Sportswag Moving!!

We're getting a full-on real site. It's still under construcshe, but if you want to take a peek: www.sportswag.org
Hit it up! There's nothing there yet, but soon it'll be your favorite workplace diversion. For now, keep coming here everyday for goodness of all kind. Today's been slow (and I've been busy at work), but in general there's goodness...
Thanks to Au; loyal contributor, good Catholic, and snappy dresser, for setting us up with new digs.

New Features at the Swag

The regular season is over, so I removed the scoreboard. It may make a resurgence as we start to blog about Football and (ugh...) Baseball. But for now let's make room for our new Tag Board, brought to you by CBox. It's pretty tight; kind of like an even quicker more visible, less relevant and completely unnecessary version of the comments section (which, by the way, is still there). AND I might add we haven't seen nearly as much commenting as we'd like to, so why don't we all make an effort? So in review: comment ya jerks, but in lieu of that, at least drop some soul on our tag board.

Didja Miss Me?

Of course you did. I'm not completely oblivious. I took the hint when you left a rim with a net in my bed. When I woke up, covered in Gatorade, I figured it was a message from the basketblogging mafia (Get it? That was supposed to be a play on the Godfather, think about it for a few minutes) telling me to bow to their will or be damned to the dustbin of blog failures. Well I won't bend over for any other blogs, I don't care how many politicians are in their pockets... Okay, I actually took a week off to manage my fantasy basketball team full time. You'll all be happy to know that with only today's games remaining, I am in 1st place with a 1.5 point lead. Pop the champagne bitches, the Cap'n's back.

Right Now: The PussyCat Dolls Must Be Destroyed

Watching basketball on Sunday has become painful (when it's not on TNT or FSN). It must be made clear now and forevermore: if basketball has a "soundtrack," those songs should mostly be hip hop. The reasons: it is clearly the music of choice of most of the league, it is the most popular music form on the planet, it actually fits the game, which is a constant changing of beats as the ball bounces. The game basically is a hip hop song. The opening tip is the intro, ala "Big L rest in peace..." at the start of Full Clip by Gang Starr. You'll often hear that in a hip hop song, not so often in rock, country, or (ugh) swingy-broadwayish-musical theatre type crap. Then there is that brief pause as the guy recovers that opening tip and the beat starts with the dribble. Then a player makes a drive, or a series of passes and shots take place which is like the rhyme. Try watching the Suns with the volume off on the TV and some hip hop, doesn't matter what kind, on in the background. Ever wonder why all the best Youtube highlight reels are to hip hop? The ones to Metal or Alternative just sound ridiculous. If you can't see that, you're blind.
Now I understand the league's push to court whitey as viewers, and I have no problem with it. The league needs to make money, and I want them too, so they don't stop televising games everywhere. If it becomes unprofitable, it'll be like Hockey, harder to see. So if you want to get back those 40-65 year old white guys that used to be your bread and butter, at least make the music a rock song. When I turn on NBA Sunday on ABC and hear the Pussycat Dolls do this unbearably obnoxious Broadway number "Right Now," with the lyrics modified for basketball. It makes me want to gouge out my eyes. It would be an unstoppably annoying song on its own, but making it the theme song of basketball is criminal. If David Stern and ABC want some sort of a happy medium, they should try "Walk This Way." Run D and Aerosmith. If that's not the frickin' Oslo accords of marketing strategies, I don't know what is. Either that or "Bring the Noise" by Public Enemy and Anthrax...

Lucky Bastard

Unbelievable. This dude is already lucky enough to be a major league baseball player, which means he's rich, and gets to play a game he (inexplicably) loves, and I've never even heard of him. Matt White's only pitched in 7 games in 9 seasons, which is undeniably lame. But he also just discovered that a rock quarry he bought off his aunt for $50,000 is worth over 2 billion dollars. Read the whole article from Yahoo! News:

Lucky Son of a Bitch Hits the Big Time


The article doesn't explore the two things I really care about, though:
1) Is this guy gonna sack up and buy the Seattle Supersonics or what?
2) It says he bought the thing off his auntie as a "favor" to her. So what kind of cut is she gonna see from the billions he made off that favor?

KG Compares RM to MJ... WTF?

Look even I said, yesterday, that Reggie Miller has a better shot at coming back than Pippen. But maybe Garnett's going a little overboard. Peep this, (from Rick Alonzo at the Pioneer Press):

Wolves forward Kevin Garnett said he thinks Miller, now retired, could make the transition from the broadcast booth back to the court.
"If it's Reggie Miller, yeah," Garnett said. "Michael Jordan, yeah. Any other old names you want to put in there, I don't think so."

First of all, as much as we all love Michael Jordan, have you seen him lately? He's what we in the sports industry might call tubbier than hell.
He looks like he swallowed Ron Harper. Him and Charles Barkley went to a Ponderosa the other day for lunch and the staff had to change their famous "all you can eat" policy at the buffet. But that's neither here nor there, because when the hell did we start throwing Reggie's name in with Michael Jordan? And when did it pass Scottie's name on the list of all time ballers? If we expanded the 50 greatest ever to 60, Regg doesn't make the cut. In fact, I'd argue you pretty much have to expand to the top 100 ever to find Reggie's name. Granted, Reggie's old enough to be KG's dad, but maybe Garnett's showing a little too much respect.

Condolences to Big Z

I talk a lot of shit about trading the big man, but don't get it twisted; the Swagglers have nothing but love for Zydrunas Ilgauskas. What he's had to face recently, the stillbirth of his twins, is something nobody should have to deal with. The fact that it was his first children only compounds this indescribable tragedy. Our thoughts are with Z and his family as they attempt to move past this. Big props to Ilgauskas on returning to the team so quickly. It shows his level of commitment and love for the city of Cleveland. The man is a warrior, and I think I speak for all Clevelanders when I say the city wouldn't be the same without him.

SportSwag Turns 100

Our 100th post. May not seem like much of an achievement, and... it's really not. Nobody loves us, everybody hates us, guess we'll go eat worms... No wait, screw y'all. The Swag is going strong after a month and a half of anonymous detractors calling us "cockgobblers" (Tim Hardaway maybe?) and low readership. We will persevere. You hear that world? The Swag will not be beaten down by everyday life. We're the fuckin' Mary Tyler Moore of sports blogs. You can't see it, but I just threw my hat in the air and freeze framed.

Bobby Knight Sounds Off

I can't believe I'm actually about to agree with something Knight is saying. Generally I don't care much for this loudmouth jackass, but what can I tell you, he's got a great point here. Read this Knight quote, from ESPN:

"...now you can have a kid come to school for a year and play basketball and he doesn't even have to go to class. He certainly doesn't have to go to class the second semester. I'm not exactly positive about the first semester. But he would not have to attend a single class the second semester to play through the whole second semester of basketball."

Wow, good call. I never thought about it like that, but this new rule really does shit all over the NCAA's eligibility standards. What's more if a player does this, intending to jump right to the NBA draft, and then suffers some sort of setback (injury, personal, drugs, etc.) and is forced out of the draft, they've probably blown their scholarship, eligibility, or both in the process. Essentially screwing their whole career right from the start. The thing is Stern intended for this to send more players to the D-League, making it a hot-ticket item like Minor league baseball. So he wasn't really thinking of the adverse affects on NCAA standards. I think that's the only real answer; if you're gonna go straight from high school, do a year in the Development League instead of a year at college. It's arguable which would better prepare you for the NBA. The proportion of players who'll make it, at some point, to the NBA is probably about the same. But in college you'd probably run a higher probability of actually facing a future NBA star. Either way I'm shocked Knight is back in the news for giving us something interesting to ponder, rather than for throwing a chair at a toddler.

The Tale Of The Tape

Today's post will be about the upcoming run off between reigning bag of bones Dick Bavetta and Master of the Classless, Charles Barkley. Let's face it people, they are both old, out of the game, and deserve to be retired. Not to retire, but be retired by somebody else.

Bavetta has been a personal bane of mine for a while now. His failing eyesight and slow reaction time have caused multiple teams to be expelled in the playoffs, not to mention the multiple atrocities committed upon the regular season.

Barkley, another personal bane, will not give the Cavs any credit, no matter what their record, who plays for them, or what kinda of hope they bring to Cleveland.

The call?

It's so hard to pick one over the other given that I hate them both so much. If Dwyane Wade was on the ticket, I'd pick him to lose, but I don't have that luxury. Instead here is my pick:

Barkley wins the contest in 15 minutes (for a mere 235 feet). 7 Minutes in (before either hits the far baseline) Bavetta is distracted when somebody glances in Dwyane Wade's direction. He runs away from the course to call the non-existent foul, completely forgetting he's in a race, drawn to the mystical non-foulness of DWade. Barkley tries to capitalize, yet falls and breaks both knees, after Kevin Johnson preemptively greased his side of the floor. Bavetta and Barkley both crawl to the finish line, only to have Bavetta's heart fail. Barkley wins in a gain for us all, Bavetta is dead, never to judge anyone or anything again. Barkley is humbled by the experience becoming a hermit for the rest of his life.

Let's all pray for this,

Slop

Dunk Contest

Since I ramped up to how much I loved Amare's dunks in '05, here's a great recap video of the whole contest. And holy crap, Josh Smith knows how to dunk a ball.

Meaningless Conjecture

I am into appeasement. Au, our only loyal reader, requested this, and I am ready to appease. Consider me the France of bloggers. Au pondered if Z's personal reasons for skipping the Cavs coming road trip are related to the fact that the Cavs would probably trade him for three twinkies and a roll of nickles at this point, as if anyone would ever offer that much. Harsh? Maybe. And I love Big Z, but for +9 mil a year he can get busy on the boards or get busy on my nuts. That may have been crude and blunt, but you don't want a 44Mil albatross around yer neck only to find that the "start" of his rapid decline is like the deepest valley of Shaq's decline. Z went from All-Star, to elite non-allstar Big Man, to waiver wire fodder like he was Erick Dampier after signing a contract. And Damp's post money decline was so fast he went back in time and got to prevent his parents from not meeting and falling in love. So here are some possible trade opportunes for the Cavs to unload the most famous Z since the Gay Blade (that isn't a homophobic dig, it's a movie reference you gutter-minded illiterates...):

1. Z and Drew Gooden to Minnesota for KG
More precisely; Z, Drew Gooden, Sasha Pavlovic, Scot Pollard, David Wesley, Dwayne Jones and Ira Newble to Minnesota for KG and Marko Jaric.
Why it works: On the face this looks like a total rip off for the Wolves, but step back and think about it. KG's gonna force a trade this off season, so what do they want out of it? It's rebuilding time, so they want to shave payroll, bring in a prospect or two and unload disgruntled employees with big contracts, but not to division (or even conference) rivals. In this they've found a perfect mate in the Cavs. We give them Pollard, Jones and Newble, (all in expiring contracts) which is like a free 6 million dollar write off. They get Wesley, cheap & with only one year to go on his contract, and still a potential contributor. They get Sasha, a budding prospect, but also in an expiring deal, so they can either re-sign or set him free for additional loot. They get back 2 very marketable and accomplished Big men in Z and Goodies for a 7 million dollar discount on KG and they get to unload one of their 3 disgruntled and expensive point guards. Actually the most expensive and disgruntled of the three, at that, in Marko Jaric. For the Cavs trouble, they get locked up in pricey contracts unto the apocalypse, but they also get to sport the 2 best players in the world, and get an upgrade at the point who can play and cover multiple positions. Granted, not the dream return on one of the greatest players to ever play the game, but it's better than being forced to dish him for another ultra expensive star who won't get them any closer to contention.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000,000,000

2. Z and Larry Hughes for Jason Kidd and Jason Collins
Why it works: This one is way less insane, I'd even describe it as a real possibility. New Jersey is looking to unload JKidd, despite the fact that he's never been better. Marcus Williams looks like he's gonna pan out, and 2 more years at over 40Mil is a lot to swallow for the aging Kidd. With Vinsanity also possibly about to opt out, Larry Hughes becomes massively more enticing to them, not to mention Z being the big man they're desperate for. As a cherry on top, they get to unload Collins, who is a deadbeat, and an expensive one to boot. For the Cavs, the upside is obvious; we upgrade from a bunch of deadbeats at PG to arguably the greatest man to ever run the point. If Bron and Kidd can't go all the way together, than they just weren't meant to be champs.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000

3. Z, DGoods & Larry Hughes---> Pau & Mike Miller---> Channing Frye & Jam Crawford
To be more precise: Cavs send Z to Memphis, Gooden & Hughes to New York. Memphis sends Pau and Miller to Cleveland, Brian Cardinal to New York. Knicks send Frye and Jerome James to Cleveland, Crawford, Jared Jeffries and Kelvin Cato to Memphis.
Why it works: Cavs get the best out of the deal, of course, getting Pau, Frye & Mike Miller, instantly becoming favorites to win it all. In the process we unload Gooden, Hughes and Z, and the only downside is we have to take on dead beat Jerome James. Memphis gets to downgrade from the vicious Pau at +12mil for the next 4 years, to Z at 10mil for the next 3. They also get Crawford, who I feel could actually breakout in Memphis, all by his lonesome. Memphis also gets to unload their worst contract, Cardinal at +5 mil for Jeffries, a superior player for the same price. They also get Cato, who they can release at the end of the season and save another million. The Knicks get a massive face lift, getting Gooden and Hughes, who would immediately replace Frye and Crawdaddy. They get to unload James (chump) but they do have to take on Cardinal (chump). So basically the Knicks break even, Memphis makes baby steps and the Cavs win it all. I like it.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000,967,854,567

Swag gets Tagged

Got a zap from my associate over at Sloppy All Around. He said I was "Tagged" and should write 6 personal things about myself and pass it on to 6 other bloggers. Well here you go Slopster...
1. I don't encourage, take part in or like people who perpetuate Chain Letters.
2. See #1
3. I don't know 6 bloggers, and I'm damn sure not forwarding this to Henry Abbott, Bill Simmons, the BasketBawful crew or Brian Windhorst.
4. I would wish this kind of obnoxious bullshit perpetrated on Gilbert Arenas and his probably retarded blog. But again, see #1.
5. I can't open my eyes under water.
6. I have to admit I do sort of find Nala (yes, the female lion from The Lion King) kind of hot. But in a strictly Jessica Rabbit sort of way, if you know what I mean...

So now I'm passing it on to all of you, my loyal Swagites. Write in to the Swag (ygalbot@gmail.com), or leave it in the comments section, with 6 personal things about you. You can leave it anonymous, or leave some personal info. I wanna hear your darkest secrets. C'mon, sidle up to the Cap'n and whisper in his ear...