Showing posts with label NBA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NBA. Show all posts

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Jews Love Colangelo?

Maybe... Check this nauseating little bit from the Toronto Star about how Bryan Colangelo got Anthony Parker from Maccabi Tel Aviv:
Colangelo offered $1 million and then $1.5 million to try to get Parker out. He thought that would be enough: Under the terms of the NBA's collective bargaining agreement, the most a team can pay to buy out a player is $500,000.
The rest of the money comes from the departing player.
In the end, as both a symbolic and significant buyout the Raptors offered $1.8 million to free Parker to sign in Toronto.
The 1.8 number comes from the Hebrew number 18, the number Parker now wears on his Toronto uniform: The Jewish symbol signifying life.
"I think they appreciated the figure," Colangelo said. "I've had others tell me that." Toronto Star

As a Jew who loves Israel, let me just say, this was the kind of gesture that Maccabi Tel Aviv smiled and shook hands over, then rolled their eyes as they turned away.
Yes it's true that 18 is the numerical equivalent of the Hebrew letters "chet" (pronounced like coughing up a hairball) and "yood". The two letters together spell "chai" (also pronounced like coughing up a hairball). As anyone who's ever seen Fiddler on the Roof can tell you, "chai" means "life."
And since the executives at Maccabi Tel Aviv are essentially Ewoks, this clever little play mystified the Israeli suits into letting Anthony "Peak After 30" Parker go for under market value. Colangelo pulled a C3PO on them, and convinced them he was a deity, come to reclaim Parker.

That's apparently the way Colangelo sees it. And, coincidentally, in a recent interview when asked about the future of the Raptors, he cryptically only answered, "If I were a rich man, yi da di da di da di..."



Look, the execs for Maccabi Tel Aviv, former EuroLeague champs, aren't bushmen, and they're not gonna trade the franchise for beads. They knew they were pretty much gonna lose Parker either way, so they wanted as much money as possible to court replacements. It's really that simple. I'd be willing to bet that they didn't even make the connection between the 1.8 and "life."

Colangelo didn't bottle the wind for them, or reconnect them with their ancestral spirits. He paid them. Believe it or not, in foreign lands basketball is still a business.

Which is not to say that Bryan Colangelo isn't welcome in the Swag HQ for Passover, we'd love to have him. Just save the cultural communing and clever trickery for the Euro League team from Endor.
We ain't buying.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Telfair Upddate (with an extra "d" for a double dose of this pimpin'...)

Gazaaah! Telfair's done. But the controversy might be just beginning... Check this from the Boston Globe.

"I wanted to let you know that we have removed Sebastian's nameplate from his locker in Waltham," wrote Grousbeck. "The facts and circumstances of his case have not been determined but he does not have a Celtics locker and we do not anticipate that he will." Boston Globe

Well that was a weird way to say you're done with the guy. Focus in on the important stuff... his locker. I bet his lawyer will be so utterly owned, he'll have no choice but to sheepishly skulk away...

"I just think that what [the Celtics] did was with the season over they saw a chance to take a public relations shot and they did," said Hayes. "He doesn't do drugs. He doesn't smoke. He takes good care of his family. He's never been involved in any of those deals with beating girlfriends or causing trouble in nightclubs. He is not a guy who embarrasses you. He's a nice young guy. He's had a tough year.
"Why do that [make a public statement about removing the nameplate]? Why not say, 'Give it a little time. We'll see what happened.' They should show more restraint after they told him not to cooperate with police against a group of hoodlums [in the Fabolous case] who have been terrorizing athletes and celebrities across the country." Boston Globe




Woah, did we just veer off into the tangential world of cross country gangsta-chic terroristas? Or is Hayes just referring to the paparazzi, who must incessantly hound Telfair on the red carpet with his A-List friends like Laura Dern and Sam Elliot?

What the hell is going on? Telfair isn't what you might describe as "good" at basketball, but he's also not horrible. He could be a contributor for a team. Frankly, I can't imagine how a dude gets cut for being arrested with a gun, cooperating fully with police in a completely non-violent incident. Meanwhile Stephen Jackson literally fires his gun in public, and doesn't even get suspended.
Am I reading the article correctly? Does it say Telfair could get a minimum of 3 years in jail? Yikes. With his small muscular build and soft angelic features, he'll be the Belle of the ball, if you know what I mean. It also doesn't bode well for him that he's "beefing" with Fabolous, who may or may not have "peeps" who are "on lock" for being "straight up thugs, son." I'm quoting from my standard issue David Stern's Guide to Understanding Hip Hop Culture (the DSGUHHC).



Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Sebastian Telfair: Through the Fire?

Or just opening fire? Interesting factoid: Sebastian Telfair has had more double-doubles in his career than run ins with the law over gun beefs. That's right, in 3 seasons the documentary film star has had 3 double doubles and 2 gun snafus. When you do the math on that, the Celtics finally realize what the rest of the league has known for a while; Sebastian Telfair sucks, and is not worth the trouble.
And now comes news the Celtics are doing the smart thing; pissing away the millions they spent on him, and "cutting ties." Even if Telfair hadn't gotten arrested, signing him last off season was a stupid gamble aimed at netting Iverson, which would have been a stupid trade. Ainge essentially mortgaged respectability at a chance to get the Answer. He may come out of all this smelling like roses if they land Oden or Durant, but that should be cold comfort to the Celts who remain years away from contending for the playoffs.
I'll admit that even I was wooed by Telfair's upside, but I realized even sooner than the Boston front office that signing Telfair was like bringing a knife to a gun fight.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Year End Awards: Short Form

I'll do a more exhaustive version of this at the end of the playoffs, but for now let's see who's who in the NBA. Adrian Wojnarowski put this into a nice format today, so I'll do mine the same way.

Most Valuable Player
Steve Nash
Woj makes an interesting point when assessing Nash's career best season by saying Amare's return buoyed Steve's numbers. Well, I agree Amare's return made the Suns better. But Nash is shooting a career best FG% and 3PT% and I'm not sure how much that really has to do with Stoudy. Sure you can argue that Amare's tenacious play in the paint has freed up Nash to trigger 3s at will, but I think Nash's offensive output has more to do with the fact that while he's been long recognized as the best dimesman in the league, in reality he should also be recognized as the flat out best pure shooter in the game. As far as form and function go, Kevin Martin is the only guy in the league who sports a competitively frightening shooting ability. On top of the fact that Nash has put in a career best 11.6 assists and has noticeably improved his defense, I'm loathe to award him the honor for the last 2 years and not this, his best, year.
As for Dirk, he's obviously one of the beastliest dudes in the league, and is the best player on the best team. But saying that Amare's return takes from Nash's accomplishment, and not saying that Josh Howard's emergence does the same for Dirk is unfair. I would argue that Howard becoming a legit superstar and offensive threat has made life far easier for Nowitzki. It's definitely neck and neck, but I'm leaning toward Nash... again.
The rest of the guys in the discussion: LeBron is getting unfairly cut out. His "sub par" first half was still pretty stellar. His team has about as good a chance as any to win the East, and his post All Star Break performance has been arguably the best in the league. For his name to not even be discussed is criminal. Same goes for Tim Duncan. In fact, I think John Hollinger made an exceptional case for Tim Duncan as MVP... but not quite. Bringing up the rear would be Dwayne Wade. His team has been unimpressive, and he missed 2 months, but nobody's more valuable to their team than Dweeani (that's a phonetic spelling of how one would pronounce his name, not knowing that's it's the same as Dwayne).
An honorable mention goes out to Chris Bosh who had a stellar year and is clearly as important to his team as anybody. A dishonorable mention goes to Kobe, who is undeniably one of the greatest ever. However his team is so god awful (I'm more and more convinced it's his fault too) that I can't even abide by his name being thrown into discussion. If you honestly believe his name belongs in this debate, then you should really be considering, Jason Kidd, Vince Carter, 'Melo, Elton Brand, Gilbert Arenas and Baron Davis, all of whom have comparable, if not better, numbers and play for mediocre to lousy teams that are more frightening to me than the Lakers.

The Ballot: Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki, Tim Duncan, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade
Honorable Mention: Chris Bosh
Dishonorable Mention: Kobe Bryant


Rookie of the Year
Brandon Roy
This may be the least interesting R.O.Y. race in history. Roy's been very good, Bargnani's been good too, then there's a long list of intriguing guys who didn't get as much of a chance to show their stuff. Based on sheer numbers, you have to give it to Roy. But the more interesting discussion is upsides. It looks like Brandon Roy's showed us pretty much what he can do. His numbers should improve from experience next season, but I'd be shocked if they took the type of steep uphill climb that DWade's took in his second year. On the other hand, Bargnani looks like he just gave us a taste of what's to come. I could definitely see Bargnani developing into somewhat of Dirk Lite over the next few seasons.
Tyrus Thomas, LaMarcus Aldridge, Jorge Garbajosa, Rudy Gay and Rajon Rondo have extremely intriguing futures. By the time the All Star break rolled around, it had become exceedingly clear that neither the Grizzlies nor the Celtics had anything to play for except Oden and Durant. So they both started giving their rookies chances to shine. And shine they did. Gay's turning into a frightening multi position offensive/defensive beast. I wouldn't be shocked to see him put up Shawn Marionesque numbers within the next few years. Same goes for the tenacious and scrappy Rajon Rondo, substituting JKidd's name for Marion's in the comparison. Thomas is clearly the defensive monster of the future, and if he can develop any semblance of a mid range shot, he could become a terrifying low post presence. Aldridge's game shows more equilibrium, less room for improvement, but still a promising future.
Honorable mentions go to Craig Smith and Paul Millsap, who show mad heart and hustle, which you gotta love. Dishonorable mention goes to the guy I picked as a lock to be a huge disappointment: Adam Morrison. What can I say about Morrison that I haven't already screamed about college basketball? He sucks, it sucks, end of story.

The Ballot: Brandon Roy, Andrea Bargnani, Rudy Gay, Rajon Rondo, Tyrus Thomas.
Honorable Mentions: Lamarcus Aldridge, Jorge Garbajosa, Craig Smith, Paul Millsap, Randy Foye, Tarrence Kinsey
Dishonorable Mention: Adam Morrison

Defensive Player of the Year

Tim Duncan
Dude, are you kidding me? Without Timmy's rock solid D, the Spurs would be nowhere. He can do it all, and when everybody's been warning of decline, he just keeps up the same old same old. The Spurs are still my favorite to win it all, and he's the reason why. Nobody more terrifying in the playoffs, plus, the icing on the cake of any case for Duncan as D.P.Y. is the fact that he has the hardest to defend position on the planet; PF/C in the West. He could probably convince me he deserves this award if he was covering 3rd string point guards, but he's not. On a nightly basis he's covering Kevin Garnett, Elton Brand, Dirk, Yao, Pau, Boozer/Okur, Amare, Nene, Randolph and that's not even bringing the East into the discussion, which adds Bosh, Shaq, Jefferson, Howard, Sheed, Jamison and Jermaine O'Neal. Bottom line, he does it against the best, and nobody does it better. This is a tough category to quantify, so I won't even bother ranking the rest, I'll just list the defensive stalwarts who deserve recognition.

The Ballot: Tim Duncan, Shawn Marion, Bruce Bowen, Shane Battier, Marcus Camby
Honorable Mentions: Ben Wallace, Raja Bell, Kevin Garnett, Tayshaun Prince, Emeka Okafor, Josh Howard, Gerald Wallace, Josh Smith
Dishonorable Mentions: Eddy Curry, Zach Randolph, Chris Webber


Most Improved Player

Al Jefferson
I know the popular choice here is Kevin Martin. And I'm not even suggesting that Martin isn't the better player. I like Martin a lot. In fact he's pretty much the best shooter in the league next to Steve Nash. But the thing is; I knew that last year. The only reason KMart didn't do the exact same thing last year, is that the offense was still running through Mike Bibby and Ron Artest primarily. Then the next two guys were Brad Miller and Bonzi Wells. Look at Martin's numbers from last year. They were almost exactly where they are this year in %s, and they reflected that he played about 10 minutes less per game. Which he did. I'm not saying Martin isn't awesome, he's just a guy who didn't get as many minutes, and when he did, his numbers inflated in a perfectly proportional way.
Jefferson's numbers more than doubled on less than double the minutes. He claimed the paint like a beast. He rebounds among the best in the league, he blocks shots, he shoots a high percentage. He's flat out turned into a monster big man. Things just seemed to click for him, and I gotta give him the award over the other guys 'cause I thought he was an official bust, and he flipped overnight. Monta Ellis showed a drastic increase in FG% and FT%, and that is why his minutes are drastically up, and though he's not playing quite twice as much, his numbers are doubled everywhere (unfortunately including turnovers, but that'll happen with a guy who drives to the hoop this viciously). I love Monta's energy, he's on the perfect team to get to showcase his skill set. He drives like Kevin Johnson used to, only even more controlled.
Biedrins has to be in the discussion, he's clearly got a huge future in this league. He might become one of the elite big men... but I doubt it. He's weak, and I don't buy his "tough face." I'd also nominate Sasha Pavlovic, who looks like a newer, sleeker, meaner version of himself. He's cutting to the hoop like a maniac, and almost providing LeBron the true running mate Larry Hughes was supposed to be.
Wojnorowski put Tyson Chandler on the ballot, which I can't agree with, 'cause I knew he could rebound and block shots like a beast. And he changed to a team with no other legit centers, so he got ample more space to showcase his beastliness. If you put him in, you have to put Josh Smith, but we all knew he could do what he's done too. I like this category for the guys you couldn't predict. Honorable mentions go to the 3 headed 6th man on the Golden State Warriors. Barnes and Azibuike were waiver fodder, and Pietrus in a rut, but Nelson let them break loose. Whichever one is in the game can take over. Also Eddy Curry, who is massively better, but still makes me want to vomit with his 900 TOs per game, lack of steals or blocks (or defense of any kind) and pitiful FT%. And to think, it may end up that the Knicks traded Durant/Oden for him.
Dishonorable mention to Larry Hughes who I wish I could say was a candidate here, but he continues to disappoint. Chump.

The Ballot: Al Jefferson, Monta Ellis, Kevin Martin, Andris Biedrins, Sasha Pavlovic
Honorable Mention: Eddy Curry, Mickael Pietrus, Matt Barnes, Kelenna Azabuike
Dishonorable Mention: Larry Hughes

6th Man of the Year

Leandro Barbosa

This one is a no brainer. Manu is not really a 6th man, and the difference between Barbosa and the next best candidate, Stackhouse, is not even close. This would only be a competitive category if Ben Gordon was still coming off the bench like he did in the first half of the season. Barbosa puts up (stellar) starter numbers in bench minutes. He's a blur, he can shoot from anywhere, and he's pretty much the heir to the throne in Phoenix.

The Ballot: Leandro Barbosa, Manu Ginobli, Jerry Stackhouse, Andres Nocioni, Sasha Pavlovic
Honorable Mention: Monta Ellis/Andris Biedrins/Mickael Pietrus/Matt Barnes/Kelenna Azibuike (whoever doesn't start and comes off the bench 1st).
Dishonorable Mention: LeBron James (that dude starts too damn well, he's the worst 6th man ever)



Monday, April 9, 2007

Monday, Muddy Monday

Honestly now...

God Shammgod

Him and World B. Free need to hold an annual Ridonkulous Names Charity Streetball Tournament. Apple Blythe Allison Martin (Gwyneth Paltrow's kid) & Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee (Jason Lee's kid) will be the guest MCs for the event.
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Jewish Jordan? More like Jewish Jud Beuchler. Looking for Mr. Goodman...




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Traylor the Jailer

Think he'll get a new nick name in the Slam?





All jokes aside, I feel bad for the Tractor and, to a lesser extent, the thousands of junkies going without a fix in Michigan...

No that's not a shower of cocaine, it's the backboard silly.
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Cut Short: Dwayne Casey, Bernie Bickerstaff, (soon to be) Bob Hill


Extended: Doc Rivers, Isiah Thomas and (soon to be) Brian Hill





What's wrong with this picture? How the hell are the best 3 coaches out of these 6 awful teams the ones who lose their jobs, while the 3 worst coaches in the galaxy get cushy extenshes? Something weird is afoot...
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Cavs and Bulls both lost, Clips and Warriors both lost. So for all my fellow Cavs/Warriors fans out there, hope is still alive, but we've got a hell of an uphill climb. Cavs pretty much need to win the rest of their games to pull a game ahead of the Bulls and lock up a top 4 seed, and to hold off the surging Raptors for the 2 seed. The Warriors need to do the same to gain ground on the Clippers and lock up that coveted 8 seed. All you high school football players, take a knee and say a prayer for Cleveland and Oakland...

Saturday, April 7, 2007

J Kidd and Vinsanity: Double Triple Double

Jason Kidd and Vince Carter both put up triple doubles in the same game.

V. Carter 16-28 FG 16 REB 10 ASS 46 PTS
J. Kidd 4-12 FG 16 REB 18 ASS 10 PTS 9 TO

Yes that's right, Kidd was 1 TO away from a quadruple double. Nuts! Has 2 trip dubs on the same team in the same game ever happened before?

Friday, April 6, 2007

50 Cent Presents: Michael Ray Redux

See, here's my problem with the myriad people coming to Richardson's defense on his stupid, bigoted, yet warm hearted statements about Jews: once you start giving passes for "good" intent, you create more confusion over what is and is not acceptable.
Jewish propensity for financial and legal positions is based in an ages old tradition of getting hunted down, murdered, enslaved or expelled by essentially every society on the planet. In short, we've been hunted since day one, so we find ourselves in jobs that we can pick up and take with us in the middle of the night when the storm troopers come to kill us. In fact, in a lot ways we're like Jedis, only we use Math proficiency instead of light sabers. Now Michael Ray actually hinted toward this understanding in his comments about his kick ass "Jew lawyers." When you factor in his time spent in Israel, Jewish wife and kids, I can sort of live with it. Additionally, his famous "Ship be sinking..." quote may be the most inadvertently insightful and simultaneously hilarious statement by a pro athlete in history. So I've talked it over with the rest of the Jews at the weekly conspiracy meeting, and we're gonna officially give Michael Ray a pass.
50 Cent is a different story altogether. Forget about the fact that he's a terrible and talentless rapper. Forget about the fact that he's maybe the worst influence on the youth of our country since Joe Camel. Forget about the fact that he's a multi gajillionaire crying about having to pay lawyers who probably have to work 'round the clock to keep him and his moronic posse out of jail. Even forget about his obscenely unwatchable movie Get Rich or Die Trying, which was like an elegy of idiocy. My question is this; what the hell is 50 Cent doing calling up a radio station to warn them about Jewish lawyers? Is there some sort of imminent attack by roving bands of lawyers? Is the law firm of Smilovitz, Smilovitz, Rothstein and Rosenbaum hitting the streets with high tech weaponry and bad attitudes? Or is 50 Cent just a fucking idiot?
My worry is that 50 heard Michael Ray and got it in his head that that was an acceptable thing to say. I know someone who just lost his invite to the Annual Matzoh Ball Soup Cook Off. Sucks for him, 'cause we're gonna be drinking Manischewitz "like it's your birthday..."

Monday, April 2, 2007

Mike Freeman: Putting the "Slow" in Slow News Day

Monday's been pretty slow on the news front, and I've been pretty busy with my job that pays. I'll give you a hint, it's not blogging about basketball. Anyhoo, this little item from CBS Sportsline caught my eye... and then jabbed a fork in it and twisted. It's by Mike Freeman. Like Jemele Hill, I'm hoping this dunce isn't long for the journalism world...

I'm right. I'm right in thinking that the Florida Gators could probably beat five lower echelon NBA teams on a neutral court.

Ummm, no you're not right. Obviously this is one of those impossible to settle debates, like who's better; Shaq or Wilt? The reason is an NBA team will never play a college team, and even if they did, it would be an exhibition, and you couldn't take the results as meaningful, because the pro players would not risk injury and hustle their asses off. So clearly we need to settle this hypothetically. Unfortunate, because I'd love to see the Memphis Grizzlies dismantle the Florida Gators by something in the ballpark of 100 points. Every time I read some sports writer who has fallen in love with the "heart," and team play of college ball, I dread the inevitable declaration that _________ (insert university of choice) could beat an NBA team. But this guy is pushing the boundaries of journalistic integrity, rational thought, minimal basketball knowledge and at least a hundred other societal norms.

"The best college team of the last 10 years," Cuban told me in an e-mail, "would lose by 50 to any team at the bottom of the NBA."
That Cuban is so shy with his opinions.
Would the Gators really beat an NBA team?
When asked to explain further, Cuban said: "Because every guy on an NBA roster is better than 99 (percent) of guys on college rosters. They are more skilled, play harder and (are) bigger."
These are the teams Florida would definitely whup: Memphis, Boston and Milwaukee. No-brainers. Memphis might be one of the top 10 worst teams in the history of the sport. Boston is not far behind. Milwaukee is just awful.
After those teams, the Gators would give just about any of the lower-ranked Eastern Conference franchises a fight -- including the New York Knicks.
Go ahead and tell me about the gap in ability and athleticism between the NBA and college. Spout the tripe and nonsense about how great the NBA is. The league is not great; it's top heavy. It is the Mavericks, Detroit, Phoenix and San Antonio. Maybe Cleveland because they have LeBron James. Just about the rest of the league these days is middling, average ball at best.


Oh sweet lord! Thank God Cuban didn't hesitate to put this guy in his place. Memphis is bad. No denying it. And they've definitely had an awful season, one of the worst ever. But they were without their best player for half the year, had coaching and front office turmoil all year, and more than likely have been tanking games since the All Star break to jockey for position on Greg Oden. Incidentally, they have given many excellent teams runs for their money along the way. I'd say Corey Brewer and Joakim Noah could make the Grizzlies roster. They more than likely would not get cut or sent down to the D-League. That said, the rest of the Gators roster can't cut it in the NBA. Cuban is absolutely 100% correct when he states plainly that the worst NBA player is one of the top 1% of college players who can even have a professional basketball career of any kind, let alone make it in the NBA. I would expect that Noah's fieriness and screams of passion would be silenced relatively quickly once he's being guarded, and has to guard, a one Pau Gasol. Maybe Noah won't be a bust in the NBA, although I'm very skeptical of his fundamental skill (I get it, he's a team player, a coach's dream, a fiery passionate guy who loves to win... who has a pretty crappy shot, even from up close, and is deceptively small and unimposing for 6"11') but he would get dominated from top to bottom by an unstoppable beast like Pau. NBA players have to play against other NBA players. They don't get to hone their talents against 5"9', 120 pounders. They have to bump with 7"5' 280 pound freaks of nature. That's why only the best and biggest can do it.

These are the teams Florida would definitely whup: Memphis, Boston and Milwaukee. No-brainers.

There's definitely a no brainer involved here; it's Freeman. For him to suggest that Michael Redd, Andrew Bogut, Charlie Villanueva, Mo Williams and Bobby Simmons would lose against any 5 you could glean from the Gator roster, and what's more, to suggest it's obvious? That's criminal negligence in reporting. I would expect that game to end with a score in the neighborhood of 140-65 in favor of the Bucks. In fact, make it interesting; sub in Earl Boykins for Williams, and Ersan Ilyasova for Villanueva, Dan Gadzuric for Bogut, Charlie Bell for Redd and Ruben Patterson for Simmons. I'll take Ilyasova, Bell, Boykins, Gaddy, and Patterson over the Gators by a more respectable 120-75.
And that's not even factoring in the question of which court and rules they'd be playing with. If they play on the NBA court for 48 minutes with a 24 second shot clock, the college lightweights would have to learn to play a game that moves way faster with a 3 point arc that sits several feet father back. You see, in the NBA the arc is 23'9" from the hoop (22' on the baseline) in college it is 19'9". That's right, for those of you keeping track at home, that means the college "men" shoot from 4 feet closer than the NBA. Which means Earl Boykins could lie down head to tow in between the two arcs and that the college guys can't shoot from as far as the ladies of the WNBA. This would kill them. They'd be getting shot clock violations on every other play and since the college game relies entirely on unskilled shooters chucking as many 3s as possible, they'd actually have to play in the paint occasionally. So that farther line is not inconsequential. If it goes the other way and they play on the college court with the 35 second shot clock and the 3 point arc less than 20 feet from the basket, the Bucks would hit no less than 50 three pointers, while eating the clock, and potentially thrashing the Gators even worse.
God damn it! This painfully ignorant article is giving me a damn ulcer. I could write a hundred more pages on this subject, but let me just put it this way, there is a clear and indisputable hierarchy: High School Girls get beaten by College girls who get beaten by High School boys, who get beaten by WNBA women, who get beaten by College boys, who get undeniably dominated in every sense of the word by NBA players (the only lack of clarity comes with EuroLeague, which is slowly starting to prove it can compete on the NBA level). You see the delineation? It's all boys girls, and women until you get to the NBA. There are no men, only players. If a woman could play on the level of NBA players, she would be counted not as a woman, but as a player. And if she was on the Bucks, she would join in the absolute and unabashed extermination of the Florida Gators.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Micheal Ray Richardson

My first instinct is to make fun of his (supposedly) purposefully misspelled name. But then I keep thinking about D-W-Y-A-N-E Wade and I feel like I might be opening a can of worms that might splash guys I actually like. So let's table the discussion on how you spell Michael.
Micheal Ray Richardson, for those who don't remember, had solid career per game averages of 14.8 points, 5.5 rebounds, 7 assists and 2.6 steals. He was the first guy in league history to lead the league in assists and steals, in his second season, with 10.1 dimes and 3.2 steals per game (that stat seems weird to me, wouldn't you think that would've happened earlier?). Then he got bounced from the league for teaching skiing classes on his upper lip, if you know what I mean. You don't? He was a coke head. At any rate, he's finally found a way to make people not immediately associate his name with drugs:

"I've got big-time lawyers," Richardson said. "I've got big-time Jew lawyers."

When told by the reporters that the comment could be offensive to people because it plays to the stereotype that Jews are crafty and shrewd, he responded with:

"Are you kidding me? They are. They've got the best security system in the world. Have you ever been to an airport in Tel Aviv? They're real crafty. Listen, they are hated all over the world, so they've got to be crafty. They got a lot of power in this world, you know what I mean? Which I think is great. I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. If you look in most professional sports, they're run by Jewish people. If you look at a lot of most successful corporations and stuff, more businesses, they're run by Jewish. It's not a knock, but they are some crafty people."



Now they'll call him Micheal Ray the Bigot, instead of Micheal Yay Richardson, or Coke Slope Richardson, or Powder, or even Micheal Ray the Potential Nobel Prize Winner.
As a Jew, let me just say I'm so glad he didn't mean it as a "knock." And let me also say that I am indeed crafty. And I am indeed hated all over the planet. But I'm sure all black people don't want to be associated with Richardson, and so, I imagine, most Jews don't want to be associated with me. How many times do idiots like Richardson and Reggie White need to say absolutely ridiculous things like this before people realize that prefacing a racial stereotype as a compliment does not make people of that race receptive? Stuff like this pisses me off enough to call my handlers at the international Jewish conspiracy (the IJC) and make some heads roll. In fact, starting right now, I'm letting all you pale faces know that me and my chosen peeps will be firing all non Jews from our media outlets, law firms, banks, movie studios and delis. Good luck suing someone, making a movie, watching the news, opening a checking account or scoring a roast beef on rye, chumps. We're about to exhibit our craftiness.

Right Thurrrrsday, Son

At least two NBA coaches believe that Houston is planning to play again. Houston, whose contract expires this summer, retired in October 2005 with chronic knee pain. Until then, he remains the second highest paid player in the league at $20.7 million behind Minnesota's Kevin Garnett ($21 million). New York Daily News

I have 2 questions: 1) Why the hell did New York ever dole out 21 million dollars to a glorified Rip Hamilton? 2) How the hell are they considering buying out Francis, who can actually still play, and not Houston? Is there something I'm missing here? Why is Houston even welcome in the practice facility sucking down 21 million dollars to do nothing. He wasn't even close to worth that when he was active. All that said, I would entertain a veteran's minimum contract for Houston if he wants to drain treys for Cleveland...



More than 10 months after it was introduced, the energy drink named for Bulls guard Ben Gordon, BG7, still isn't in stores, and there is no timetable for its release. ''No marketing plans,'' Gordon said Wednesday when asked for an update. ''It's a tough business, any time you go into the food and drink business. ''I don't pay much attention to it. I let those people handle it. When it comes out, it comes out.'' Chicago Sun-Times


I just know there's an exceptional "Red Bull" joke to be made here, but I just can't think of it. I'm sure Bill Simmons is way ahead of me on this...






Ummmmm... that's a dude. I know it's supposed to be a chick, and "she" is surrounded by other girls wearing uniforms that look like hers. So the automatic assumption is that she is also a girl. You know when you're at a bar and your friend is scoping a really tall muscular chick and his mouth is watering, and just then you spot her Adam's apple, and you say, "Dude, that's a dude." And your friend, goes, "what are you talking about? She's super hot!" and you're like, "Okay John Amaechi, but that's a dude." And he doesn't believe you and he leaves with the guy/girl. And the next time you see him he's all, "I don't want to talk about it!" Has that ever happened to you? Well that's what I feel like watching this video. I get it. It's awesome. A chick who can dunk. Except that's a dude.

Before the game, James took a little shot at Marbury's $14.98 kicks, saying he couldn't imagine endorsing a sneaker that cheap.

"No, I don't think so," James said. "Me being with Nike, we hold our standards high."

Marbury, who is friendly with James, was lacing up his Starburys before the game when informed of LeBron's comment. He thought about it for a moment and said, "I'd rather own than be owned."



And I'd rather own then be Pwned! Holy shit, did Bron drop a not-so-subtle dig on Starbury and have it smashed back in his face? New found respect for Marbury. Guess I'll stop calling him Stephanie.



Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Oh Sweet Lord... Y'Know, Wait Just a Second...

It is unlikely that Francis will return next season. The Knicks reneged on a buyout agreement with Francis after Jamal Crawford suffered a season-ending ankle injury. A Cavs source said that the team was made aware of Francis' pending buyout and had internal discussions about acquiring him. New York Daily News

Initially I thought, "Oh great, the Cavs are gonna shell out for some overpaid bum." But then I thought about it. This might not be so bad. If the Knicks buy out Franchise's contract, he'll still bring home something in the region of 30 million over the next 2 seasons from New York. Which means he'll be inclined to accept a bargain basement vet's minimum to play with Bronny. What's more, I think it's safe to assume getting bought out and released by one of the sorrier teams in the league might be the motivation Francis needs to recapture that old fire. He's not that old, and when he wants to he has exhibited that he can still play.
I also think Francis would be motivated to sign a one year deal for the vet's minimum to raise his dollar to sign another fat contract with some poor sucker next year. If Stevie recaptures some of that spark, make no mistake, there'll be a line of chumps waiting to pay him like he's Sam Cassell. Problem is he's no Sam Cassell. But I'd have been happy to take him for the playoffs this year, and certainly for the whole campaign next year. Bottom line is Francis is a steal for under 2 million.
Hughes has been solid running the point for the Cavs, but we need a point guard. A real point guard. That may not be Francis, but for just over a million a year, that's a gamble I'm ready to take. He's never lit it up in the playoffs, in fact I'm not 100% sure he's ever even been to the playoffs, but he's still Steve Francis, one of the best opportunity creators in the league, one of the best rebounding guards, and one of the biggest egos. And that's actually something the Cavs could use a little of. We need some Franchise swagger.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Artestament

But according to a source close to Artest and away from his basketball life, he is very serious about retirement. According to the source, who didn't want to go on record for fear of reprisal, Artest plans to play overseas for a year or two, with hopes that he can put the seemingly nonstop turmoil behind him in a more discreet environment while leaving open the possibility of a return to the NBA. The list of off-the-court transgressions for Artest has only grown this season, from his dog being seized by Placer County in late January to his March 5 arrest on domestic violence charges. Sacramento Bee

Honestly, at this point, does anything this guy does surprise anyone? He could announce that he plans to play for an "overseas team" from fucking Jupiter and I wouldn't bat an eyelash. The only ways this can possibly play out are as follows: 1) Ron is Ron, and within a week, his bi-polar valley will have passed, he'll be back on a peak, and he'll take back everything about retiring and re-re-re-recommit to playing for the Kings. 2) Ron is Ron and he goes to play for Dynamo Bucareste or some other Eastern Euro squad. He loves it in Romania, claims EuroLeague is the new NBA, punches out a ref, starts a riot in downtown Galatz, and has his jersey retired by the KGB. Bear in mind none of this comes as a surprise to anyone. Somewhere Larry Bird is kicking back with an ice cold brew thinking, "I guess Jamaal Tinsley isn't that bad..."

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Ralph Nader: Stick to Ruining Elections, Let Bronny Stick to Basketball

I am now gonna post an open letter Ralph Nader sent to the King. He asks LeBron to "pressure" Nike to fix the practices of warehouses all over the world where people work in shitty conditions. Let me preface by saying I think Nader is an ass. A well meaning ass with a vision for a wonderful world. A world I wish I lived in. But he doesn't know how to achieve it, so instead he just kicks as hard as he can until something breaks. The best example of this would be his presidential campaign in 2000. He may be pissed about the war in Iraq, but if he's honest, he knows he bears as much responsibility for it as anyone. Had he not run, it is (not a matter of conjecture, but guaranteed) overwhelmingly likely that the bulk of his votes would have gone to Gore and we would live in a very different place. He denies this self evident truth, and that's fine. I wouldn't want to be blamed for Iraq either, but there it is. Stunts like these are just part of his delusion.

March 21, 2007

LeBron James
Cleveland Cavaliers

Dear Mr. James:

Congratulations on your continued success as one of the NBA’s elite players. Perhaps basketball fans across the world will be able to watch you and the Cavs in the Finals very soon.

As someone who participates in many generous charitable activities, we hope you will be responsive to this appeal.

When last we wrote you in December, 2003 regarding your relationship with Nike and with the workers who produce the Nike products you endorse, you were just one month into your rookie season and six months into your reported 7 year, $90 million contract with Nike. Neither you nor your agent replied to our letter.

Since that time, Nike has admitted, through self-monitoring, that its contracted factories are places where extraordinarily low wages, physical and sexual abuse, restrictions of bathroom use and other human rights abuses take place. Finally acknowledging problems that worker’s rights advocates have been exposing for well over a decade is a responsible step for Nike, as is its important disclosure of factory locations. But this acknowledgment and disclosure does not mean the problems are being addressed.

As we expressed in our previous letter, Nike products are synonymous with sweatshops in developing nations, and the company still chooses to maximize profits on the backs of workers who live in poverty and whose human rights are unprotected. We ask that you support justice for these people.

Mr. James, pro athletes are not unlike most people in this country who tend not to believe that they have the power to influence change. Some, however, know they have the power but are afraid that speaking out publicly could disrupt their positions personally, professionally, commercially, or in the media.

But there are others. For example, athletes like Etan Thomas, Steve Nash, Carlos Delgado, Martina Navratilova, Adonal Foyle, Adalius Thomas, Josh Howard, Adam Morrison and others have all raised their voices against the war and occupation of Iraq.

Stephon Marbury has spoken out in a different way. Through direct action, Marbury has launched his own basketball sneaker, which retails for about $15. He has challenged the entire basketball sneaker industry, in part, to present inner-city kids with an affordable (yet still stylish and well-made) alternative to the $150 shoes that you and others endorse. That Marbury’s shoes, produced by Steve and Barry’s, are made in China suggests it is likely they are manufactured under sweatshop factory conditions, given that independent trade unions are illegal in China. Hopefully Marbury’s efforts toward positive change will soon lead him to address worker’s rights as well.

Mr. James, as someone who enjoys unsurpassed commercial influence and with it, great negotiating power, you are in a unique position to stand up for the people who make the products you endorse. We urge you to let Nike know that you support the rights of those workers by demanding that:

- Nike insist its contractors pay a living wage, under safe working conditions, that allows workers to meet their basic needs, and that Nike pay contractors enough to do this;

- Nike insist its contractors recognize independent unions and that factory management collectively bargain with these unions in good faith; and

- Nike agree to a program of factory monitoring through international unions and human rights organizations that are credible and completely independent of Nike.

You have a chance to make an impact around the world not just with your basketball playing ability, but for your generosity as a human being in helping to improve working conditions for hundreds of thousands of workers.

We look forward to your response. Should you or your agent require more than a letter to respond, we can arrange for two of the workers from Nike factories overseas to travel to the U.S. and meet with you personally so they can convey their eyewitness accounts. Please let us know by April 16, 2007.

Sincerely,

Ralph Nader
Washington, DC

Shawn McCarthy
League of Fans
Washington, DC



A few things jump out at me:
1) They give Bronny a deadline. They do it in a polite tone, but they straight up give him a deadline. What are they gonna do when he ignores this? Send Code Pink after him? Maybe Nader could arrange for Cindy Sheehan to brow beat James into submission.
2) These strike me as the kind of fantasy delusions people without money have about people with money. They think LeBron, being a multi-multi-millionaire, would be happy to pass on more millions at their behest. I used to write letters to Bill Gates all the time asking if I could borrow like 100 grand, which proportionally would be like someone asking me to borrow a penny. You may not be shocked to find that Gates never sent me any checks. I hope Nader isn't shocked when Bronny doesn't either.
3) They ask LeBron to use his "unsurpassed influence," and "great negotiating power," to sway Nike to change the world. I think they're underestimating Nike's business savvy. First off, LeBron is in his contract, and won't be re-negotiating for a few years, so I'm not sure what kind of leverage they think he has. Second, Nike has sunk 90Million into just signing Bron, that doesn't count the additional millions they'll spend in marketing/advertising campaigns with him. That means before they even get to production costs and paying the cut that goes to the re-sellers, their profit margin is not looking that big. See where I'm going with this? By the time LeBron is asking them shell out (considerably) more money without taking it out of his paycheck, it starts to become more reasonable for Nike to tell the King to go take a powder. Let me put it this way, LeBron, Kobe, Amare, MJ, Nash, Pierce, Paul, Parker and others all have lucrative deals, and that's just the basketball end of things. As monstrously huge as LeBron is worldwide, if they have to choose between him and profitability, I have a feeling they'll choose profits.
4) Not to belabor the point, but what Nader is exhibiting here is a dearth of business sense. He applauds Marbury's magical $15 "well made" shoe for the streets. And then criticizes the use of Chinese sweat shops. Am I the only to whom it's occurring that a $15 well made shoe is pretty much an impossibility without sweatshops? If they pay people a decent wage to make the shoes, do they not understand that the ballooning in price is not going to be eaten by the manufacturer? It will be taken on by the consumer. You have Starbury's shoes made in LA by minimum wage employees, and that shoe is gonna cost $75. Which is fine, but knock off the wide eyed wonder of a 6 year old. Why can't they just make the shoe and not make a profit? Why can't the government not go to war for oil? Why can't it rain doughnuts instead of polluted water?


Essentially my point is this: Nader's goals are not just admirable, they're laudable and beautiful. I wish the world could work that way. But we don't live in that world. We live in a world that cannot sustain the population it already has, let alone the massive exponential growth of that population. Does he think if he stops sweatshop labor that those employees are suddenly gonna get 401Ks and benefits? While the sweatshop may be hellish, it's better than starving to death because you have no job. This isn't an argument in favor of sweatshops, it's an argument in favor of realism. Until we've found a viable alternative to this economic model, we cannot just kill the model. If Nike has to pay a decent wage, which American workers don't even get, to workers in Malaysia, why the hell have it made in Malaysia? The reality is their options are sweatshop jobs, or no jobs. It's the same as people who are scared of global warming wanting to tax the shit out car makers, as if those car makers aren't going to pass along the losses by laying off workers. Those workers may want their grandchildren's grandchildren to have a beautiful earth to live on 150 years from now, but they also want their own children to have something to eat tonight. Bottom line is either LeBron and Nike both just give away millions (maybe billions) or nothing. There is no middle ground and acting like LeBron need not make a huge sacrifice, only apply pressure, is disingenuous, at best. At worst Nader is pulling a PR stunt to corner LeBron and somehow embarrass Nike into changing. It won't work, and Nike would rather have rotten tomatoes hurled at them from Nader 'til the sky falls than piss away billions. It sucks, it's sad, it's unfortunate, it's called planet Earth. Welcome.

Thanks to TrueHoop for the heads up.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Magic Courting Chauncey?

This is intriguing as hell to me. Chauncey in Orlando kills 3 birds with 1 stone. First, Orlando gets the veteran leadership they'll need when Battie is no longer starting, and Grant Hill finally faces the music and retires. Second, the Magic get the solid shooting stroke and extra scoring punch provided by one of the best pure shooters in the league (maybe the best clutch shooter in the business). Third, the Magic get one of the best point guards in the league, and then have a great trading chip in the expendable Jam Nelson (who becomes worthless with the arrival of Billups). The Magic were feeling gun shy about giving Nelson a fat extension based on his inconsistent play, this way they can let him walk, or sign & trade him for another piece. Now supposedly this would all cost the Magic Darko, but I don't see why. No way Detroit is after Darko, so what're they gonna do, just let him walk? For the 6-8 mil range, I feel like Darko's a steal. So they give Howard 85 mil, they give Chauncey 3 or 4 years at 14 per. They really oughta have money left for Darko at 7 per. Now tell me there's a more evil starting line than Darko, Dwight, Chauncey, Hedo and ________ (insert name here). They would cut a bloody swathe through the Eastern Conference.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Whatever Happened to Ricky Davis?

I certainly am no fan of the guy. I was glad to be rid of him in Cleveland, still, looking at this highlight reel of nasty dominating offensive prowess (culminating in an absolute posterization of Steve Nash) you have to wonder what happened to that explosiveness that Minnesota could so desperately use. I take responsibility for his shit night last night in Oakland; I was mercilessly heckling him every time he touched the ball. But he's not that old, and he can still do it. RD needs to turn it on to maintain relevance in this league. As James Gammon so famously put it in Major League, "we wear caps and sleeves at this level, son."

Friday, March 16, 2007

Who's Afraid of the IRA? And Other Friday Foolishness

If Ira Newble truly wants to find a team that would offer more playing time, he holds a player option on his contract for the 2007-08 season. But agent Steve Kauffman isn't going to let him walk away from a $3.4 million contract since he'd be a minimum-salary player on the open market. Despite his recent upsurge, Newble probably isn't going to get a lot of minutes since he plays the same position as James. Willoughby News-Herald

If the Notorious IRA wants to get paid more than 3.4 million dollars for his services, he better learn to rap. 'Cause he sure as shit isn't gonna get paid that much to play basketball.

Steve Francis told several NBA players of the buyout talks and that he was hoping to sign with Houston, where he lives during the offseason.
New York Daily News

Yeah, and Superman wants to re-sign with the planet Krypton, but that shit's been blown up for years...

Reserve center Scot Pollard told the team he regretted looking into a TV camera during a recent game and saying, ``Hey kids, do drugs.'' Pollard was sitting on the bench in street clothes when he made the remark during a
20-second timeout in Sunday's game against the Indiana Pacers. ``It was a bad joke,'' Pollard said in Thursday editions of the Plain Dealer. ``That's all it boils down to. There are a number of things people could say about it, but it just turned out it was a bad joke. Obviously, I don't believe that.'' Akron Beacon Journal

Obviously.

The Nets' Antoine Wright isn't backtracking about slams he put on his college "education" at Texas A&M. But he says he aimed his controversial comments at all colleges, not just A&M. "I don't regret what I said, but I regret doing the interview," said Wright, who on HBO's "Costas Now" said his high school courses were tougher than those at A&M, where athletes were "in poultry science for a reason . . . to get this grade [not] learn about chickens." New York Post


Wow, he really ripped the lid off that scandal. I think there were still 5 0r 6 people out there who didn't know athletes get a free ride at schools with competitive athletic programs.


The ratings for Marbury's premiere TV talk show with Kobe Bryant, "Stars on Stars" received a .1 rating (75,000 homes). While that would seem modest, a FoxSportsNet spokesman said the total is 15 percent higher than the programs shown in that Friday time slot the past three months. Marbury's second show is today at 4:30 p.m. Knicks superfan/filmmaker Spike Lee will be Marbury's guest. The show will be replayed Sunday at 2 p.m. and Monday at 3:30 p.m. New York Post


Only way I'm watching this show is if Marbury has Francis on as his guest and the two of them rate the top ten most overpaid players of all time.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Oh Hell Yeah: Greatest Centers Ever

From ESPN's Daily Dime, a sick list of the greatest big men to rock the court. Just reading the accolades for this list makes your mouth water. I think I might agree 100% with this list, which, in itself, is an achievment; I never agree with anything. Maybe I'd shuffle the rankings a bit, for statistical dominance and longevity, I'd probably slide David Robinson in ahead of Walton. But I may be biased by how much I hate Walton as a commentator. While we're at it, I just don't quite like the feeling of putting any names ahead of sports' greatest champion, Bill Russell. His numbers pale in comparison to Wilt's and Kareem's. But 11 championships, 2 as player/coach, is just obscene. He's the greatest, and the proof is in the pudding; he pounded Chamberlain every time. Read this sweet bit about a playoff run in his 2nd to last year:

After four games, the Celtics were trailing 1-3. However, they rallied to win the next two games, and in Game 7, Russell so out-psyched his perennial rival, that Chamberlain only attempted two shots in the entire second half. Despite this, the Celtics were leading only 97-95 with 34 seconds left when Russell closed out the game with several consecutive clutch plays.


That's what we call domination. Other than that, this list is sublime...
(click it to go right to Daily Dime)

Years PPG RPG BPG PER
Abdul-Jabbar 20 24.6 11.2 2.6 24.6
Chamberlain 14 30.1 22.9 N/A 26.2
Russell 13 15.1 22.5 N/A 18.9
O'Neal 14 26.3 11.8 2.5 27.8
Olajuwon 18 21.8 11.1 3.1 23.6
Malone 21 20.3 12.3 1.3 22.0
Walton 10 13.3 10.5 2.2 20.0
Robinson 14 21.1 10.6 3.0 26.2
Mikan 7 23.1 13.4 N/A 27.1
Ewing 17 21.0 9.8 2.4 21.0

Friday, March 2, 2007

Fantasy Line of the Year?

For a guy who didn't go in the first 3 rounds in most leagues? Maybe. He's a beast and I have him on 2 of my teams. It's potential like this that has dudes frothing at the mouth over him.
Josh Smith, just wrapped up this fantasy line tonight in a one point loss:

24 pts, 14 rebs, 2 assists, 50%FG(8/16) 2 threes(2/2), 100%FT(6/6), 2 Stls, 7 Blks, 4 TOs

I'm dancing.

Bron's Pals

There's an interesting article at Yahoo! Sports today about Lebron's cats from Akron.


I can't tell if this dude looks more like Ja Rule or Amare Stoudemire. At any rate, apparently a couple of Bron's old teammates are pretty darn good themselves. The most interesting part is how by the time some of these kids make it to the NBA Bron'll be in his 6th or 7th season already.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

KG Compares RM to MJ... WTF?

Look even I said, yesterday, that Reggie Miller has a better shot at coming back than Pippen. But maybe Garnett's going a little overboard. Peep this, (from Rick Alonzo at the Pioneer Press):

Wolves forward Kevin Garnett said he thinks Miller, now retired, could make the transition from the broadcast booth back to the court.
"If it's Reggie Miller, yeah," Garnett said. "Michael Jordan, yeah. Any other old names you want to put in there, I don't think so."

First of all, as much as we all love Michael Jordan, have you seen him lately? He's what we in the sports industry might call tubbier than hell.
He looks like he swallowed Ron Harper. Him and Charles Barkley went to a Ponderosa the other day for lunch and the staff had to change their famous "all you can eat" policy at the buffet. But that's neither here nor there, because when the hell did we start throwing Reggie's name in with Michael Jordan? And when did it pass Scottie's name on the list of all time ballers? If we expanded the 50 greatest ever to 60, Regg doesn't make the cut. In fact, I'd argue you pretty much have to expand to the top 100 ever to find Reggie's name. Granted, Reggie's old enough to be KG's dad, but maybe Garnett's showing a little too much respect.