Micheal Ray Richardson

My first instinct is to make fun of his (supposedly) purposefully misspelled name. But then I keep thinking about D-W-Y-A-N-E Wade and I feel like I might be opening a can of worms that might splash guys I actually like. So let's table the discussion on how you spell Michael.
Micheal Ray Richardson, for those who don't remember, had solid career per game averages of 14.8 points, 5.5 rebounds, 7 assists and 2.6 steals. He was the first guy in league history to lead the league in assists and steals, in his second season, with 10.1 dimes and 3.2 steals per game (that stat seems weird to me, wouldn't you think that would've happened earlier?). Then he got bounced from the league for teaching skiing classes on his upper lip, if you know what I mean. You don't? He was a coke head. At any rate, he's finally found a way to make people not immediately associate his name with drugs:

"I've got big-time lawyers," Richardson said. "I've got big-time Jew lawyers."

When told by the reporters that the comment could be offensive to people because it plays to the stereotype that Jews are crafty and shrewd, he responded with:

"Are you kidding me? They are. They've got the best security system in the world. Have you ever been to an airport in Tel Aviv? They're real crafty. Listen, they are hated all over the world, so they've got to be crafty. They got a lot of power in this world, you know what I mean? Which I think is great. I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. If you look in most professional sports, they're run by Jewish people. If you look at a lot of most successful corporations and stuff, more businesses, they're run by Jewish. It's not a knock, but they are some crafty people."

Now they'll call him Micheal Ray the Bigot, instead of Micheal Yay Richardson, or Coke Slope Richardson, or Powder, or even Micheal Ray the Potential Nobel Prize Winner.
As a Jew, let me just say I'm so glad he didn't mean it as a "knock." And let me also say that I am indeed crafty. And I am indeed hated all over the planet. But I'm sure all black people don't want to be associated with Richardson, and so, I imagine, most Jews don't want to be associated with me. How many times do idiots like Richardson and Reggie White need to say absolutely ridiculous things like this before people realize that prefacing a racial stereotype as a compliment does not make people of that race receptive? Stuff like this pisses me off enough to call my handlers at the international Jewish conspiracy (the IJC) and make some heads roll. In fact, starting right now, I'm letting all you pale faces know that me and my chosen peeps will be firing all non Jews from our media outlets, law firms, banks, movie studios and delis. Good luck suing someone, making a movie, watching the news, opening a checking account or scoring a roast beef on rye, chumps. We're about to exhibit our craftiness.

Right Thurrrrsday, Son

At least two NBA coaches believe that Houston is planning to play again. Houston, whose contract expires this summer, retired in October 2005 with chronic knee pain. Until then, he remains the second highest paid player in the league at $20.7 million behind Minnesota's Kevin Garnett ($21 million). New York Daily News

I have 2 questions: 1) Why the hell did New York ever dole out 21 million dollars to a glorified Rip Hamilton? 2) How the hell are they considering buying out Francis, who can actually still play, and not Houston? Is there something I'm missing here? Why is Houston even welcome in the practice facility sucking down 21 million dollars to do nothing. He wasn't even close to worth that when he was active. All that said, I would entertain a veteran's minimum contract for Houston if he wants to drain treys for Cleveland...

More than 10 months after it was introduced, the energy drink named for Bulls guard Ben Gordon, BG7, still isn't in stores, and there is no timetable for its release. ''No marketing plans,'' Gordon said Wednesday when asked for an update. ''It's a tough business, any time you go into the food and drink business. ''I don't pay much attention to it. I let those people handle it. When it comes out, it comes out.'' Chicago Sun-Times

I just know there's an exceptional "Red Bull" joke to be made here, but I just can't think of it. I'm sure Bill Simmons is way ahead of me on this...

Ummmmm... that's a dude. I know it's supposed to be a chick, and "she" is surrounded by other girls wearing uniforms that look like hers. So the automatic assumption is that she is also a girl. You know when you're at a bar and your friend is scoping a really tall muscular chick and his mouth is watering, and just then you spot her Adam's apple, and you say, "Dude, that's a dude." And your friend, goes, "what are you talking about? She's super hot!" and you're like, "Okay John Amaechi, but that's a dude." And he doesn't believe you and he leaves with the guy/girl. And the next time you see him he's all, "I don't want to talk about it!" Has that ever happened to you? Well that's what I feel like watching this video. I get it. It's awesome. A chick who can dunk. Except that's a dude.

Before the game, James took a little shot at Marbury's $14.98 kicks, saying he couldn't imagine endorsing a sneaker that cheap.

"No, I don't think so," James said. "Me being with Nike, we hold our standards high."

Marbury, who is friendly with James, was lacing up his Starburys before the game when informed of LeBron's comment. He thought about it for a moment and said, "I'd rather own than be owned."

And I'd rather own then be Pwned! Holy shit, did Bron drop a not-so-subtle dig on Starbury and have it smashed back in his face? New found respect for Marbury. Guess I'll stop calling him Stephanie.

Simmons on his Game

There's a reason Bill Simmons is basically everyone's favorite sports writer, including ours here at the Swag. Brilliance like this, from his pre All Star blog:

Every ovulating groupie within a 12-hour vicinity will be making the weekend drive to Vegas to hopefully get impregnated by an NBA player -- a list that includes every hooker, stripper and jock-sniffing female between 16 and 40 from Vegas, Reno, Sacramento, San Diego, San Francisco, Oakland, Phoenix and every city and town in the Los Angeles area. To its credit, the NBA is recommending that all players wear two condoms at once, even during the day and when they're sleeping.

It's an obvious joke, and almost everyone made it, but Simmons hits it out of the park.