Shocking...

Appearing via phone on the Stephen A. Smith show on ESPN Radio 1050 in New York, Artest said: "I'm not retiring." Citing club sources, ESPN.com's Marc Stein first reported that Artest wanted to retire at season's end. ESPN.com

There's a huge surprise. Artest spoke too soon and now is rethinking his declarative statements. Here's a crazy concept, Ron... SHUT THE FUCK UP. That's it. At all times, just shut up and don't say anything. That way I can avoid having to blind myself with a railroad spike when you inevitably say something stupid and take it back 20 minutes later. Jackass.

Monday Business

Artest's teammates weren't the only ones he told of the news. Friday, he told the editors of www.hiphopgame.com, a Web site for which Artest writes a personal diary. Artest was unavailable for comment before the Kings defeated the Phoenix Suns 107-100 Sunday at Arco Arena, and he did not speak after the game, either. Sacramento Bee

Artest told HipHopGame, "I'm retiring from the Kings, to spend time on my blings, done questing for rings, all the ladies sing. Ronnie's heading to Europe, sippin' on syrup, with my feet in the stirrups..." Get it? It's a rap...

The NBA warned Gilbert Arenas on Sunday not to repeat his actions of Tuesday night, when he said he made $10 bets with a group of fans during a game against the Portland Trail Blazers. "We spoke to Gilbert and explained the issue to him," NBA spokesman John Acunto said. "And he assured us he wouldn't do anything like this again." Washington Post

Arenas added, "But I was drafted 2nd round, and I spent the first 40 games of my career riding the bench... Don't I get some sort of special consideration? I'm so under appreciated. I'm going to carry a chip on my shoulder over this, and now every time I play against David Stern and Stu Jackson, I'm gonna guarantee 50 points to make up for this shaming..."

Knicks boss Isiah Thomas has long coveted O'Neal, who has been remarkably loyal to Thomas to this day as the two remain close friends. The Knicks are sliding and will need a boost—O'Neal prefers to play outside now—to complement Eddy Curry. I may be the only one, but I still think Steve Francis has something. Plus, Francis can opt out after next season anyway if things don't work. To match salaries, I'd take Francis, Channing Frye and Hoosier Jared Jeffries, who hasn't worked out that well in New York, to give the Pacers a core to begin working with.

I can see why New York would want JO'Neal, but I can't fathom why the hell Indiana would want Franchise. Unless they've grown so accustomed to malcontents, that having just Tinsley in their locker room is making things too serene.

The Portland Tribune reported that Randolph, while away from the team last week on bereavement leave for the death of his girlfriend's cousin (sounds like quite the family man), hit a strip club while he was home in Indiana and left without paying the bill. The Trail Blazers said he just stopped by.

Yeah, he just stopped by... to get a lap dance instead of playing basketball with his team. Like Artest, some dudes just never learn...

Artestament

But according to a source close to Artest and away from his basketball life, he is very serious about retirement. According to the source, who didn't want to go on record for fear of reprisal, Artest plans to play overseas for a year or two, with hopes that he can put the seemingly nonstop turmoil behind him in a more discreet environment while leaving open the possibility of a return to the NBA. The list of off-the-court transgressions for Artest has only grown this season, from his dog being seized by Placer County in late January to his March 5 arrest on domestic violence charges. Sacramento Bee

Honestly, at this point, does anything this guy does surprise anyone? He could announce that he plans to play for an "overseas team" from fucking Jupiter and I wouldn't bat an eyelash. The only ways this can possibly play out are as follows: 1) Ron is Ron, and within a week, his bi-polar valley will have passed, he'll be back on a peak, and he'll take back everything about retiring and re-re-re-recommit to playing for the Kings. 2) Ron is Ron and he goes to play for Dynamo Bucareste or some other Eastern Euro squad. He loves it in Romania, claims EuroLeague is the new NBA, punches out a ref, starts a riot in downtown Galatz, and has his jersey retired by the KGB. Bear in mind none of this comes as a surprise to anyone. Somewhere Larry Bird is kicking back with an ice cold brew thinking, "I guess Jamaal Tinsley isn't that bad..."

Artestify

Rappin' Ronnie has to stay away from his family, as he pleaded no guilty to charges that he roughed up his wife, wrongfully imprisoned her and, in a Placer County first, charges that he's an all around prick with a misshapen head. Fortunately for him, those charges are all misdemeanors. You see, in Placer County, there were two cousins, Luke and Bo...

Read the whole thing here, from RealGM.

Artested Development

As every news source on the planet is now reporting, Ron Artest has been indefinitely removed from the Kings roster, locker room and consciousness. People seem to be roundly applauding the Maloofs for their handling of the situation. I'm not that impressed. They were in a sticky situation, but the fact that it's Artest made the decision considerably easier; they know he's guilty. If this was Lamar Odom, for instance (I use Odom because he's a player of similar caliber with a blemish-free off-the-court persona), they would have been really screwed. What if they reacted the same way and he turned out to be innocent? Not so much of a quandary with Rappin' Ronnie. When you read a report that Mrs. Artest chased his Hummer down the driveway smashing the windshield with a frying pan, and that he then followed her back in the house minutes before the coppers showed up, that's like reading in the paper that Bush said something dumb. There's a small possibility Bush didn't say something dumb, but who's gonna believe that? BallHog has been saying for the last year, "it's only a matter of time..." about Artest, and he's right. Ron is one of those tragically gifted athletes, like Mike Tyson or Wild Thing Ricky Vaughn: his talent will never exceed his dysfunction.


Thanks to BasketBawful for the kick ass mug shot.

Best Case Scenario: 3 Way Deal Brings Bibby to Cleveland, Here's How it Would Look...

As I just posted, ESPN is reporting that a Cavs deal for Bibby could be announced any second, with Minnesota as the 3rd team in talks. Here's a deal I put together that not only works financially under the Collective Bargaining Agreement, and not only is a great deal for Cleveland, but also a sweet deal for everyone involved (remember to click on it to look at it in the Trade Machine):

Cleveland sends Ira Newble to Sacto and Larry Hughes to Minnesota. Minnesota sends Mike James and Eddie Griffin to Sacto, and Marko Jaric to Cleveland. Sacto sends Mike Bibby to Cleveland.

Why it works: Minnesota gets to unload 2 of their biggest busts, Mike James & Marko Jaric, who both have nasty contracts. And all it costs them is the mildly valuable expiring deal on Eddie Griffin. They get Larry Hughes, and who knows, maybe the combo of Hughes, Foye, Garnett, Davis and Blount can get the Wolves into the playoffs and stave off the Garnett departure for another year. Sacto gets Mike James, to replace Bibby at the point, and $6 million in salary cap relief (actually 12 mil since they're over the luxury tax line) in the expiring contracts of Newble and Griffin. The Cavs get Mike Bibby, a monster upgrade at PG, and Marko Jaric, who I still believe can be a valuable contributor. Most importantly, they pass off Hughes' hot potato contract, and get the shake up that could jump start their stagnant season.

Why it doesn't: What is Minnesota, retarded? Even Kevin McHale, who by all accounts is a shitty GM, isn't likely to pay Larry Hughes 13 million per year to be less productive than Ricky Davis(who costs roughly half as much), and spend half the year on the Injured Reserve. Not to mention, despite the salary relief, what would possess Geoff Petrie to make him think Mike James somehow makes his team better than Mike Bibby? That's just crazy talk. And finally, by locking themselves up in even more salary, and kissing off one of their valuable expiring contracts, the Cavs all but insure they won't be able to afford Anderson Varejao, this summer, when he comes for the re-up.

Just for fun(with a hint of maybe?): Peep this trade!!!!! Woah, I just got chills thinking of the possibilities. The Cavs get KG and Bibby? And the weird part is, it's not really a bad deal for either Sacto or Minnesota. The Kings get Mike James to replace Bibby along with some expiring deals, 2 great prospects (Pavlo and Varejao) and some perimeter shooting assistance in Damon Jones. The Wolves get Hughes, again not optimal, but also the great bargain in Gooden to replace KG, and 2 mil in relief from Pollard's expiring deal. Not to mention they get rid of James, which for them is pretty attractive.

Progs: Cavs get Bibby in a 3 way(don't worry, 2 chicks, 1 dude), but are stuck with Larry Hughes, and forced to give up Varejao. I am, predictably, not too pleased.

The Deadline Approaches...

It's trade deadline time...

From ESPN:
Bibby going to Cleveland, however, remains a possibility. The Cavs lack the trade assets to complete a trade for Bibby, but one scenario in circulation Tuesday had Minnesota joining in on a three-team deal that would potentially send Mike James, among others, to Sacramento as Bibby's successor at the point.

And also this:
The Cleveland Cavaliers have been trying to get in the mix on Kidd, too, and apparently are willing to discuss everyone on the roster outside of LeBron James.
A package of Larry Hughes and Anderson Varejao would be something the Nets would have to consider, although the consensus in front offices around the league is that Hughes would be worth taking a chance on only if his contract were half as big as it actually is.
Another factor working against the Cavs: They do not have a No. 1 pick in the upcoming draft to trade, having shipped it off for Jiri Welsch two years ago.

Woo smokies, I would love to see JKidd in a Cleveland jersey. Actually, I wouldn't mind Bibby in Cleveland jersey. The question in this tradular game of Russian roulette is, who pulls the trigger on a loaded 13 million dollar Larry Hughes?

Rubber Bibby Buggy Bumpers

Word on the street has the Cavs play for Mike Bibby rapidly turning into a full court press. With Bronny's interest dwindling, and the Cavs momentum slowed to a crawl, Danny Ferry is looking hard to give us a powerhouse point guard before the deadline. The obvious first choice is Kidd, but failing that, Mike Bibby has become the Cavs cream dream. This is good or bad news depending on what we'd have to give up to attain the Bibbinator. So here are a list of trades for Bibbs I would welcome, and some I would not (remember to click on the link to see the trade):

1. Green Light: Larry Hughes for Mike Bibby and Kevin Martin
No way in hell this trade would ever happen, for obvious reasons; first, Kevin Martin and Mike Bibby are both individually better than Larry Hughes. Secondly, they both have cheaper & shorter contracts. But a Cletown fan can dream, no? This deal would make the Cavs instant favorites to go all the way. Not to mention, Larry Hughes and Ron Artest could be an amusing combo of unrealized potential...

2. Red Light: Drew Goods, Sasha Pav, Anderson Varejao, Dan Gibson + expirers for Bibby
This is the type of trade Sacto would froth at the mouth over. They get 3 very legit prospects in Pavlovic, Gibson and the highly coveted Varejao, they get a solid boardsman in Drew Gooden and almost 3mil in expiring contracts in Scot Pollard and Dwayne Jones. This makes their team competitive, and gives them the freedom to trade 'Reef, Kenny Thomas, or both, for a new point guard. It doesn't lock them up in any obscene contracts and it doesn't send Bibby to a division rival. For the Cavs, this trade sucks from top to bottom, but we do get Bibby. Don't sweat it, no way Ferry's dumb enough to do this... maybe Billy King, definitely Isiah Thomas, but not Ferry.

3. Green Light: Z, Sasha P, Eric Snow and Pollard for Bibby and Kenny Thomas
I wouldn't mind a deal like this, and it would certainly be mutually beneficial, but the obvious hangup is why the Kings would pay Z 10 million dollars a year to be Brad Miller's back up. I'm not crazy about taking on Thomas' contract, but we'd have room for his services with Z leaving.

4. Red Light: Gooden, Marshall, Varejao, Pavlovic, Gibson + expirers for Bibby and Miller
I know what your thinking, Bibby and Miller to the Cavs? Suddenly the Cavs look awful damn intriguing, but hold on... it's not that simple. By giving up 3 expiring contracts, the Cavs pass on saving themselves 6+ million in salary next year. Additionally, they'd give up their two best prospects (Varejao & Gibson) and their 3 best role players (Gooden, Marshall and Pavlovic). What they're left with is a competitive starting line : Bibby and Hughes in the back court, Bronny, Miller and Z in the front court, no bench to speak of, and the most crippling long term salary structure in the league, featuring 5 guys at multiple seasons of +10million a piece. This trade would lodge the Cavs firmly in Knicks Luxury land for the foreseeable future. I'd love Bibby and Miller, but at what cost...

5. Green Light: All our worst players/contracts for all their best players.
This one is beyond a no-brainer: Bibby, Artest, Martin, Miller, Garcia and Salmons. All their best players. In exchange we would give up: Z, Hughes, Scot Pollard, Eric Snow, Shannon Brown, Damon Jones, David Wesley, Donyell Marshall and Dwayne Jones... in other words, the dregs of our underachievers and choke-holding contracts. This would make the Cavs the sickest team in history, imagine this starting line: Bibby and Martin in the back court, Bron, Miller and Artest in the front court, with Salmons, Varejao, Garcia, Gibson and Gooden as our second line? It would be pure murdah! I'd love it, but that would only be possible if the Maloofs ate one of those $17,000 Carl's Jr. Combos and it was laced with some sort of experimental KGB mind control serum. It could happen...