For gods sake, Git R DONE!

Well well well, a chance to guest blog for the Cap'n. Welcome one and all, this is your first mate Johnny Stee at the helm of the swag. Just stopping by from http://www.paytoilet.blogspot.com/ to throw down a little rant on the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm a huge Cavs fan, but for god's sake can we Git R Done already?

In response to Z's recent comments about upset about the Cavs just settling on jumpers - Bronnie replied - "We've been getting a lot of good looks lately, we just haven't been knocking them down."

These guys are getting terrible looks, firing it backwards off the dribble, upside down with a half reversal and a triple sow-cow and a full shot clock.

And maybe it hasn't occurred to him that even if a shot looks good, either him or Hughes may not be consistent enough to make 'em count?

Here's a short list of things that we can do to "Git R Done."

1. Get in the paint.
2. Have Mike Brown create more that one offensive play.
3. Get in the paint.

I'm sick of watching Bron's minutes get wasted out there on crappy low-percentage shots. He's missing them anyways. Man up and drive it to the lane more than once a night already. We've all seen what he can do, Mr. Brown, now it's time to get your players to commit. I'm no Red Auerbach, but it's pretty clear that what we're doing isn't working.

Also - On a similar note - Isn't it great how LBJ has taught Mike Brown to do that "Whiny Toddler Face" so well when they get a bad call?

Thanks Cap'n.
Here's to driving down my street and up yours.

Johnny Stee.

Condolences to Big Z

I talk a lot of shit about trading the big man, but don't get it twisted; the Swagglers have nothing but love for Zydrunas Ilgauskas. What he's had to face recently, the stillbirth of his twins, is something nobody should have to deal with. The fact that it was his first children only compounds this indescribable tragedy. Our thoughts are with Z and his family as they attempt to move past this. Big props to Ilgauskas on returning to the team so quickly. It shows his level of commitment and love for the city of Cleveland. The man is a warrior, and I think I speak for all Clevelanders when I say the city wouldn't be the same without him.

Rubber Bibby Buggy Bumpers

Word on the street has the Cavs play for Mike Bibby rapidly turning into a full court press. With Bronny's interest dwindling, and the Cavs momentum slowed to a crawl, Danny Ferry is looking hard to give us a powerhouse point guard before the deadline. The obvious first choice is Kidd, but failing that, Mike Bibby has become the Cavs cream dream. This is good or bad news depending on what we'd have to give up to attain the Bibbinator. So here are a list of trades for Bibbs I would welcome, and some I would not (remember to click on the link to see the trade):

1. Green Light: Larry Hughes for Mike Bibby and Kevin Martin
No way in hell this trade would ever happen, for obvious reasons; first, Kevin Martin and Mike Bibby are both individually better than Larry Hughes. Secondly, they both have cheaper & shorter contracts. But a Cletown fan can dream, no? This deal would make the Cavs instant favorites to go all the way. Not to mention, Larry Hughes and Ron Artest could be an amusing combo of unrealized potential...

2. Red Light: Drew Goods, Sasha Pav, Anderson Varejao, Dan Gibson + expirers for Bibby
This is the type of trade Sacto would froth at the mouth over. They get 3 very legit prospects in Pavlovic, Gibson and the highly coveted Varejao, they get a solid boardsman in Drew Gooden and almost 3mil in expiring contracts in Scot Pollard and Dwayne Jones. This makes their team competitive, and gives them the freedom to trade 'Reef, Kenny Thomas, or both, for a new point guard. It doesn't lock them up in any obscene contracts and it doesn't send Bibby to a division rival. For the Cavs, this trade sucks from top to bottom, but we do get Bibby. Don't sweat it, no way Ferry's dumb enough to do this... maybe Billy King, definitely Isiah Thomas, but not Ferry.

3. Green Light: Z, Sasha P, Eric Snow and Pollard for Bibby and Kenny Thomas
I wouldn't mind a deal like this, and it would certainly be mutually beneficial, but the obvious hangup is why the Kings would pay Z 10 million dollars a year to be Brad Miller's back up. I'm not crazy about taking on Thomas' contract, but we'd have room for his services with Z leaving.

4. Red Light: Gooden, Marshall, Varejao, Pavlovic, Gibson + expirers for Bibby and Miller
I know what your thinking, Bibby and Miller to the Cavs? Suddenly the Cavs look awful damn intriguing, but hold on... it's not that simple. By giving up 3 expiring contracts, the Cavs pass on saving themselves 6+ million in salary next year. Additionally, they'd give up their two best prospects (Varejao & Gibson) and their 3 best role players (Gooden, Marshall and Pavlovic). What they're left with is a competitive starting line : Bibby and Hughes in the back court, Bronny, Miller and Z in the front court, no bench to speak of, and the most crippling long term salary structure in the league, featuring 5 guys at multiple seasons of +10million a piece. This trade would lodge the Cavs firmly in Knicks Luxury land for the foreseeable future. I'd love Bibby and Miller, but at what cost...

5. Green Light: All our worst players/contracts for all their best players.
This one is beyond a no-brainer: Bibby, Artest, Martin, Miller, Garcia and Salmons. All their best players. In exchange we would give up: Z, Hughes, Scot Pollard, Eric Snow, Shannon Brown, Damon Jones, David Wesley, Donyell Marshall and Dwayne Jones... in other words, the dregs of our underachievers and choke-holding contracts. This would make the Cavs the sickest team in history, imagine this starting line: Bibby and Martin in the back court, Bron, Miller and Artest in the front court, with Salmons, Varejao, Garcia, Gibson and Gooden as our second line? It would be pure murdah! I'd love it, but that would only be possible if the Maloofs ate one of those $17,000 Carl's Jr. Combos and it was laced with some sort of experimental KGB mind control serum. It could happen...

Meaningless Conjecture

I am into appeasement. Au, our only loyal reader, requested this, and I am ready to appease. Consider me the France of bloggers. Au pondered if Z's personal reasons for skipping the Cavs coming road trip are related to the fact that the Cavs would probably trade him for three twinkies and a roll of nickles at this point, as if anyone would ever offer that much. Harsh? Maybe. And I love Big Z, but for +9 mil a year he can get busy on the boards or get busy on my nuts. That may have been crude and blunt, but you don't want a 44Mil albatross around yer neck only to find that the "start" of his rapid decline is like the deepest valley of Shaq's decline. Z went from All-Star, to elite non-allstar Big Man, to waiver wire fodder like he was Erick Dampier after signing a contract. And Damp's post money decline was so fast he went back in time and got to prevent his parents from not meeting and falling in love. So here are some possible trade opportunes for the Cavs to unload the most famous Z since the Gay Blade (that isn't a homophobic dig, it's a movie reference you gutter-minded illiterates...):

1. Z and Drew Gooden to Minnesota for KG
More precisely; Z, Drew Gooden, Sasha Pavlovic, Scot Pollard, David Wesley, Dwayne Jones and Ira Newble to Minnesota for KG and Marko Jaric.
Why it works: On the face this looks like a total rip off for the Wolves, but step back and think about it. KG's gonna force a trade this off season, so what do they want out of it? It's rebuilding time, so they want to shave payroll, bring in a prospect or two and unload disgruntled employees with big contracts, but not to division (or even conference) rivals. In this they've found a perfect mate in the Cavs. We give them Pollard, Jones and Newble, (all in expiring contracts) which is like a free 6 million dollar write off. They get Wesley, cheap & with only one year to go on his contract, and still a potential contributor. They get Sasha, a budding prospect, but also in an expiring deal, so they can either re-sign or set him free for additional loot. They get back 2 very marketable and accomplished Big men in Z and Goodies for a 7 million dollar discount on KG and they get to unload one of their 3 disgruntled and expensive point guards. Actually the most expensive and disgruntled of the three, at that, in Marko Jaric. For the Cavs trouble, they get locked up in pricey contracts unto the apocalypse, but they also get to sport the 2 best players in the world, and get an upgrade at the point who can play and cover multiple positions. Granted, not the dream return on one of the greatest players to ever play the game, but it's better than being forced to dish him for another ultra expensive star who won't get them any closer to contention.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000,000,000

2. Z and Larry Hughes for Jason Kidd and Jason Collins
Why it works: This one is way less insane, I'd even describe it as a real possibility. New Jersey is looking to unload JKidd, despite the fact that he's never been better. Marcus Williams looks like he's gonna pan out, and 2 more years at over 40Mil is a lot to swallow for the aging Kidd. With Vinsanity also possibly about to opt out, Larry Hughes becomes massively more enticing to them, not to mention Z being the big man they're desperate for. As a cherry on top, they get to unload Collins, who is a deadbeat, and an expensive one to boot. For the Cavs, the upside is obvious; we upgrade from a bunch of deadbeats at PG to arguably the greatest man to ever run the point. If Bron and Kidd can't go all the way together, than they just weren't meant to be champs.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000

3. Z, DGoods & Larry Hughes---> Pau & Mike Miller---> Channing Frye & Jam Crawford
To be more precise: Cavs send Z to Memphis, Gooden & Hughes to New York. Memphis sends Pau and Miller to Cleveland, Brian Cardinal to New York. Knicks send Frye and Jerome James to Cleveland, Crawford, Jared Jeffries and Kelvin Cato to Memphis.
Why it works: Cavs get the best out of the deal, of course, getting Pau, Frye & Mike Miller, instantly becoming favorites to win it all. In the process we unload Gooden, Hughes and Z, and the only downside is we have to take on dead beat Jerome James. Memphis gets to downgrade from the vicious Pau at +12mil for the next 4 years, to Z at 10mil for the next 3. They also get Crawford, who I feel could actually breakout in Memphis, all by his lonesome. Memphis also gets to unload their worst contract, Cardinal at +5 mil for Jeffries, a superior player for the same price. They also get Cato, who they can release at the end of the season and save another million. The Knicks get a massive face lift, getting Gooden and Hughes, who would immediately replace Frye and Crawdaddy. They get to unload James (chump) but they do have to take on Cardinal (chump). So basically the Knicks break even, Memphis makes baby steps and the Cavs win it all. I like it.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000,967,854,567