Friday, April 6, 2007

50 Cent Presents: Michael Ray Redux

See, here's my problem with the myriad people coming to Richardson's defense on his stupid, bigoted, yet warm hearted statements about Jews: once you start giving passes for "good" intent, you create more confusion over what is and is not acceptable.
Jewish propensity for financial and legal positions is based in an ages old tradition of getting hunted down, murdered, enslaved or expelled by essentially every society on the planet. In short, we've been hunted since day one, so we find ourselves in jobs that we can pick up and take with us in the middle of the night when the storm troopers come to kill us. In fact, in a lot ways we're like Jedis, only we use Math proficiency instead of light sabers. Now Michael Ray actually hinted toward this understanding in his comments about his kick ass "Jew lawyers." When you factor in his time spent in Israel, Jewish wife and kids, I can sort of live with it. Additionally, his famous "Ship be sinking..." quote may be the most inadvertently insightful and simultaneously hilarious statement by a pro athlete in history. So I've talked it over with the rest of the Jews at the weekly conspiracy meeting, and we're gonna officially give Michael Ray a pass.
50 Cent is a different story altogether. Forget about the fact that he's a terrible and talentless rapper. Forget about the fact that he's maybe the worst influence on the youth of our country since Joe Camel. Forget about the fact that he's a multi gajillionaire crying about having to pay lawyers who probably have to work 'round the clock to keep him and his moronic posse out of jail. Even forget about his obscenely unwatchable movie Get Rich or Die Trying, which was like an elegy of idiocy. My question is this; what the hell is 50 Cent doing calling up a radio station to warn them about Jewish lawyers? Is there some sort of imminent attack by roving bands of lawyers? Is the law firm of Smilovitz, Smilovitz, Rothstein and Rosenbaum hitting the streets with high tech weaponry and bad attitudes? Or is 50 Cent just a fucking idiot?
My worry is that 50 heard Michael Ray and got it in his head that that was an acceptable thing to say. I know someone who just lost his invite to the Annual Matzoh Ball Soup Cook Off. Sucks for him, 'cause we're gonna be drinking Manischewitz "like it's your birthday..."

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