Simmons on his Game

There's a reason Bill Simmons is basically everyone's favorite sports writer, including ours here at the Swag. Brilliance like this, from his pre All Star blog:

Every ovulating groupie within a 12-hour vicinity will be making the weekend drive to Vegas to hopefully get impregnated by an NBA player -- a list that includes every hooker, stripper and jock-sniffing female between 16 and 40 from Vegas, Reno, Sacramento, San Diego, San Francisco, Oakland, Phoenix and every city and town in the Los Angeles area. To its credit, the NBA is recommending that all players wear two condoms at once, even during the day and when they're sleeping.

It's an obvious joke, and almost everyone made it, but Simmons hits it out of the park.

Woah! Multiple Shootings at All Star Weekend in Vegas

Color me sarcastically shocked. What the deuce was expected from a giant NBA party in Vegas? God I wish I could've gone. I think WWTDD captures it best:

What Would Tyler Durden Do?