking of LeBron, this is the sort of image that causes the hearts of Cleveland fans to stop for a moment.

For now Cleveland can breath a collective sigh of relief, since LeBron is locked into his contract for a few more years. But if the Jigga man moves the Nets to Brooklyn like he plans to do and Cleveland doesn't close the deal by the end of LeBron's contract...well, I got 99 Problems...

In any case, Cavs win this series in six to advance to the conference finals.

Can the Motor City Compete with Bullpower?

First, a tip of the hat to the Cap'n for the invite and congrats to his Warriors for their surprising and dramatic upset over the Mavs. Game 6 was one of those games that reaches beyond NBA fans. Even if someone doesn't watch basketball, all you have to do is tell them about Stephen Jackson's seven three-pointers or Baron Davis balling out with a pulled hamstring and they suddenly share the excitement of the game.

BUT TODAY IS PISTON-BULLS. So that's what we will be talking about. Game one tips off very shortly, and Detroit has home court advantage. The Bulls are coming off a tremendous series against the defending world champs. Not only beating the Heat, but sweeping them. However, the Pistons are an entirely different team.

Not to detract from the Bulls victory over Miami, but D. Wade was coming back from an injury and Shaq is getting old. The Bulls will have some serious competition with the Pistons. Every single game is going to be hard fought. But when it is all said and done, I'm going to have to say Detroit wins it in seven games.

Just the fact that I said the Bulls will have some serious competition with the Pistons (instead of saying the Pistons will have some serious competition with the Bulls) shows how much of a threat the Bulls are. The Pistons better watch their backs. Ben Wallace took a piece of Detroit's championship dreams when he moved to Chicago - and he has shared it with his teammates. It's going to come down to the strongest starting line-up in the East vs. the deepest team in the East. So crack open a cold one, sit back, and enjoy the ride because this should be the start of a beautiful rivalry.

WE'VE DONE IT!!

Yes we! Bay Area fans are the 6th man of this squad. We just humiliated the Mavericks. It's on!! Next round here we come!! Go Warriors!!!!!!!!

Incidentally, as the game was ending just now on TNT, Cuban said something angry to the camera as he passed by. It was inaudible, any lip readers with Tivo, get on this.

WARRRRRRRRRIORS

6 and a half minutes to go, Warriors up 21.

The Bay Area is about to explode. Make no mistake, after this game wraps up in about 15 or 20 minutes, we will take to the streets.
Lock up your daughters, lock up your wife. Lock up your back door and run for your life.
When I finally calm down, I'll get in depth about the greatest playoff upset in history.
The City is back.

Nice Change of Pace?

I suppose this would count as the first of the coming wave of football posts. As you loyal Swagites well know, the only sports we really enjoy to the fullest here at Sport Swag are basketball and football. And since the basketball season will finally be coming to an end soon enough, we will fill our days with football news and nonsense. Here's the first; file it under nonsense... extremely homoerotic nonsense.


Of course this came from With Leather, and of course we couldn't resist. This is the new face of our beloved Browns, and that's his hand on his friend's beloved wang. I guess it's a nice change of pace from all the ass slapping he does as a football player. Although I reckon if he tries to change the genitalia patting paradigm from back to front, he'll find resistance.
Violent, ass whooping resistance.

Blargh! That Dude Got Jacked Up!

Another slice of life (death?) from With Leather. Lacrosse is a painfully boring sport, but hits like this would go along way to getting the sport off public access and on a more respectable channel... like Spike TV.

Suns and Spurs

No shocks here. Suns and Spurs finish off the ill deserving Nuggs and Lackeys. Kobe's a punk. Nash is a gamer, the true MVP. Spurs Suns is about to be an excellent series. Tomorrow night, Bay Area get ready...

Brendan Haywood: Unemployed Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Nameplate

Brendan Haywood didn't play a single minute in Game 4 and left the bench area before the buzzer sounded. He was also the first Wizard out of the locker room. To make his future in Washington even more of a long shot, the nameplate above his locker stall already was missing when reporters filed in for post game comments. Washington Post

What the hell is the deal? First Telfair gets fired via locker nameplate removal, now Haywood too. Since when did the nameplate become a status symbol? I have a nameplate on my desk at work, I still don't make shit.
Okay I'm lying, I don't have a nameplate...
But Brendan Haywood and Sebastian Telfair don't either, so that puts me in pretty mediocre company. In fact, those two guys are like the Mellon and Rockefeller of mediocre.
I'm a mediocrity baron.

Matt Barnes: It's Getting Ugly in Here

When asked about relations between the Mavs and Warriors, Matty Barnes had this to say (from Mercury News):

"The bottom line is, we don't like each other," Warriors forward Matt Barnes said. "We don't like them, they don't like us. It's going to get chippy, there's going to be hard fouls and that's the way we like to play."

I love this kind of mean spirited trash talk. Matt Barnes deserves special recognition for how he's played in this series. He's been phenomenal. Clearly Baron is the MVP, but Barnes has been the lightning rod, the intangibles factory, and the clutch-shot machine for the Warriors.
Add tattooed, ass whooping, Dirk dominating, destroyer to that list.

Cuban: Crazy or Right?

Part of me loves Mark Cuban. His fire, his money, his team, the fact that he's one of a small handful of owners who look like they genuinely love the game and want their teams to win beyond profits.
The other part of me wants to punch this whiny, spoiled, entitled, chubby faced, goatee-sporting assbag right in his man-boobs.

When he bitched and moaned about a referee against Dallas, I ignored it as the crybabying of a rich punk. But the refs have done everything in their power to hand this series to the Mavs. Last night Baron got a 6th foul on a no-contact play and, moments later, Stephen Jackson was ejected for what appeared to be absolutely nothing. This all handed the Warriors legendary victory right to Dallas.

But it doesn't phase me.

No, the Warriors will not be stopped by such foolishness. Tomorrow in Oakland, Baron and the boys are gonna TCB.

Okay, enough posturing. I don't think there's a "conspiracy," of any kind, but it's just clear; Golden State has Dallas' number, and the refs don't know how to play it. They're either calling fouls at the worst possible time, for no reason, or they're letting the guys play knock down, drag out ball with no calls in the early going.

I wish we could just let them play.

If the foul doesn't clearly alter the play, keep your damn hands off the whistle. It always ends up looking like the refs were out to screw the losers when their calls end up deciding the game.

So no, Cuban's not right. And he's also not crazy. But he clearly wasn't complaining after the refs gift wrapped game 5 for him last night.

WARRIORS

It's good to live in the Bay Area. Baron Davis, Matt Barnes, Stephen Jackson, Mickael Pietrus are legends. 5:49 to go in the fourth quarter of game 5. Warriors up a point and they have the ball. Is history about to be made?


UPDATE: The answer is no. history will have to wait for thursday night in Oakland...

Understandable

Apologies to Nathaniel Friedman on my Slate rant yesterday. He commented on the blog, and I re-read his article. I still don't quite "agree," but I can see where he's going with it. I really kind of misunderstood it when I read it yesterday.
He's not advocating a shortening from the standpoint of someone who obsesses over basketball (me), but rather the "casual fan." And I can understand that most fans don't go home from work and park in front of the tube for 6 straight hours of Ernie, Charles, Kenny and the playoffs... everyday. And most of them don't play in 3 fantasy leagues and follow the stats and as many games as possible, all year, for all the teams. Additionally, I'd imagine, most of them don't know what the PER is, or the +/-, or why you should never listen to what Bill Walton is saying. (Even as I write this, I start to wonder; am I watching too much? The answer is no.)
So for them (being the vast majority of fans), I understand why he preferred the best-of-5 first round to the best-of-7, and he does actually make a good point about how more than half the league makes the playoffs. That doesn't really seem right when you think about it. Still, maybe it would just be better if we added an additional round or three, and just included all the rest of the teams...
Can you say 1 seed vs. 15 seed? 4 months of playoffs? 80 games in 80 nights? Lordy, that would be kick ass...

Slate's Idea of a "Sports Nut"

Apparently Slate, the respected online magazine, thinks a "sports nut," is someone who encourages you not to follow sports. This is Nathaniel Friedman. And this is what he thinks about the NBA playoffs. (Hat tip to GasFace for bringing this to my attention)
I'm shocked frankly, because I think he's also one of the guys behind FreeDarko which is a sweet blog.
He opens it up with a jaw dropper:

Even the most die-hard basketball fans think that the NBA playoffs are too long.

I'm a die-hard fan. I hang out with a few die-hard fans, and I read a bunch of other die-hard fans. And I'm being 100% honest when I tell you, I've never heard even a single one of them lament the length of the NBA Playoffs. Friedman raises a good point about the length and arduous nature of the playoffs, or "second season." But true "die-hard fans" get revved up by that. This is my favorite time of year. Now a good argument can be made to shorten the regular season. By shortening the grueling 82 game regular season, the players would be fresher, and therefore the post season would be more exciting, with a higher level of play.
Loving basketball as much as I do, I wish they'd just make the damn thing year round and add more games, but I see the wisdom in a proposed shortening of the regular season. But the playoffs are where the best games happen! The best players get to show their best stuff and we get to watch all of it! Proposing to cut that short is heresy.
Friedman continues with a comparison to football and baseball that attempts to illustrate why you should just watch part of the game (maybe the most asinine concept I've ever heard of...). All it does is illustrate why basketball is the greatest sport on earth. The game doesn't stop every 2 seconds, there are no long periods of guys just standing around. That's not a bad thing, that's one of the reasons basketball is both an action game, and a thinking man's game.
But if you're in a hurry, and looking for summaries, here's one: skip Friedman's article, close your laptop, watch every minute of playoffs basketball you can, celebrate the Cavs' victories with alcohol.
(And the congregation says) Amen.

Gilbert Arenas: Douchebag?

In the pantheon of satisfying Cleveland sports moments (and believe me, it's a wee tiny pantheon), LeBron's psych out of Agent Zero at the end of game 6 of the 2006 playoffs ranks very high. For two reasons: LeBron wrote himself into playoff lore by whispering in Arenas' ear, and the Cavs won their first playoff series in 200 years. But I just found a third; I frickin' hate Arenas.
What kind of self obsessed, obnoxious little prick is this guy? Apparently the kind who'll call a press conference to announce he's on the cover of a video game. Even Samus Aron, famous for being a diva, didn't call a press conference when she made the cover of Metroid.

Adrian Wojnarowski does an excellent job of taking Arenas to task in his latest blog entry. Read that here. Well played Woj.

What a douchebag. But even more annoying is the fact that Arenas is not traveling with the Wizards, he's not rooting for them, helping their ailing confidence, trying to get in the Cavs' heads, nothing. Caron Butler is doing everything he can, short of cracking open his cast and jumping on the court in his suit. Caron Butler is a young beast, full of heart, good spirits and team camaraderie.
Arenas is a prick, and there's only one thing he's full of: himself.
And shit. Okay, 2 things...

I'd Love to See This Dude in a Dunk Contest

No really, I'd love to see this dude in a dunk contest.
The NFL draft happened this past weekend. Much reason to celebrate in Oakland, San Fran and Cleveland. So I'm happy. But the Bills have locked up my new favorite player, John Wendling. Peep this nugget of gold (purloined from With Leather):



Yeah, that's 66 inches. Note to opposing quarter backs: throw high.
Real high.

Kanye isn't the Only Attraction in Chi-town

That's for damn sure.
The Bulls are the toast of the town once again. They absolutely embarrassed the Heat on Saturday, completing an improbable 4 game sweep of the defending champs. So much for the "Baby Bulls." These are men.
And these men may be the best team in the East. Detroit no longer looks like the clear favorite. They can turn it on and off at will, but they don't look nearly as hungry as they did 2 years ago. The Cavs have had the Bulls' number over the last couple years, but as much as I love the Wine and Gold, I think the Bulls just look like a more complete team.
They're fun as hell to watch, playing an 80's style of fundamentals-first basketball. But just to cover their bases they do have Ben Gordon, a Vinnie Johnson-style chucker who will either catch fire and torch you, or be cold as ice. I'm just hoping the Bulls'll be too tuckered after going 7 with the Pistons to go 7 with the Cavs...
Here's hoping.

Bulls, Pistons, Cavs, Nets, Suns... Warriors?

San Antone and Denver is an interesting series. The Spurs are clearly superior, but Denver is an excellent team and they're playing their asses off. Houston and Utah is damn sure turning into a 7 game duke-fest for supremacy. So none of them can be lumped into the group of teams whooping serious ass in the first round.
The Bulls and Pistons successfully completed sweeps, humiliating their respective opponents. The Cavs should join that club by finishing their sweep of the Wizards tonight. Despite all the shit being talked all over the league about how great the Raptors are, they will likely be shown the door tomorrow night on their own home court. The Nets have pretty much wrapped up a very convincing argument that they are not only better than the Raps, but so much better it's not really even a contest. The Suns gave me a scare losing that one game to the Lakers, but as I expected, Kobe's heroics are really only good for 1, maybe 2 games in a series. Unless a miracle occurs, Suns should take it in 5.
Which leaves only one series. I certainly expected that I'd group that series in with the other slaughterhouses. But I expected to be talking about a Mavs sweep. I never thought in a million years I'd be writing about the Warriors with a 3-1 lead. I was at Oracle arena in Oakland last night to watch Baron Davis wash away years of bad memories of shoddy work ethic, poor conditioning, injury, disappointment, lack of leadership, bad breath and dandruff, with a legendary performance in a blemish-free Game 4 take down of the Mavericks.
It was a glory to behold.
The Warriors played defense. For real, no-shit, man-up, lock down defense. Dirk had a good game, but he looked tamed out there. Mikael Pietrus is a defensive whirlwind who can drain 3s. Matt Barnes may be the most energetic, level headed, fundamentally sound 6th man in the business. Biedrins is a spry 7 ft rebound machine, and he's faster than the dickens. Monta Ellis is a breath of fresh air in a sea of disappointing prep-to-pro air heads. Jason Richardson? How about one of the most versatile, athletic, high energy guards in the league. Al Harrington has been cold on the offensive end, but never out of energy. Baron Davis and Stephen Jackson are writing their names into playoff legend. They're hitting shots, creating shots, playing D, and hyping up the home crowd like you can't imagine.
When Baron hit a nearly half-court 3 pointer at the buzzer before half time there was a palpable feeling in Oakland. A foreign emotion for Bay Area basketball fans that's as tangible as the 20,000 "We Believe," towels being twirled by the Warriors faithful:

We can win this.

And not just one game, or one series. The Warriors are a threat. A scrappy, energetic threat to the NBA's Southwest power elite. Dallas is soiling their pants wondering what to do next. That's for sure. But you have to start wondering if Houston, San Antonio or Phoenix can have much more luck against this rowdy bunch from Oakland. Buckle up Bay Area fans. The Warriors mean business.

Dave D'Alessandro: Pinko?

READ THIS

Now tell me you're not thinking the same thing as me: This D'Alessandro guy is a pinko, socialist, turncoat, french fries & gravy eating mofo if ever I've seen one.

It is a truly glorious place, this vast white suburb of Detroit, inhabited by 32 million people of generous spirit. The best part is they really want nothing in return, which is convenient because those of us on this side of the border don't really give back much.
They send us these magnificent gusts of fresh air in the spring and fall; we send back acid rain and other forms of environmental pollution. They give us Joni Mitchell and Bruce Cockburn; we send them Bill O'Reilly and MTV. They send us some really good adult beverages; we reward them by taxing their timber.

Ummm... Bruce Cockburn? Who the hell thanks Canada for this guy:

And let's not forget Brian Adams, Celine Dion and Mike Myers. Here's how I'd thank them for those 3; a punch in the stomach. I guess Bill O'Reilly sucks, but we also sent them The Ramones, Jenna Jameson and crack-cocaine. Not to mention a whole generation of hippie draft dodgers, who have no doubt become successful pillars of society. At least by Canadian standards. Granted MTV sucks hard, but without it, where would Bruce Cockburn have gotten the idea for those hard rocking earrings in his right ear. Let me sum up Canada's contributions to the world this way: Barenaked Ladies, Sandra Bullock, Robert Goulet, enough said. Actually I'm shocked he didn't mention Steve Nash, maybe Canada's only truly valuable contribution to society.

But really I'm more disturbed by the veracity with which people in general (and D'Alessandro specifically) are jumping on the Raptor band wagon. I get it, they're good. Great, grand, wonderful. They're still a punk ass 47 win team that will be losing in the first round very soon to the Nets, who are themselves not that good. They roped in the majority of those 47 wins playing against the worst collection of teams in pro sports, the Eastern Conference Atlantic Division.

They do have, as D'Alessandro says, a guy finishing in the top 5 in MVP voting (Bosh), one of the better PGs in the game (TJ Ford), One of the best rookies in the game (Bargnani), and a bench full of solid role fillers, like Mo Pete, Calderon and Garbajosa. So my question isn't why are they so good, but why aren't they better? Essentially the heat on the Raptors sounds a lot to me like the heat on the Magic at the end of last season. And as we have now discovered in round 1 against Detroit; they still suck.

Have You Seen Her?

If you're asking do I watch WNBA? The answer is no. Given a choice between watching WNBA and watching warbly 1987 VHS copies of "This Old House," I would choose the latter. WNBA is barely more interesting than baseball.

Until this!

Woah! Punching out an opponent. That's very Ron Artest of Miss Jackson. Of course when when she was detained by the multiple Israeli soldiers armed with M16 grenade launching assault rifles, I'm sure she toned down her fiery rhetoric. Still, a punch out is good for me tuning into one WNBA game this season. In fact, new rule: every time a WNBA player punches someone out, I'll watch a game. Two games if they do it on the court, rather than in the parking lot.
This could be WNBA's golden opportunity to boost ratings, and avoid folding for one more season.

Mario Kart Counts as Sports, Right?

This would be way cooler if there was an actual race course and the karts shot stuff at each other. But it is kind of a cool concept. This might be the next step for those pocket RCs.

Jews Love Colangelo?

Maybe... Check this nauseating little bit from the Toronto Star about how Bryan Colangelo got Anthony Parker from Maccabi Tel Aviv:

Colangelo offered $1 million and then $1.5 million to try to get Parker out. He thought that would be enough: Under the terms of the NBA's collective bargaining agreement, the most a team can pay to buy out a player is $500,000.
The rest of the money comes from the departing player.
In the end, as both a symbolic and significant buyout the Raptors offered $1.8 million to free Parker to sign in Toronto.
The 1.8 number comes from the Hebrew number 18, the number Parker now wears on his Toronto uniform: The Jewish symbol signifying life.
"I think they appreciated the figure," Colangelo said. "I've had others tell me that." Toronto Star

As a Jew who loves Israel, let me just say, this was the kind of gesture that Maccabi Tel Aviv smiled and shook hands over, then rolled their eyes as they turned away.

Yes it's true that 18 is the numerical equivalent of the Hebrew letters "chet" (pronounced like coughing up a hairball) and "yood". The two letters together spell "chai" (also pronounced like coughing up a hairball). As anyone who's ever seen Fiddler on the Roof can tell you, "chai" means "life."

And since the executives at Maccabi Tel Aviv are essentially Ewoks, this clever little play mystified the Israeli suits into letting Anthony "Peak After 30" Parker go for under market value. Colangelo pulled a C3PO on them, and convinced them he was a deity, come to reclaim Parker.

That's apparently the way Colangelo sees it. And, coincidentally, in a recent interview when asked about the future of the Raptors, he cryptically only answered, "If I were a rich man, yi da di da di da di..."

Look, the execs for Maccabi Tel Aviv, former EuroLeague champs, aren't bushmen, and they're not gonna trade the franchise for beads. They knew they were pretty much gonna lose Parker either way, so they wanted as much money as possible to court replacements. It's really that simple. I'd be willing to bet that they didn't even make the connection between the 1.8 and "life."

Colangelo didn't bottle the wind for them, or reconnect them with their ancestral spirits. He paid them. Believe it or not, in foreign lands basketball is still a business.

Which is not to say that Bryan Colangelo isn't welcome in the Swag HQ for Passover, we'd love to have him. Just save the cultural communing and clever trickery for the Euro League team from Endor.

We ain't buying.

LeBron's Sprite Disaster

LeBron's Sprite commercial that's been playing every 35 seconds on TNT playoff coverage, and just came on as I'm writing this (let's see if I can finish the post before the commercial ends... awww crap), is just awful. It's painfully not funny. Like a dentist dressed as a clown, but who isn't being jolly and is scaling your gums without anesthesia.
You've seen it; it has Bronny shooting up a giant tongue with lemon and lime paint balls. The whole thing is supposed to be like subliminal messaging, only they club you in the face with all the images, so it doesn't really activate your subconscious... although I do feel like playing paintball. It feels like they were hedging their bets, thinking "either they'll think it's avant garde and cool, or they'll think it's ridiculous and funny."
I also take issue with their "lymon," ad campaign for two reasons. First, that's not ground breaking. Citrus sodas were founded on the concept of lemon and lime. They've always featured the mix. From 7Up through Mello Yellow, none of them were strictly lemon, or strictly lime. The fact that Sprite is unveiling the lemon and lime together in a drink like it's an SUV that runs on Tang is just insulting. Secondly, and this may be the most important factor, "lymon," purports to be a mix between lemon and lime, which is all well and good. But neither the word lemon, nor the word lime, feature the letter "Y."
And as I wrap this up, it comes on again... I'm buying stock in 7Up.

More Game 2s

The Bulls racked the Heat last night, and it's official: I love the freakin' Bulls. Luol Deng and Adres Nocioni are both in my top 10 list of players the Cavs need before they can take the next step, and Hinrich is the prototype of what a point guard should be. Ben Gordon doesn't always take the smartest shots, but he can hit from anywhere, and more & more I find myself impressed with his driving ability. The front court combo of Wallace, Brown and Thomas can clearly tangle with any front court in the league. Duhon is as competent a backup point as there is in the league, and could probably start on most teams. And as if that all weren't enough, Thabo Sefolosha is rapidly becoming one of my favorite rookies. Not to mention they're the best defensive team in the playoffs outside of San Antonio. Watching the game last night, all I could think was how old the Bulls make the Heat look. Anybody still clinging to the illusion that the Heat can repeat needs to wake up. Maybe if Wade were 100%... maybe. But he's clearly not all the way back yet. This one's as good as over.
I like the Suns almost as much as I like the Bulls. And now I have another reason to love them; they make Kobe look like a WNBA player. Last night they beat the Lakers to the tune of 30 points, and for the majority of the 2nd and 3rd quarters made the Lakers look like a high school team. A shitty high school team.
The most annoying thing is how much the announcers were slobbering all over him even while he played like crap, his team played like crap, and he didn't even have the decency to go to the sideline and commit harikiri. Kobe misses an ugly turn around jumper in triple coverage? "He's just so hard to cover." Kobe makes an ugly and ill advised pass to a guy who hasn't hit a shot all night (Walton) when he could have easily gone to the bucket? "Kobe sees the court so well." Kobe's team is down 30+ points and he doesn't even look like he cares? "Kobe is such a good leader!" When are we gonna stop calling this guy the greatest? He's got the talent, to be sure, but at this point it should be clear that his ability to win games is, at best, on par with guys like McGrady, Carter and Pierce. They kept talking about the Suns being wary of Kobe miracles, but I can't remember the last "Kobe miracle" I saw. Other than when he turned those stadium nachos into loaves of bread and my 32 oz. Pepsi into wine...

Telfair Upddate (with an extra "d" for a double dose of this pimpin'...)

Gazaaah! Telfair's done. But the controversy might be just beginning... Check this from the Boston Globe.

"I wanted to let you know that we have removed Sebastian's nameplate from his locker in Waltham," wrote Grousbeck. "The facts and circumstances of his case have not been determined but he does not have a Celtics locker and we do not anticipate that he will." Boston Globe

Well that was a weird way to say you're done with the guy. Focus in on the important stuff... his locker. I bet his lawyer will be so utterly owned, he'll have no choice but to sheepishly skulk away...

"I just think that what [the Celtics] did was with the season over they saw a chance to take a public relations shot and they did," said Hayes. "He doesn't do drugs. He doesn't smoke. He takes good care of his family. He's never been involved in any of those deals with beating girlfriends or causing trouble in nightclubs. He is not a guy who embarrasses you. He's a nice young guy. He's had a tough year.
"Why do that [make a public statement about removing the nameplate]? Why not say, 'Give it a little time. We'll see what happened.' They should show more restraint after they told him not to cooperate with police against a group of hoodlums [in the Fabolous case] who have been terrorizing athletes and celebrities across the country." Boston Globe



Woah, did we just veer off into the tangential world of cross country gangsta-chic terroristas? Or is Hayes just referring to the paparazzi, who must incessantly hound Telfair on the red carpet with his A-List friends like Laura Dern and Sam Elliot?

What the hell is going on? Telfair isn't what you might describe as "good" at basketball, but he's also not horrible. He could be a contributor for a team. Frankly, I can't imagine how a dude gets cut for being arrested with a gun, cooperating fully with police in a completely non-violent incident. Meanwhile Stephen Jackson literally fires his gun in public, and doesn't even get suspended.
Am I reading the article correctly? Does it say Telfair could get a minimum of 3 years in jail? Yikes. With his small muscular build and soft angelic features, he'll be the Belle of the ball, if you know what I mean. It also doesn't bode well for him that he's "beefing" with Fabolous, who may or may not have "peeps" who are "on lock" for being "straight up thugs, son." I'm quoting from my standard issue David Stern's Guide to Understanding Hip Hop Culture (the DSGUHHC).

Sebastian Telfair: Through the Fire?

Or just opening fire? Interesting factoid: Sebastian Telfair has had more double-doubles in his career than run ins with the law over gun beefs. That's right, in 3 seasons the documentary film star has had 3 double doubles and 2 gun snafus. When you do the math on that, the Celtics finally realize what the rest of the league has known for a while; Sebastian Telfair sucks, and is not worth the trouble.
And now comes news the Celtics are doing the smart thing; pissing away the millions they spent on him, and "cutting ties." Even if Telfair hadn't gotten arrested, signing him last off season was a stupid gamble aimed at netting Iverson, which would have been a stupid trade. Ainge essentially mortgaged respectability at a chance to get the Answer. He may come out of all this smelling like roses if they land Oden or Durant, but that should be cold comfort to the Celts who remain years away from contending for the playoffs.
I'll admit that even I was wooed by Telfair's upside, but I realized even sooner than the Boston front office that signing Telfair was like bringing a knife to a gun fight.

Game 2s

I feel like George W at an Enron investor's party... everything's coming up Houston. For the second time in 3 days, TMac and Yao dominated Utah in the second half, and snatched victory from their conservative, sometimes polygamist, clutches. Actually, Mehmet looked pretty impressive and gave Yao some problems in the first half. But with his shooting stroke gone cold, the lusty Turk couldn't get it done on the offensive end. TMac was pretty cold in the first half, but he sank 'em when they counted and Houston took a commanding 2-0 lead going back to Salt Lake City.
The Pistons blah-ed their way to another vic against the sorely outclassed Magic. There's really not much to say here other than that the Pistons could win this series in 4 with Rip Hamilton literally playing with his eyes closed. Dwight Howard's shortcomings are being exposed like a roll of film.

Holy Hell!

With Leather has this up, and now I do too. Why? Because it's just the fucking coolest thing I've ever seen.


Watching this makes me want to go to a rave, find the nearest person spinning the idiot-lights on the end of the strings and punch them out.
God I hate ravers, and I love Japanese kids who make the whole scene look worthless and stupid. This dude obviously watched the Smothers Brothers YoYo Man How to Yo-Yo video. I know, because I watched it too... and instantly became Japanese.

Game 1 MVP

Call him Baron, call him B-Diddy. Call him what you want, just call him domination.

Baron Davis in Game 1 against the Mavs:
33 points, 14 rebounds, 8 assists, 3 steals, 1 block, 4 three pointers, 55% FG, 88% FT, 3 TOs

If we see a better game than that all playoffs long, I'd be surprised.

Good to Be a Cavs/Warriors Fan

For Cleveland transplants to the Bay Area, such as myself, there hasn't been a playoff this exciting in a looooooong time. In fact, the Cavs and Warriors haven't won playoff games in the same year since the 1991-92 season. So for 415/216 hybrids like myself, yesterday was a foreign emotion. I couldn't believe my eyes; both the Cavs and Warriors won, and pretty handily at that. Neither team looks like a title contender, but they both look interesting, and they both have a good time in store.
The Warriors barely squeaked into the post season, and being their first time in 12 seasons, they could've gone out 4-0 in thirty point poundings, and you still couldn't wipe the grin off Bay Area faces. We don't care how bad they lose, and neither do they. The result is that they're playing loose, comfortable, scrappy and chaotic. In short; they're playing Nellie Ball. As Dallas fans can attest, it'll never get you to the big show, but it makes for enjoyable and exciting games, lots of three pointers, and just maybe a prayer. With an impressive game 1 steal, the Warriors, once again control their own destiny. All they need to do, however unlikely a feat, is defend Oracle Arena. As long as they can run the board in Oakland, there's a growing possibility we'll get to see Mark Cuban have an aneurysm on national TV.
The Cavs certainly didn't look as punishing and controlling as I may have hoped. And the announcers/pundits/bloggers/assholes have been making them pay. Despite winning by the largest margin of any of the opening games, the Cavs have been roundly panned as the least persuasive winner so far. But I honestly don't mind. Charles Barkley insists the Wizards should be heartened that they can win games, possibly the series. I don't know what game he was watching. The Cavs should still sweep the Wizards, and I don't care if they they win the rest of the games by 1 point each. Getting to the next round in as few games as possible is the priority. The Cavs'll do fine. Pacing themselves in the first round against a sorely over matched opponent is no different from pacing themselves in the regular season. When the Cavs see the Pistons/Bulls/Heat in the conference finals, I want them to be as rested and hard to read as possible. Wish granted.

Game 1s

I am not on fire so far. I picked home court to hold across the board, and for my troubles I got screwed by the team I picked to win it all, and the team everyone else picked. San Antonio and Dallas both lost, at home, in their game 1 match ups with clearly inferior teams. Could it be that they've both drawn their Achilles' heels in the first round? If San Antone were playing Golden State and Dallas playing Denver would it have gone down differently? Dallas can't seem to answer Golden State's free-for-all, jump shooting death squad. And San Antonio clearly has no idea what to do with Nene, who is re branding himself as the power forward of the future. All I could think when I watched Nene yesterday, was how much I'd like to see him on the Suns. He's like a 6'11" Leandro Barbosa, substituting defensive aggression for jump shooting ability. He romped all over San Antonio yesterday. And as a Golden State fan, a former off-and-on Pacers fan, with a long time closet crush on the Spurs, I can't tell you how weird it is to like Stephen Jackson. But Jacko is backo in a big way. SteJax made Dirk look like less of a MVP and more of a DQP (double quarter pounder... with cheese). Things are getting interesting all over.
Toronto focused all their energy on Vinsanity, which worked, and got pecker-slapped by JKidd and RJeff. I still like Toronto to win this thing, but you have to wonder how good New Jersey would be with Nenad. Next year, with Nenad, Miki Moore developing into a solid backup and Josh Boone and Bostjan Nachbar coming on strong, the Nets could be intriguing again next year. If they dodge the injury bug, lookout; a .500 season could be in the offing. Phoenix handled their business like the pros they are, illustrating why Kobe is a punk who will never elevate the Lakers without a Shaq-type backing him up. Detroit looked chiseled against Orlando, but I would have liked to see a nastier, more self assured victory. Ditto for the Cavs. Game 2s should be hot. Cap'n, out.

New Features at the Swag

The regular season is over, so I removed the scoreboard. It may make a resurgence as we start to blog about Football and (ugh...) Baseball. But for now let's make room for our new Tag Board, brought to you by CBox. It's pretty tight; kind of like an even quicker more visible, less relevant and completely unnecessary version of the comments section (which, by the way, is still there). AND I might add we haven't seen nearly as much commenting as we'd like to, so why don't we all make an effort? So in review: comment ya jerks, but in lieu of that, at least drop some soul on our tag board.

Cavs New Point Guard?

LUKE RIDNOUR
2006-07: He was supposed to have a breakout season, especially after a contract extension. After a series of inconsistencies and bouts with insecurity, however, Ridnour did not give the organization any security about his future as a starting point guard. He averaged fewer points, assists and steals than last season and his numbers declined badly after the All-Star break, resulting in a disappointing season for the one-time cornerstone. Ridnour is unhappy with his role and it seems like something has to change.
Staying or leaving? The club will try to trade him and the remaining three years on his deal and acquire a frontline point guard with size and experience. Seattle Post-Intelligencer

This is intriguing as hell to me. I like Ridnour. He's young, energetic and he's a true point guard. Exactly what we need. Maybe a Damon Jones for Ridnour deal could be in our future?

Oden Going Pro

Freshman sensation Greg Oden will leave Ohio State after one season to enter the NBA draft, The Dispatch has learned. Oden, who is in Indianapolis for an aunt’s wedding, is expected to make an announcement Friday. He is widely anticipated to be the first pick in pro basketball’s amateur draft on June 28. Columbus Dispatch

Yeah, no shit.

PLAYOFFS: Round 1... Buckle Up!

God damn I'm psyched. After a relatively lackluster regular season, the true season begins this Saturday. A 2 month spectacle of the best in the world doing what they do. And I'm so pumped for the playoffs I'm absolutely about to lose it. Let's take a peek at the match ups:

1-8s

Dallas Mavericks vs. Golden State Warriors

A lot of people are talking a lot of yang about Golden State's chances. Yeah, Nellie built the Mavs, nobody knows 'em better, and yes the Warriors have beaten the Mavs up and down over the last 2 seasons. But let's not get too crazy. This is playoff time in Dallas. I'd be pretty shocked if Dallas doesn't dispense with the pleasantries and smash the Warriors in 4, maybe 5, games. That said, the Warriors can win games when they're shooting well. There's just no way to stop a 5 man line where literally all 5 guys on the court can shoot 3s... if they're on. Golden State needs to catch fire and show some defensive toughness, which is far easier said than done. I just don't see how Golden State expects to defend Dirk. Their best defender is probably JRich, maybe SteJax, and neither one of them is truly big enough to stop the German Destruction Machine. SteJax's deep playoff (and championship) experience will come clutch, 'cause other than a couple years for Baron and maybe 1 or 2 seasons for Harrington, nobody else on this team has ever played any type of postseason basketball.

Progs: Dallas takes it 4-1. Golden State's MVPs will be Richardson and Jackson. Dallas will get Dallas performances out of Dirk, Josh, Jason and Jerry, and put this to bed with relative ease. Still, major kudos to the Warriors for hanging in.

Detroit Pistons vs. Orlando Magic

Murder. That's really the only word to describe what Detroit is going to do to Orlando. I would be very surprised if Orlando steals a game in this series. Here's why: Detroit is so superior to Orlando in every facet of the game, it's just not even amusing. For Orlando to win a game, they'll need Dwight Howard to play absolutely out of his mind, and not turn over the ball on every other play. Then they'll need Jam Nelson to wake up from his year long slumber. They'll need Arroyo and the rest of the bench to kick it up a notch, Grant Hill and Hedo to successfully coexist, and maybe most importantly; they'll need Darko to play like a man possessed. They need Darko to roll up all his anger and aggression toward Detroit, scrunch it up into a wee ball in his belly, and unleash it like a kamehameha all over the Palace. Another key for Orlando will be Trevor Ariza, who has been brilliant in limited action. I'd like to see him come out of his shell in the playoffs. As far as Detroit is concerned, they better win this quick, 'cause they'll see the winner of Chicago-Miami and then (most likely) Cleveland after, and they'll need to be as fresh as possible.

Progs: Detroit takes it 4-0. Expect Chauncey, Rip, Tay-tay and Sheed to show these young'ns what playoff basketball looks like. Expect Chris Webber to fade into irrelevance.

2-7s

Phoenix Suns vs. Los Angeles Lakers

I'm expecting a way less exciting re-match of the 7 game thriller from last year. Think about it, the Lakers are just as underwhelming, and the Suns are the same dominant team they were last year... plus Amare. And make no mistake; Amare will romp in the post season. Who's gonna stop him? Lamar Odom? Ronny Turiaf? Don't even dream of saying Andrew Bynum. It's true, Kwame should be back for the playoffs, and that'll help, but I'm still looking at the Suns to end this pretty fast. Kobe's uberclutchiosity should be worth a game or two, but not enough to make it interesting like last year. With Marion locking down Odom, and Bell doing as good a job on Kobe as can be done, Luke Walton's gonna need something supernatural for the Lakes to have a shot. And Raja Bell's defense is (if possible) even better this time around. I do hate being proven wrong by Kobe though, so I'm gonna extend him more respect than he deserves, to cover my bases.

Progs: Phoenix takes it 4-2, but the 4 wins will be blowouts, and the 2 losses will be overtime squeaks on Kobe heroics.

Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Washington Wizards

There has never been a better time to be a Cavs fan. New Jersey's win over the Bulls on Tuesday has written the Cavs an engraved invitation to the Eastern Conference Finals. All they need to do is crush a Washington team that is a wispy shadow of itself, and then beat the winner of Jersey-Toronto (which should be a cake walk), to earn a date with the tuckered out winner of the Chicago-Miami-Detroit melee. Honestly, there's no reason on earth why the Cavs can't make it to the Finals in less than 15 games. This is it Cleveland fans. For you Wizznutz out there, I wish you guys could be full strength so we could see a rematch of last year's overtime laden battle royale. It's unfortunate, but we'll take 'em like we can get 'em. Wizards have no hope.

Progs: Cavs take it 4-0. Antawn Jamison will come as close as anyone ever to winning the MVP of the finals while going out in the first round. He's gonna play so ferociously they'll tell stories of it for years. I'm talking 45 pts, 15 rebs, 5 assists, 4 threes, 4 steals and a block per night... in an ultimately losing effort.

3-6s

San Antonio Spurs vs. Denver Nuggets

I like this series as one of the best of the first round, but I'm still looking for San Antonio to win pretty decisively. Denver's been one of the best teams in the league in April. 'Melo and AI are meshing well, Camby and Nene are beasting on the block, Steve Blake is playing smart ball and Linas Kleiza is turning into a lights-out bench-weapon supreme. But I've been saying since day one that the Spurs have to be considered the favorite. If it weren't for Manu's last second foul-flub last year in game 7 against Dallas, I think the Spurs would have handily beaten Miami. I think this year justice will be served with a side of Southwestern dipping sauce. If Tony Parker and Manu do what they do and Tim Duncan doesn't get hit by an asteroid, the Spurs oughta lock it up.

Progs: Spurs take it 4-2. But with Nene's tough as nails athleticism and Camby's stout D, don't be surprised if Duncan looks tamer than usual.

Toronto Raptors vs. New Jersey Nets

This'll be another excellent series. Toronto looks like a team possessed, but I can't see them having a very easy time against Kidd, Carter and Jefferson, not to mention Nachbar doing his best impression of Kleiza. This could be a 7 game grind fest. The Nets are gonna find out that they miss Krstic even more than they thought, but Josh Boone and Miki Moore have been playing their asses off. They're gonna need to play the defensive series of their lives to bottle up Boshy. It'll pretty much all come down to Bosh. If he plays like he has all season, than I'd expect he'll also ramp it up for the playoffs. Of all those superstars from the '03 draft, 'Melo is the only one who hasn't shined in the post season. 'Bron, Wade, Hinrich and Howard have all been beasts in the playoffs, and I think Bosh's first trip will be a real test to see if he can truly hang with the elite from that class. I think he'll pass it... big time.

Progs: Toronto takes it 4-3. I'm looking for Kidd to be Kidd and Bosh to be Bosh. If Carter plays as well as he did last year in the playoffs, things could get even more interesting...

4-5s

Utah Jazz vs. Houston Rockets

Both of the 4-5 match ups in the playoffs feature 4 seeds without home court advantage. And I think it's gonna prove to be the difference. Houston looks as good as any team in the league, to me. With Yao and T-Mac healthy? Who can stop them? They might be my dark horse favorite to shock the world this year. This first round match will be a key litmus test. Utah is an excellent team, but they're slowing down. Houston's on fire, and that momentum should carry them through. What I love most about them is their defensive toughness. Forget about Yao and TMac on offense, how about Yao, Battier and Alston on D. If those three can neutralize Mehmet, Boozy and Deron Williams, Utah's gonna need miracles from AK. The key will be whether or not Mehmet can put up a fight against Yao. That said, he should also give Yao fits on the opposite end, peeling out to the Perimeter to jack up 3s. This one is gonna be a great series. If Houston wins decisively (4 or 5 games) I could see them going all the way. If they go 7 with Utah they'll be cooked for the second round when they have to play Dallas.

Progs: Houston takes it 4-2. Yao's gonna average 30 pts, 15 rebs, 3 blocks and the sexiest %s you've ever seen. Just see if he doesn't. In the end, I think Houston's gonna defend their home floor and ruin Sloan's year.

Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls

Miami is in trouble. They're as dangerous as anyone in the playoffs, but if Wade isn't back to 100% they're effed. In my opinion, right now, the Bulls are the best team in the East. They're gonna miss out on the Finals, because after beating Miami and Detroit, they'll be too spent to go 7 with Cleveland. But man are they good. Watching the Bulls play basketball right now is a pleasure. I even like them more than watching the Suns. They're not nearly as fast, but they're so fundamentally sound, they play exceptional defense, and every one of the first 8 or 9 guys in their rotation are brilliant decision makers. Even Tyrus Thomas is showing a knack for being in the right place at the right time. They rotate well, they're just smart basketball players... I can't say enough about them. But as per always you can't discount Wade and Shaqalacka together. There's truly no answer for those 2 guys when they're at 100%. Home court may decide this, and the Bulls have been lethal at home (31-10) this year. I like the Bulls too much, and I'm just not convinced Wade will be able to explode like he should.

Progs: Chicago takes it 4-2. If Wade is truly 100%, give the Heat an extra win, but the Bulls still prevail.

So that's it for the first round. Saturday has 4 games on TV, so buckle up chumps. The real season is about to start...

Delicious Cavs News...

In a brief 10-minute session with the media, Gilbert also touched on several other subjects:
o The owner said he would not have a problem paying the luxury tax in order to keep restricted free agents Anderson Varejao and Sasha Pavlovic, who figure to command major dollars in the offseason. Medina Gazette

That's what I want to hear. We need to keep Pavlo and the Brazilian Dandy. Without their tenacious bench play, the Cavs are lost. And Pavlo's blossomed into a legit starter for us. I'm psyched Gilly's gonna throw down the loot to keep us competitive.

Year End Awards: Short Form

I'll do a more exhaustive version of this at the end of the playoffs, but for now let's see who's who in the NBA. Adrian Wojnarowski put this into a nice format today, so I'll do mine the same way.

Most Valuable Player
Steve Nash
Woj makes an interesting point when assessing Nash's career best season by saying Amare's return buoyed Steve's numbers. Well, I agree Amare's return made the Suns better. But Nash is shooting a career best FG% and 3PT% and I'm not sure how much that really has to do with Stoudy. Sure you can argue that Amare's tenacious play in the paint has freed up Nash to trigger 3s at will, but I think Nash's offensive output has more to do with the fact that while he's been long recognized as the best dimesman in the league, in reality he should also be recognized as the flat out best pure shooter in the game. As far as form and function go, Kevin Martin is the only guy in the league who sports a competitively frightening shooting ability. On top of the fact that Nash has put in a career best 11.6 assists and has noticeably improved his defense, I'm loathe to award him the honor for the last 2 years and not this, his best, year.
As for Dirk, he's obviously one of the beastliest dudes in the league, and is the best player on the best team. But saying that Amare's return takes from Nash's accomplishment, and not saying that Josh Howard's emergence does the same for Dirk is unfair. I would argue that Howard becoming a legit superstar and offensive threat has made life far easier for Nowitzki. It's definitely neck and neck, but I'm leaning toward Nash... again.
The rest of the guys in the discussion: LeBron is getting unfairly cut out. His "sub par" first half was still pretty stellar. His team has about as good a chance as any to win the East, and his post All Star Break performance has been arguably the best in the league. For his name to not even be discussed is criminal. Same goes for Tim Duncan. In fact, I think John Hollinger made an exceptional case for Tim Duncan as MVP... but not quite. Bringing up the rear would be Dwayne Wade. His team has been unimpressive, and he missed 2 months, but nobody's more valuable to their team than Dweeani (that's a phonetic spelling of how one would pronounce his name, not knowing that's it's the same as Dwayne).
An honorable mention goes out to Chris Bosh who had a stellar year and is clearly as important to his team as anybody. A dishonorable mention goes to Kobe, who is undeniably one of the greatest ever. However his team is so god awful (I'm more and more convinced it's his fault too) that I can't even abide by his name being thrown into discussion. If you honestly believe his name belongs in this debate, then you should really be considering, Jason Kidd, Vince Carter, 'Melo, Elton Brand, Gilbert Arenas and Baron Davis, all of whom have comparable, if not better, numbers and play for mediocre to lousy teams that are more frightening to me than the Lakers.

The Ballot: Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki, Tim Duncan, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade
Honorable Mention: Chris Bosh
Dishonorable Mention: Kobe Bryant


Rookie of the Year
Brandon Roy
This may be the least interesting R.O.Y. race in history. Roy's been very good, Bargnani's been good too, then there's a long list of intriguing guys who didn't get as much of a chance to show their stuff. Based on sheer numbers, you have to give it to Roy. But the more interesting discussion is upsides. It looks like Brandon Roy's showed us pretty much what he can do. His numbers should improve from experience next season, but I'd be shocked if they took the type of steep uphill climb that DWade's took in his second year. On the other hand, Bargnani looks like he just gave us a taste of what's to come. I could definitely see Bargnani developing into somewhat of Dirk Lite over the next few seasons.
Tyrus Thomas, LaMarcus Aldridge, Jorge Garbajosa, Rudy Gay and Rajon Rondo have extremely intriguing futures. By the time the All Star break rolled around, it had become exceedingly clear that neither the Grizzlies nor the Celtics had anything to play for except Oden and Durant. So they both started giving their rookies chances to shine. And shine they did. Gay's turning into a frightening multi position offensive/defensive beast. I wouldn't be shocked to see him put up Shawn Marionesque numbers within the next few years. Same goes for the tenacious and scrappy Rajon Rondo, substituting JKidd's name for Marion's in the comparison. Thomas is clearly the defensive monster of the future, and if he can develop any semblance of a mid range shot, he could become a terrifying low post presence. Aldridge's game shows more equilibrium, less room for improvement, but still a promising future.
Honorable mentions go to Craig Smith and Paul Millsap, who show mad heart and hustle, which you gotta love. Dishonorable mention goes to the guy I picked as a lock to be a huge disappointment: Adam Morrison. What can I say about Morrison that I haven't already screamed about college basketball? He sucks, it sucks, end of story.

The Ballot: Brandon Roy, Andrea Bargnani, Rudy Gay, Rajon Rondo, Tyrus Thomas.
Honorable Mentions: Lamarcus Aldridge, Jorge Garbajosa, Craig Smith, Paul Millsap, Randy Foye, Tarrence Kinsey
Dishonorable Mention: Adam Morrison

Defensive Player of the Year
Tim Duncan
Dude, are you kidding me? Without Timmy's rock solid D, the Spurs would be nowhere. He can do it all, and when everybody's been warning of decline, he just keeps up the same old same old. The Spurs are still my favorite to win it all, and he's the reason why. Nobody more terrifying in the playoffs, plus, the icing on the cake of any case for Duncan as D.P.Y. is the fact that he has the hardest to defend position on the planet; PF/C in the West. He could probably convince me he deserves this award if he was covering 3rd string point guards, but he's not. On a nightly basis he's covering Kevin Garnett, Elton Brand, Dirk, Yao, Pau, Boozer/Okur, Amare, Nene, Randolph and that's not even bringing the East into the discussion, which adds Bosh, Shaq, Jefferson, Howard, Sheed, Jamison and Jermaine O'Neal. Bottom line, he does it against the best, and nobody does it better. This is a tough category to quantify, so I won't even bother ranking the rest, I'll just list the defensive stalwarts who deserve recognition.

The Ballot: Tim Duncan, Shawn Marion, Bruce Bowen, Shane Battier, Marcus Camby
Honorable Mentions: Ben Wallace, Raja Bell, Kevin Garnett, Tayshaun Prince, Emeka Okafor, Josh Howard, Gerald Wallace, Josh Smith
Dishonorable Mentions: Eddy Curry, Zach Randolph, Chris Webber


Most Improved Player
Al Jefferson
I know the popular choice here is Kevin Martin. And I'm not even suggesting that Martin isn't the better player. I like Martin a lot. In fact he's pretty much the best shooter in the league next to Steve Nash. But the thing is; I knew that last year. The only reason KMart didn't do the exact same thing last year, is that the offense was still running through Mike Bibby and Ron Artest primarily. Then the next two guys were Brad Miller and Bonzi Wells. Look at Martin's numbers from last year. They were almost exactly where they are this year in %s, and they reflected that he played about 10 minutes less per game. Which he did. I'm not saying Martin isn't awesome, he's just a guy who didn't get as many minutes, and when he did, his numbers inflated in a perfectly proportional way.
Jefferson's numbers more than doubled on less than double the minutes. He claimed the paint like a beast. He rebounds among the best in the league, he blocks shots, he shoots a high percentage. He's flat out turned into a monster big man. Things just seemed to click for him, and I gotta give him the award over the other guys 'cause I thought he was an official bust, and he flipped overnight. Monta Ellis showed a drastic increase in FG% and FT%, and that is why his minutes are drastically up, and though he's not playing quite twice as much, his numbers are doubled everywhere (unfortunately including turnovers, but that'll happen with a guy who drives to the hoop this viciously). I love Monta's energy, he's on the perfect team to get to showcase his skill set. He drives like Kevin Johnson used to, only even more controlled.
Biedrins has to be in the discussion, he's clearly got a huge future in this league. He might become one of the elite big men... but I doubt it. He's weak, and I don't buy his "tough face." I'd also nominate Sasha Pavlovic, who looks like a newer, sleeker, meaner version of himself. He's cutting to the hoop like a maniac, and almost providing LeBron the true running mate Larry Hughes was supposed to be.
Wojnorowski put Tyson Chandler on the ballot, which I can't agree with, 'cause I knew he could rebound and block shots like a beast. And he changed to a team with no other legit centers, so he got ample more space to showcase his beastliness. If you put him in, you have to put Josh Smith, but we all knew he could do what he's done too. I like this category for the guys you couldn't predict. Honorable mentions go to the 3 headed 6th man on the Golden State Warriors. Barnes and Azibuike were waiver fodder, and Pietrus in a rut, but Nelson let them break loose. Whichever one is in the game can take over. Also Eddy Curry, who is massively better, but still makes me want to vomit with his 900 TOs per game, lack of steals or blocks (or defense of any kind) and pitiful FT%. And to think, it may end up that the Knicks traded Durant/Oden for him.
Dishonorable mention to Larry Hughes who I wish I could say was a candidate here, but he continues to disappoint. Chump.

The Ballot: Al Jefferson, Monta Ellis, Kevin Martin, Andris Biedrins, Sasha Pavlovic
Honorable Mention: Eddy Curry, Mickael Pietrus, Matt Barnes, Kelenna Azabuike
Dishonorable Mention: Larry Hughes

6th Man of the Year
Leandro Barbosa
This one is a no brainer. Manu is not really a 6th man, and the difference between Barbosa and the next best candidate, Stackhouse, is not even close. This would only be a competitive category if Ben Gordon was still coming off the bench like he did in the first half of the season. Barbosa puts up (stellar) starter numbers in bench minutes. He's a blur, he can shoot from anywhere, and he's pretty much the heir to the throne in Phoenix.

The Ballot: Leandro Barbosa, Manu Ginobli, Jerry Stackhouse, Andres Nocioni, Sasha Pavlovic
Honorable Mention: Monta Ellis/Andris Biedrins/Mickael Pietrus/Matt Barnes/Kelenna Azibuike (whoever doesn't start and comes off the bench 1st).
Dishonorable Mention: LeBron James (that dude starts too damn well, he's the worst 6th man ever)

A Picture Says a Thousand- Oh God My Eyes!

"Why yes Ms. Coulter, I think your vision for a more conservative United States is... is... what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yes. DY-NO-MITE!!" As mayor of TV Land, I declare this to be the greatest birthday party for Jimmy Walker ever!
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"Oh Brad, it's just you, I thought someone was robbing the bank..."
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"Officer, how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not drunk... I'm just very, very high on the marijuana..."
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Sweet! Looks like Suns have finally found a way to stop Tim Duncan in the paint.


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"Okay Jared. You grab Carmelo by the neck, then I reach around you here, like so. Then I give your nips a bit of a tweak. Nate, why don't you take off your shirt. See isn't that more comfortable? Can I get anyone a Fresca? A 'lude? Anything?" Just another one of Eduardo Najera's sexy parties...

Wednesday Chumpliness

The Grizzlies are expected to talk to former Denver Nuggets general manager Kiki Vandeweghe, among other candidates, about taking over the front office. Memphis Commercial Appeal

I have two words for Memphis fans who think Vandeweghe will return them to grace: Kenyon Martin.
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Regardless of whether he retains his job as coach of the Sonics or if owner Clay Bennett decides to replace him, Bob Hill's life will go on.
"I'm not going to die," he said after Tuesday's practice. "I've got a wonderful family that loves me to death. I just had my first grandson yesterday. I've got a beautiful home in Texas. So I'm not going to die. If I'm not back, I'll feel bad because it's the first time I haven't been able to have success." Seattle Times

I guess he's not counting his 36-78 record as coach at Fordham, or his three straight 1st round exits as coach of the Pacers.
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"Yeah, we're going to play hard [against the Hornets] and hope for the best, but we're just going to have to shoot for next year. Can we still get into the playoffs? Yeah, we can. Realistically, will we? No." Los Angeles Times

That's Maggette illustrating perfectly what it's like to be a Clippers fan: painful, pathetic, un-ambitious, and scared of the Golden State Warriors.
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Bryant said he hasn't given any thought to his MVP chances. Orange County Register

Fortunately I have. He has none. Kobe is a great player who deserves an MVP award about as much as I do. To even discuss his name in the same sentence as Dirk, Nash, Bronny or DWade is a joke. In fact, as far as the numbers go on paper, and the teams records, I'm not sure how you'd justify Kobe over 'Melo.

"Winning MVP would be nice, but it would mean much, much more if we had one of the top records in the league," Bryant said. "To win it now would be kind of like an empty award to me." Orange County Register

To us all, my friend. To us all.
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Dolan also revealed that Thomas' sexual harassment trial is scheduled for September. New York Post

Wow I had almost forgotten about that particular noose around Zeke's neck. Make that reason 7,943 on the top 25,000 reasons why Isiah Thomas should be fired. Something else just occurred to me: could the Knicks be tanking to go after a high draft pick? I know what you're saying, "But Cap'n, the Bulls get the Knicks 1st round pick this year." Sure, I know that. And you know that. But are you really that confident that Isiah knows it? I'm honestly only like half kidding. I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out Isiah doesn't even realize he's given up maybe the most valuable draft pick since Bronny for Eddy Curry.
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Clyde "The Glide" Drexler may have been voted one of the 50 Greatest Players in NBA History, but he was voted off the stage Tuesday as "Dancing With the Stars" fans eliminated Drexler and partner Elena Grinenko. And after Heather Mills' fall in Monday's competition, she fell to the bottom two in voting. Metromix.com

I guess now he'll only have a career of legendary basketballing, a city full of fans who'd die for him, millions of dollars and his debonair charm and good looks to keep him warm. Poor guy...