50 Cent Presents: Michael Ray Redux

See, here's my problem with the myriad people coming to Richardson's defense on his stupid, bigoted, yet warm hearted statements about Jews: once you start giving passes for "good" intent, you create more confusion over what is and is not acceptable.
Jewish propensity for financial and legal positions is based in an ages old tradition of getting hunted down, murdered, enslaved or expelled by essentially every society on the planet. In short, we've been hunted since day one, so we find ourselves in jobs that we can pick up and take with us in the middle of the night when the storm troopers come to kill us. In fact, in a lot ways we're like Jedis, only we use Math proficiency instead of light sabers. Now Michael Ray actually hinted toward this understanding in his comments about his kick ass "Jew lawyers." When you factor in his time spent in Israel, Jewish wife and kids, I can sort of live with it. Additionally, his famous "Ship be sinking..." quote may be the most inadvertently insightful and simultaneously hilarious statement by a pro athlete in history. So I've talked it over with the rest of the Jews at the weekly conspiracy meeting, and we're gonna officially give Michael Ray a pass.
50 Cent is a different story altogether. Forget about the fact that he's a terrible and talentless rapper. Forget about the fact that he's maybe the worst influence on the youth of our country since Joe Camel. Forget about the fact that he's a multi gajillionaire crying about having to pay lawyers who probably have to work 'round the clock to keep him and his moronic posse out of jail. Even forget about his obscenely unwatchable movie Get Rich or Die Trying, which was like an elegy of idiocy. My question is this; what the hell is 50 Cent doing calling up a radio station to warn them about Jewish lawyers? Is there some sort of imminent attack by roving bands of lawyers? Is the law firm of Smilovitz, Smilovitz, Rothstein and Rosenbaum hitting the streets with high tech weaponry and bad attitudes? Or is 50 Cent just a fucking idiot?
My worry is that 50 heard Michael Ray and got it in his head that that was an acceptable thing to say. I know someone who just lost his invite to the Annual Matzoh Ball Soup Cook Off. Sucks for him, 'cause we're gonna be drinking Manischewitz "like it's your birthday..."

Micheal Ray Richardson

My first instinct is to make fun of his (supposedly) purposefully misspelled name. But then I keep thinking about D-W-Y-A-N-E Wade and I feel like I might be opening a can of worms that might splash guys I actually like. So let's table the discussion on how you spell Michael.
Micheal Ray Richardson, for those who don't remember, had solid career per game averages of 14.8 points, 5.5 rebounds, 7 assists and 2.6 steals. He was the first guy in league history to lead the league in assists and steals, in his second season, with 10.1 dimes and 3.2 steals per game (that stat seems weird to me, wouldn't you think that would've happened earlier?). Then he got bounced from the league for teaching skiing classes on his upper lip, if you know what I mean. You don't? He was a coke head. At any rate, he's finally found a way to make people not immediately associate his name with drugs:

"I've got big-time lawyers," Richardson said. "I've got big-time Jew lawyers."

When told by the reporters that the comment could be offensive to people because it plays to the stereotype that Jews are crafty and shrewd, he responded with:

"Are you kidding me? They are. They've got the best security system in the world. Have you ever been to an airport in Tel Aviv? They're real crafty. Listen, they are hated all over the world, so they've got to be crafty. They got a lot of power in this world, you know what I mean? Which I think is great. I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. If you look in most professional sports, they're run by Jewish people. If you look at a lot of most successful corporations and stuff, more businesses, they're run by Jewish. It's not a knock, but they are some crafty people."

Now they'll call him Micheal Ray the Bigot, instead of Micheal Yay Richardson, or Coke Slope Richardson, or Powder, or even Micheal Ray the Potential Nobel Prize Winner.
As a Jew, let me just say I'm so glad he didn't mean it as a "knock." And let me also say that I am indeed crafty. And I am indeed hated all over the planet. But I'm sure all black people don't want to be associated with Richardson, and so, I imagine, most Jews don't want to be associated with me. How many times do idiots like Richardson and Reggie White need to say absolutely ridiculous things like this before people realize that prefacing a racial stereotype as a compliment does not make people of that race receptive? Stuff like this pisses me off enough to call my handlers at the international Jewish conspiracy (the IJC) and make some heads roll. In fact, starting right now, I'm letting all you pale faces know that me and my chosen peeps will be firing all non Jews from our media outlets, law firms, banks, movie studios and delis. Good luck suing someone, making a movie, watching the news, opening a checking account or scoring a roast beef on rye, chumps. We're about to exhibit our craftiness.