Showing posts with label TrueHoop. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TrueHoop. Show all posts

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Jews Love Colangelo?

Maybe... Check this nauseating little bit from the Toronto Star about how Bryan Colangelo got Anthony Parker from Maccabi Tel Aviv:
Colangelo offered $1 million and then $1.5 million to try to get Parker out. He thought that would be enough: Under the terms of the NBA's collective bargaining agreement, the most a team can pay to buy out a player is $500,000.
The rest of the money comes from the departing player.
In the end, as both a symbolic and significant buyout the Raptors offered $1.8 million to free Parker to sign in Toronto.
The 1.8 number comes from the Hebrew number 18, the number Parker now wears on his Toronto uniform: The Jewish symbol signifying life.
"I think they appreciated the figure," Colangelo said. "I've had others tell me that." Toronto Star

As a Jew who loves Israel, let me just say, this was the kind of gesture that Maccabi Tel Aviv smiled and shook hands over, then rolled their eyes as they turned away.
Yes it's true that 18 is the numerical equivalent of the Hebrew letters "chet" (pronounced like coughing up a hairball) and "yood". The two letters together spell "chai" (also pronounced like coughing up a hairball). As anyone who's ever seen Fiddler on the Roof can tell you, "chai" means "life."
And since the executives at Maccabi Tel Aviv are essentially Ewoks, this clever little play mystified the Israeli suits into letting Anthony "Peak After 30" Parker go for under market value. Colangelo pulled a C3PO on them, and convinced them he was a deity, come to reclaim Parker.

That's apparently the way Colangelo sees it. And, coincidentally, in a recent interview when asked about the future of the Raptors, he cryptically only answered, "If I were a rich man, yi da di da di da di..."



Look, the execs for Maccabi Tel Aviv, former EuroLeague champs, aren't bushmen, and they're not gonna trade the franchise for beads. They knew they were pretty much gonna lose Parker either way, so they wanted as much money as possible to court replacements. It's really that simple. I'd be willing to bet that they didn't even make the connection between the 1.8 and "life."

Colangelo didn't bottle the wind for them, or reconnect them with their ancestral spirits. He paid them. Believe it or not, in foreign lands basketball is still a business.

Which is not to say that Bryan Colangelo isn't welcome in the Swag HQ for Passover, we'd love to have him. Just save the cultural communing and clever trickery for the Euro League team from Endor.
We ain't buying.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Good to Be a Cavs/Warriors Fan

For Cleveland transplants to the Bay Area, such as myself, there hasn't been a playoff this exciting in a looooooong time. In fact, the Cavs and Warriors haven't won playoff games in the same year since the 1991-92 season. So for 415/216 hybrids like myself, yesterday was a foreign emotion. I couldn't believe my eyes; both the Cavs and Warriors won, and pretty handily at that. Neither team looks like a title contender, but they both look interesting, and they both have a good time in store.
The Warriors barely squeaked into the post season, and being their first time in 12 seasons, they could've gone out 4-0 in thirty point poundings, and you still couldn't wipe the grin off Bay Area faces. We don't care how bad they lose, and neither do they. The result is that they're playing loose, comfortable, scrappy and chaotic. In short; they're playing Nellie Ball. As Dallas fans can attest, it'll never get you to the big show, but it makes for enjoyable and exciting games, lots of three pointers, and just maybe a prayer. With an impressive game 1 steal, the Warriors, once again control their own destiny. All they need to do, however unlikely a feat, is defend Oracle Arena. As long as they can run the board in Oakland, there's a growing possibility we'll get to see Mark Cuban have an aneurysm on national TV.
The Cavs certainly didn't look as punishing and controlling as I may have hoped. And the announcers/pundits/bloggers/assholes have been making them pay. Despite winning by the largest margin of any of the opening games, the Cavs have been roundly panned as the least persuasive winner so far. But I honestly don't mind. Charles Barkley insists the Wizards should be heartened that they can win games, possibly the series. I don't know what game he was watching. The Cavs should still sweep the Wizards, and I don't care if they they win the rest of the games by 1 point each. Getting to the next round in as few games as possible is the priority. The Cavs'll do fine. Pacing themselves in the first round against a sorely over matched opponent is no different from pacing themselves in the regular season. When the Cavs see the Pistons/Bulls/Heat in the conference finals, I want them to be as rested and hard to read as possible. Wish granted.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

PLAYOFFS: Round 1... Buckle Up!

God damn I'm psyched. After a relatively lackluster regular season, the true season begins this Saturday. A 2 month spectacle of the best in the world doing what they do. And I'm so pumped for the playoffs I'm absolutely about to lose it. Let's take a peek at the match ups:

1-8s

Dallas Mavericks vs. Golden State Warriors

A lot of people are talking a lot of yang about Golden State's chances. Yeah, Nellie built the Mavs, nobody knows 'em better, and yes the Warriors have beaten the Mavs up and down over the last 2 seasons. But let's not get too crazy. This is playoff time in Dallas. I'd be pretty shocked if Dallas doesn't dispense with the pleasantries and smash the Warriors in 4, maybe 5, games. That said, the Warriors can win games when they're shooting well. There's just no way to stop a 5 man line where literally all 5 guys on the court can shoot 3s... if they're on. Golden State needs to catch fire and show some defensive toughness, which is far easier said than done. I just don't see how Golden State expects to defend Dirk. Their best defender is probably JRich, maybe SteJax, and neither one of them is truly big enough to stop the German Destruction Machine. SteJax's deep playoff (and championship) experience will come clutch, 'cause other than a couple years for Baron and maybe 1 or 2 seasons for Harrington, nobody else on this team has ever played any type of postseason basketball.

Progs: Dallas takes it 4-1. Golden State's MVPs will be Richardson and Jackson. Dallas will get Dallas performances out of Dirk, Josh, Jason and Jerry, and put this to bed with relative ease. Still, major kudos to the Warriors for hanging in.

Detroit Pistons vs. Orlando Magic

Murder. That's really the only word to describe what Detroit is going to do to Orlando. I would be very surprised if Orlando steals a game in this series. Here's why: Detroit is so superior to Orlando in every facet of the game, it's just not even amusing. For Orlando to win a game, they'll need Dwight Howard to play absolutely out of his mind, and not turn over the ball on every other play. Then they'll need Jam Nelson to wake up from his year long slumber. They'll need Arroyo and the rest of the bench to kick it up a notch, Grant Hill and Hedo to successfully coexist, and maybe most importantly; they'll need Darko to play like a man possessed. They need Darko to roll up all his anger and aggression toward Detroit, scrunch it up into a wee ball in his belly, and unleash it like a kamehameha all over the Palace. Another key for Orlando will be Trevor Ariza, who has been brilliant in limited action. I'd like to see him come out of his shell in the playoffs. As far as Detroit is concerned, they better win this quick, 'cause they'll see the winner of Chicago-Miami and then (most likely) Cleveland after, and they'll need to be as fresh as possible.

Progs: Detroit takes it 4-0. Expect Chauncey, Rip, Tay-tay and Sheed to show these young'ns what playoff basketball looks like. Expect Chris Webber to fade into irrelevance.

2-7s

Phoenix Suns vs. Los Angeles Lakers

I'm expecting a way less exciting re-match of the 7 game thriller from last year. Think about it, the Lakers are just as underwhelming, and the Suns are the same dominant team they were last year... plus Amare. And make no mistake; Amare will romp in the post season. Who's gonna stop him? Lamar Odom? Ronny Turiaf? Don't even dream of saying Andrew Bynum. It's true, Kwame should be back for the playoffs, and that'll help, but I'm still looking at the Suns to end this pretty fast. Kobe's uberclutchiosity should be worth a game or two, but not enough to make it interesting like last year. With Marion locking down Odom, and Bell doing as good a job on Kobe as can be done, Luke Walton's gonna need something supernatural for the Lakes to have a shot. And Raja Bell's defense is (if possible) even better this time around. I do hate being proven wrong by Kobe though, so I'm gonna extend him more respect than he deserves, to cover my bases.

Progs: Phoenix takes it 4-2, but the 4 wins will be blowouts, and the 2 losses will be overtime squeaks on Kobe heroics.

Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Washington Wizards

There has never been a better time to be a Cavs fan. New Jersey's win over the Bulls on Tuesday has written the Cavs an engraved invitation to the Eastern Conference Finals. All they need to do is crush a Washington team that is a wispy shadow of itself, and then beat the winner of Jersey-Toronto (which should be a cake walk), to earn a date with the tuckered out winner of the Chicago-Miami-Detroit melee. Honestly, there's no reason on earth why the Cavs can't make it to the Finals in less than 15 games. This is it Cleveland fans. For you Wizznutz out there, I wish you guys could be full strength so we could see a rematch of last year's overtime laden battle royale. It's unfortunate, but we'll take 'em like we can get 'em. Wizards have no hope.

Progs: Cavs take it 4-0. Antawn Jamison will come as close as anyone ever to winning the MVP of the finals while going out in the first round. He's gonna play so ferociously they'll tell stories of it for years. I'm talking 45 pts, 15 rebs, 5 assists, 4 threes, 4 steals and a block per night... in an ultimately losing effort.

3-6s

San Antonio Spurs vs. Denver Nuggets

I like this series as one of the best of the first round, but I'm still looking for San Antonio to win pretty decisively. Denver's been one of the best teams in the league in April. 'Melo and AI are meshing well, Camby and Nene are beasting on the block, Steve Blake is playing smart ball and Linas Kleiza is turning into a lights-out bench-weapon supreme. But I've been saying since day one that the Spurs have to be considered the favorite. If it weren't for Manu's last second foul-flub last year in game 7 against Dallas, I think the Spurs would have handily beaten Miami. I think this year justice will be served with a side of Southwestern dipping sauce. If Tony Parker and Manu do what they do and Tim Duncan doesn't get hit by an asteroid, the Spurs oughta lock it up.

Progs: Spurs take it 4-2. But with Nene's tough as nails athleticism and Camby's stout D, don't be surprised if Duncan looks tamer than usual.

Toronto Raptors vs. New Jersey Nets

This'll be another excellent series. Toronto looks like a team possessed, but I can't see them having a very easy time against Kidd, Carter and Jefferson, not to mention Nachbar doing his best impression of Kleiza. This could be a 7 game grind fest. The Nets are gonna find out that they miss Krstic even more than they thought, but Josh Boone and Miki Moore have been playing their asses off. They're gonna need to play the defensive series of their lives to bottle up Boshy. It'll pretty much all come down to Bosh. If he plays like he has all season, than I'd expect he'll also ramp it up for the playoffs. Of all those superstars from the '03 draft, 'Melo is the only one who hasn't shined in the post season. 'Bron, Wade, Hinrich and Howard have all been beasts in the playoffs, and I think Bosh's first trip will be a real test to see if he can truly hang with the elite from that class. I think he'll pass it... big time.

Progs: Toronto takes it 4-3. I'm looking for Kidd to be Kidd and Bosh to be Bosh. If Carter plays as well as he did last year in the playoffs, things could get even more interesting...

4-5s

Utah Jazz vs. Houston Rockets

Both of the 4-5 match ups in the playoffs feature 4 seeds without home court advantage. And I think it's gonna prove to be the difference. Houston looks as good as any team in the league, to me. With Yao and T-Mac healthy? Who can stop them? They might be my dark horse favorite to shock the world this year. This first round match will be a key litmus test. Utah is an excellent team, but they're slowing down. Houston's on fire, and that momentum should carry them through. What I love most about them is their defensive toughness. Forget about Yao and TMac on offense, how about Yao, Battier and Alston on D. If those three can neutralize Mehmet, Boozy and Deron Williams, Utah's gonna need miracles from AK. The key will be whether or not Mehmet can put up a fight against Yao. That said, he should also give Yao fits on the opposite end, peeling out to the Perimeter to jack up 3s. This one is gonna be a great series. If Houston wins decisively (4 or 5 games) I could see them going all the way. If they go 7 with Utah they'll be cooked for the second round when they have to play Dallas.

Progs: Houston takes it 4-2. Yao's gonna average 30 pts, 15 rebs, 3 blocks and the sexiest %s you've ever seen. Just see if he doesn't. In the end, I think Houston's gonna defend their home floor and ruin Sloan's year.

Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls

Miami is in trouble. They're as dangerous as anyone in the playoffs, but if Wade isn't back to 100% they're effed. In my opinion, right now, the Bulls are the best team in the East. They're gonna miss out on the Finals, because after beating Miami and Detroit, they'll be too spent to go 7 with Cleveland. But man are they good. Watching the Bulls play basketball right now is a pleasure. I even like them more than watching the Suns. They're not nearly as fast, but they're so fundamentally sound, they play exceptional defense, and every one of the first 8 or 9 guys in their rotation are brilliant decision makers. Even Tyrus Thomas is showing a knack for being in the right place at the right time. They rotate well, they're just smart basketball players... I can't say enough about them. But as per always you can't discount Wade and Shaqalacka together. There's truly no answer for those 2 guys when they're at 100%. Home court may decide this, and the Bulls have been lethal at home (31-10) this year. I like the Bulls too much, and I'm just not convinced Wade will be able to explode like he should.

Progs: Chicago takes it 4-2. If Wade is truly 100%, give the Heat an extra win, but the Bulls still prevail.

So that's it for the first round. Saturday has 4 games on TV, so buckle up chumps. The real season is about to start...

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Year End Awards: Short Form

I'll do a more exhaustive version of this at the end of the playoffs, but for now let's see who's who in the NBA. Adrian Wojnarowski put this into a nice format today, so I'll do mine the same way.

Most Valuable Player
Steve Nash
Woj makes an interesting point when assessing Nash's career best season by saying Amare's return buoyed Steve's numbers. Well, I agree Amare's return made the Suns better. But Nash is shooting a career best FG% and 3PT% and I'm not sure how much that really has to do with Stoudy. Sure you can argue that Amare's tenacious play in the paint has freed up Nash to trigger 3s at will, but I think Nash's offensive output has more to do with the fact that while he's been long recognized as the best dimesman in the league, in reality he should also be recognized as the flat out best pure shooter in the game. As far as form and function go, Kevin Martin is the only guy in the league who sports a competitively frightening shooting ability. On top of the fact that Nash has put in a career best 11.6 assists and has noticeably improved his defense, I'm loathe to award him the honor for the last 2 years and not this, his best, year.
As for Dirk, he's obviously one of the beastliest dudes in the league, and is the best player on the best team. But saying that Amare's return takes from Nash's accomplishment, and not saying that Josh Howard's emergence does the same for Dirk is unfair. I would argue that Howard becoming a legit superstar and offensive threat has made life far easier for Nowitzki. It's definitely neck and neck, but I'm leaning toward Nash... again.
The rest of the guys in the discussion: LeBron is getting unfairly cut out. His "sub par" first half was still pretty stellar. His team has about as good a chance as any to win the East, and his post All Star Break performance has been arguably the best in the league. For his name to not even be discussed is criminal. Same goes for Tim Duncan. In fact, I think John Hollinger made an exceptional case for Tim Duncan as MVP... but not quite. Bringing up the rear would be Dwayne Wade. His team has been unimpressive, and he missed 2 months, but nobody's more valuable to their team than Dweeani (that's a phonetic spelling of how one would pronounce his name, not knowing that's it's the same as Dwayne).
An honorable mention goes out to Chris Bosh who had a stellar year and is clearly as important to his team as anybody. A dishonorable mention goes to Kobe, who is undeniably one of the greatest ever. However his team is so god awful (I'm more and more convinced it's his fault too) that I can't even abide by his name being thrown into discussion. If you honestly believe his name belongs in this debate, then you should really be considering, Jason Kidd, Vince Carter, 'Melo, Elton Brand, Gilbert Arenas and Baron Davis, all of whom have comparable, if not better, numbers and play for mediocre to lousy teams that are more frightening to me than the Lakers.

The Ballot: Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki, Tim Duncan, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade
Honorable Mention: Chris Bosh
Dishonorable Mention: Kobe Bryant


Rookie of the Year
Brandon Roy
This may be the least interesting R.O.Y. race in history. Roy's been very good, Bargnani's been good too, then there's a long list of intriguing guys who didn't get as much of a chance to show their stuff. Based on sheer numbers, you have to give it to Roy. But the more interesting discussion is upsides. It looks like Brandon Roy's showed us pretty much what he can do. His numbers should improve from experience next season, but I'd be shocked if they took the type of steep uphill climb that DWade's took in his second year. On the other hand, Bargnani looks like he just gave us a taste of what's to come. I could definitely see Bargnani developing into somewhat of Dirk Lite over the next few seasons.
Tyrus Thomas, LaMarcus Aldridge, Jorge Garbajosa, Rudy Gay and Rajon Rondo have extremely intriguing futures. By the time the All Star break rolled around, it had become exceedingly clear that neither the Grizzlies nor the Celtics had anything to play for except Oden and Durant. So they both started giving their rookies chances to shine. And shine they did. Gay's turning into a frightening multi position offensive/defensive beast. I wouldn't be shocked to see him put up Shawn Marionesque numbers within the next few years. Same goes for the tenacious and scrappy Rajon Rondo, substituting JKidd's name for Marion's in the comparison. Thomas is clearly the defensive monster of the future, and if he can develop any semblance of a mid range shot, he could become a terrifying low post presence. Aldridge's game shows more equilibrium, less room for improvement, but still a promising future.
Honorable mentions go to Craig Smith and Paul Millsap, who show mad heart and hustle, which you gotta love. Dishonorable mention goes to the guy I picked as a lock to be a huge disappointment: Adam Morrison. What can I say about Morrison that I haven't already screamed about college basketball? He sucks, it sucks, end of story.

The Ballot: Brandon Roy, Andrea Bargnani, Rudy Gay, Rajon Rondo, Tyrus Thomas.
Honorable Mentions: Lamarcus Aldridge, Jorge Garbajosa, Craig Smith, Paul Millsap, Randy Foye, Tarrence Kinsey
Dishonorable Mention: Adam Morrison

Defensive Player of the Year

Tim Duncan
Dude, are you kidding me? Without Timmy's rock solid D, the Spurs would be nowhere. He can do it all, and when everybody's been warning of decline, he just keeps up the same old same old. The Spurs are still my favorite to win it all, and he's the reason why. Nobody more terrifying in the playoffs, plus, the icing on the cake of any case for Duncan as D.P.Y. is the fact that he has the hardest to defend position on the planet; PF/C in the West. He could probably convince me he deserves this award if he was covering 3rd string point guards, but he's not. On a nightly basis he's covering Kevin Garnett, Elton Brand, Dirk, Yao, Pau, Boozer/Okur, Amare, Nene, Randolph and that's not even bringing the East into the discussion, which adds Bosh, Shaq, Jefferson, Howard, Sheed, Jamison and Jermaine O'Neal. Bottom line, he does it against the best, and nobody does it better. This is a tough category to quantify, so I won't even bother ranking the rest, I'll just list the defensive stalwarts who deserve recognition.

The Ballot: Tim Duncan, Shawn Marion, Bruce Bowen, Shane Battier, Marcus Camby
Honorable Mentions: Ben Wallace, Raja Bell, Kevin Garnett, Tayshaun Prince, Emeka Okafor, Josh Howard, Gerald Wallace, Josh Smith
Dishonorable Mentions: Eddy Curry, Zach Randolph, Chris Webber


Most Improved Player

Al Jefferson
I know the popular choice here is Kevin Martin. And I'm not even suggesting that Martin isn't the better player. I like Martin a lot. In fact he's pretty much the best shooter in the league next to Steve Nash. But the thing is; I knew that last year. The only reason KMart didn't do the exact same thing last year, is that the offense was still running through Mike Bibby and Ron Artest primarily. Then the next two guys were Brad Miller and Bonzi Wells. Look at Martin's numbers from last year. They were almost exactly where they are this year in %s, and they reflected that he played about 10 minutes less per game. Which he did. I'm not saying Martin isn't awesome, he's just a guy who didn't get as many minutes, and when he did, his numbers inflated in a perfectly proportional way.
Jefferson's numbers more than doubled on less than double the minutes. He claimed the paint like a beast. He rebounds among the best in the league, he blocks shots, he shoots a high percentage. He's flat out turned into a monster big man. Things just seemed to click for him, and I gotta give him the award over the other guys 'cause I thought he was an official bust, and he flipped overnight. Monta Ellis showed a drastic increase in FG% and FT%, and that is why his minutes are drastically up, and though he's not playing quite twice as much, his numbers are doubled everywhere (unfortunately including turnovers, but that'll happen with a guy who drives to the hoop this viciously). I love Monta's energy, he's on the perfect team to get to showcase his skill set. He drives like Kevin Johnson used to, only even more controlled.
Biedrins has to be in the discussion, he's clearly got a huge future in this league. He might become one of the elite big men... but I doubt it. He's weak, and I don't buy his "tough face." I'd also nominate Sasha Pavlovic, who looks like a newer, sleeker, meaner version of himself. He's cutting to the hoop like a maniac, and almost providing LeBron the true running mate Larry Hughes was supposed to be.
Wojnorowski put Tyson Chandler on the ballot, which I can't agree with, 'cause I knew he could rebound and block shots like a beast. And he changed to a team with no other legit centers, so he got ample more space to showcase his beastliness. If you put him in, you have to put Josh Smith, but we all knew he could do what he's done too. I like this category for the guys you couldn't predict. Honorable mentions go to the 3 headed 6th man on the Golden State Warriors. Barnes and Azibuike were waiver fodder, and Pietrus in a rut, but Nelson let them break loose. Whichever one is in the game can take over. Also Eddy Curry, who is massively better, but still makes me want to vomit with his 900 TOs per game, lack of steals or blocks (or defense of any kind) and pitiful FT%. And to think, it may end up that the Knicks traded Durant/Oden for him.
Dishonorable mention to Larry Hughes who I wish I could say was a candidate here, but he continues to disappoint. Chump.

The Ballot: Al Jefferson, Monta Ellis, Kevin Martin, Andris Biedrins, Sasha Pavlovic
Honorable Mention: Eddy Curry, Mickael Pietrus, Matt Barnes, Kelenna Azabuike
Dishonorable Mention: Larry Hughes

6th Man of the Year

Leandro Barbosa

This one is a no brainer. Manu is not really a 6th man, and the difference between Barbosa and the next best candidate, Stackhouse, is not even close. This would only be a competitive category if Ben Gordon was still coming off the bench like he did in the first half of the season. Barbosa puts up (stellar) starter numbers in bench minutes. He's a blur, he can shoot from anywhere, and he's pretty much the heir to the throne in Phoenix.

The Ballot: Leandro Barbosa, Manu Ginobli, Jerry Stackhouse, Andres Nocioni, Sasha Pavlovic
Honorable Mention: Monta Ellis/Andris Biedrins/Mickael Pietrus/Matt Barnes/Kelenna Azibuike (whoever doesn't start and comes off the bench 1st).
Dishonorable Mention: LeBron James (that dude starts too damn well, he's the worst 6th man ever)



A Picture Says a Thousand- Oh God My Eyes!



"Why yes Ms. Coulter, I think your vision for a more conservative United States is... is... what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yes. DY-NO-MITE!!" As mayor of TV Land, I declare this to be the greatest birthday party for Jimmy Walker ever!
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"Oh Brad, it's just you, I thought someone was robbing the bank..."
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"Officer, how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not drunk... I'm just very, very high on the marijuana..."
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Sweet! Looks like Suns have finally found a way to stop Tim Duncan in the paint.


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"Okay Jared. You grab Carmelo by the neck, then I reach around you here, like so. Then I give your nips a bit of a tweak. Nate, why don't you take off your shirt. See isn't that more comfortable? Can I get anyone a Fresca? A 'lude? Anything?" Just another one of Eduardo Najera's sexy parties...

Wednesday Chumpliness

The Grizzlies are expected to talk to former Denver Nuggets general manager Kiki Vandeweghe, among other candidates, about taking over the front office. Memphis Commercial Appeal

I have two words for Memphis fans who think Vandeweghe will return them to grace: Kenyon Martin.
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Regardless of whether he retains his job as coach of the Sonics or if owner Clay Bennett decides to replace him, Bob Hill's life will go on.
"I'm not going to die," he said after Tuesday's practice. "I've got a wonderful family that loves me to death. I just had my first grandson yesterday. I've got a beautiful home in Texas. So I'm not going to die. If I'm not back, I'll feel bad because it's the first time I haven't been able to have success." Seattle Times


I guess he's not counting his 36-78 record as coach at Fordham, or his three straight 1st round exits as coach of the Pacers.
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"Yeah, we're going to play hard [against the Hornets] and hope for the best, but we're just going to have to shoot for next year. Can we still get into the playoffs? Yeah, we can. Realistically, will we? No." Los Angeles Times

That's Maggette illustrating perfectly what it's like to be a Clippers fan: painful, pathetic, un-ambitious, and scared of the Golden State Warriors.
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Bryant said he hasn't given any thought to his MVP chances. Orange County Register

Fortunately I have. He has none. Kobe is a great player who deserves an MVP award about as much as I do. To even discuss his name in the same sentence as Dirk, Nash, Bronny or DWade is a joke. In fact, as far as the numbers go on paper, and the teams records, I'm not sure how you'd justify Kobe over 'Melo.

"Winning MVP would be nice, but it would mean much, much more if we had one of the top records in the league," Bryant said. "To win it now would be kind of like an empty award to me." Orange County Register

To us all, my friend. To us all.
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Dolan also revealed that Thomas' sexual harassment trial is scheduled for September. New York Post

Wow I had almost forgotten about that particular noose around Zeke's neck. Make that reason 7,943 on the top 25,000 reasons why Isiah Thomas should be fired. Something else just occurred to me: could the Knicks be tanking to go after a high draft pick? I know what you're saying, "But Cap'n, the Bulls get the Knicks 1st round pick this year." Sure, I know that. And you know that. But are you really that confident that Isiah knows it? I'm honestly only like half kidding. I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out Isiah doesn't even realize he's given up maybe the most valuable draft pick since Bronny for Eddy Curry.
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Clyde "The Glide" Drexler may have been voted one of the 50 Greatest Players in NBA History, but he was voted off the stage Tuesday as "Dancing With the Stars" fans eliminated Drexler and partner Elena Grinenko. And after Heather Mills' fall in Monday's competition, she fell to the bottom two in voting. Metromix.com

I guess now he'll only have a career of legendary basketballing, a city full of fans who'd die for him, millions of dollars and his debonair charm and good looks to keep him warm. Poor guy...

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Micheal Ray Richardson

My first instinct is to make fun of his (supposedly) purposefully misspelled name. But then I keep thinking about D-W-Y-A-N-E Wade and I feel like I might be opening a can of worms that might splash guys I actually like. So let's table the discussion on how you spell Michael.
Micheal Ray Richardson, for those who don't remember, had solid career per game averages of 14.8 points, 5.5 rebounds, 7 assists and 2.6 steals. He was the first guy in league history to lead the league in assists and steals, in his second season, with 10.1 dimes and 3.2 steals per game (that stat seems weird to me, wouldn't you think that would've happened earlier?). Then he got bounced from the league for teaching skiing classes on his upper lip, if you know what I mean. You don't? He was a coke head. At any rate, he's finally found a way to make people not immediately associate his name with drugs:

"I've got big-time lawyers," Richardson said. "I've got big-time Jew lawyers."

When told by the reporters that the comment could be offensive to people because it plays to the stereotype that Jews are crafty and shrewd, he responded with:

"Are you kidding me? They are. They've got the best security system in the world. Have you ever been to an airport in Tel Aviv? They're real crafty. Listen, they are hated all over the world, so they've got to be crafty. They got a lot of power in this world, you know what I mean? Which I think is great. I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. If you look in most professional sports, they're run by Jewish people. If you look at a lot of most successful corporations and stuff, more businesses, they're run by Jewish. It's not a knock, but they are some crafty people."



Now they'll call him Micheal Ray the Bigot, instead of Micheal Yay Richardson, or Coke Slope Richardson, or Powder, or even Micheal Ray the Potential Nobel Prize Winner.
As a Jew, let me just say I'm so glad he didn't mean it as a "knock." And let me also say that I am indeed crafty. And I am indeed hated all over the planet. But I'm sure all black people don't want to be associated with Richardson, and so, I imagine, most Jews don't want to be associated with me. How many times do idiots like Richardson and Reggie White need to say absolutely ridiculous things like this before people realize that prefacing a racial stereotype as a compliment does not make people of that race receptive? Stuff like this pisses me off enough to call my handlers at the international Jewish conspiracy (the IJC) and make some heads roll. In fact, starting right now, I'm letting all you pale faces know that me and my chosen peeps will be firing all non Jews from our media outlets, law firms, banks, movie studios and delis. Good luck suing someone, making a movie, watching the news, opening a checking account or scoring a roast beef on rye, chumps. We're about to exhibit our craftiness.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Ralph Nader: Stick to Ruining Elections, Let Bronny Stick to Basketball

I am now gonna post an open letter Ralph Nader sent to the King. He asks LeBron to "pressure" Nike to fix the practices of warehouses all over the world where people work in shitty conditions. Let me preface by saying I think Nader is an ass. A well meaning ass with a vision for a wonderful world. A world I wish I lived in. But he doesn't know how to achieve it, so instead he just kicks as hard as he can until something breaks. The best example of this would be his presidential campaign in 2000. He may be pissed about the war in Iraq, but if he's honest, he knows he bears as much responsibility for it as anyone. Had he not run, it is (not a matter of conjecture, but guaranteed) overwhelmingly likely that the bulk of his votes would have gone to Gore and we would live in a very different place. He denies this self evident truth, and that's fine. I wouldn't want to be blamed for Iraq either, but there it is. Stunts like these are just part of his delusion.

March 21, 2007

LeBron James
Cleveland Cavaliers

Dear Mr. James:

Congratulations on your continued success as one of the NBA’s elite players. Perhaps basketball fans across the world will be able to watch you and the Cavs in the Finals very soon.

As someone who participates in many generous charitable activities, we hope you will be responsive to this appeal.

When last we wrote you in December, 2003 regarding your relationship with Nike and with the workers who produce the Nike products you endorse, you were just one month into your rookie season and six months into your reported 7 year, $90 million contract with Nike. Neither you nor your agent replied to our letter.

Since that time, Nike has admitted, through self-monitoring, that its contracted factories are places where extraordinarily low wages, physical and sexual abuse, restrictions of bathroom use and other human rights abuses take place. Finally acknowledging problems that worker’s rights advocates have been exposing for well over a decade is a responsible step for Nike, as is its important disclosure of factory locations. But this acknowledgment and disclosure does not mean the problems are being addressed.

As we expressed in our previous letter, Nike products are synonymous with sweatshops in developing nations, and the company still chooses to maximize profits on the backs of workers who live in poverty and whose human rights are unprotected. We ask that you support justice for these people.

Mr. James, pro athletes are not unlike most people in this country who tend not to believe that they have the power to influence change. Some, however, know they have the power but are afraid that speaking out publicly could disrupt their positions personally, professionally, commercially, or in the media.

But there are others. For example, athletes like Etan Thomas, Steve Nash, Carlos Delgado, Martina Navratilova, Adonal Foyle, Adalius Thomas, Josh Howard, Adam Morrison and others have all raised their voices against the war and occupation of Iraq.

Stephon Marbury has spoken out in a different way. Through direct action, Marbury has launched his own basketball sneaker, which retails for about $15. He has challenged the entire basketball sneaker industry, in part, to present inner-city kids with an affordable (yet still stylish and well-made) alternative to the $150 shoes that you and others endorse. That Marbury’s shoes, produced by Steve and Barry’s, are made in China suggests it is likely they are manufactured under sweatshop factory conditions, given that independent trade unions are illegal in China. Hopefully Marbury’s efforts toward positive change will soon lead him to address worker’s rights as well.

Mr. James, as someone who enjoys unsurpassed commercial influence and with it, great negotiating power, you are in a unique position to stand up for the people who make the products you endorse. We urge you to let Nike know that you support the rights of those workers by demanding that:

- Nike insist its contractors pay a living wage, under safe working conditions, that allows workers to meet their basic needs, and that Nike pay contractors enough to do this;

- Nike insist its contractors recognize independent unions and that factory management collectively bargain with these unions in good faith; and

- Nike agree to a program of factory monitoring through international unions and human rights organizations that are credible and completely independent of Nike.

You have a chance to make an impact around the world not just with your basketball playing ability, but for your generosity as a human being in helping to improve working conditions for hundreds of thousands of workers.

We look forward to your response. Should you or your agent require more than a letter to respond, we can arrange for two of the workers from Nike factories overseas to travel to the U.S. and meet with you personally so they can convey their eyewitness accounts. Please let us know by April 16, 2007.

Sincerely,

Ralph Nader
Washington, DC

Shawn McCarthy
League of Fans
Washington, DC



A few things jump out at me:
1) They give Bronny a deadline. They do it in a polite tone, but they straight up give him a deadline. What are they gonna do when he ignores this? Send Code Pink after him? Maybe Nader could arrange for Cindy Sheehan to brow beat James into submission.
2) These strike me as the kind of fantasy delusions people without money have about people with money. They think LeBron, being a multi-multi-millionaire, would be happy to pass on more millions at their behest. I used to write letters to Bill Gates all the time asking if I could borrow like 100 grand, which proportionally would be like someone asking me to borrow a penny. You may not be shocked to find that Gates never sent me any checks. I hope Nader isn't shocked when Bronny doesn't either.
3) They ask LeBron to use his "unsurpassed influence," and "great negotiating power," to sway Nike to change the world. I think they're underestimating Nike's business savvy. First off, LeBron is in his contract, and won't be re-negotiating for a few years, so I'm not sure what kind of leverage they think he has. Second, Nike has sunk 90Million into just signing Bron, that doesn't count the additional millions they'll spend in marketing/advertising campaigns with him. That means before they even get to production costs and paying the cut that goes to the re-sellers, their profit margin is not looking that big. See where I'm going with this? By the time LeBron is asking them shell out (considerably) more money without taking it out of his paycheck, it starts to become more reasonable for Nike to tell the King to go take a powder. Let me put it this way, LeBron, Kobe, Amare, MJ, Nash, Pierce, Paul, Parker and others all have lucrative deals, and that's just the basketball end of things. As monstrously huge as LeBron is worldwide, if they have to choose between him and profitability, I have a feeling they'll choose profits.
4) Not to belabor the point, but what Nader is exhibiting here is a dearth of business sense. He applauds Marbury's magical $15 "well made" shoe for the streets. And then criticizes the use of Chinese sweat shops. Am I the only to whom it's occurring that a $15 well made shoe is pretty much an impossibility without sweatshops? If they pay people a decent wage to make the shoes, do they not understand that the ballooning in price is not going to be eaten by the manufacturer? It will be taken on by the consumer. You have Starbury's shoes made in LA by minimum wage employees, and that shoe is gonna cost $75. Which is fine, but knock off the wide eyed wonder of a 6 year old. Why can't they just make the shoe and not make a profit? Why can't the government not go to war for oil? Why can't it rain doughnuts instead of polluted water?


Essentially my point is this: Nader's goals are not just admirable, they're laudable and beautiful. I wish the world could work that way. But we don't live in that world. We live in a world that cannot sustain the population it already has, let alone the massive exponential growth of that population. Does he think if he stops sweatshop labor that those employees are suddenly gonna get 401Ks and benefits? While the sweatshop may be hellish, it's better than starving to death because you have no job. This isn't an argument in favor of sweatshops, it's an argument in favor of realism. Until we've found a viable alternative to this economic model, we cannot just kill the model. If Nike has to pay a decent wage, which American workers don't even get, to workers in Malaysia, why the hell have it made in Malaysia? The reality is their options are sweatshop jobs, or no jobs. It's the same as people who are scared of global warming wanting to tax the shit out car makers, as if those car makers aren't going to pass along the losses by laying off workers. Those workers may want their grandchildren's grandchildren to have a beautiful earth to live on 150 years from now, but they also want their own children to have something to eat tonight. Bottom line is either LeBron and Nike both just give away millions (maybe billions) or nothing. There is no middle ground and acting like LeBron need not make a huge sacrifice, only apply pressure, is disingenuous, at best. At worst Nader is pulling a PR stunt to corner LeBron and somehow embarrass Nike into changing. It won't work, and Nike would rather have rotten tomatoes hurled at them from Nader 'til the sky falls than piss away billions. It sucks, it's sad, it's unfortunate, it's called planet Earth. Welcome.

Thanks to TrueHoop for the heads up.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Hunter Hunted

Henry Abbott at TrueHoop seems to think Lindsay Hunter came off well in his press conference on his drug bust. I would agree, with the exceptions of parts like this(from Detroit News, via HoopsHype):

"I know how I am, my wife knows, people who know me, know me. You can't control how people judge you. It's the league rule, and I have to abide by it. I hope people are not thinking I'm walking around now smoking marijuana."


Yeah, because your average Joe probably thinks weed is a lot worse than Amphetamines. In fact, maybe you should stick to blazing with 'Sheed rather than trying to crank on your wife's 'scrip.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Me Likey TrueHoop + Great Jordan Story

TrueHoop really rules the ass off any other blogs, and the reason is Henry Abbott is so damn respected and connected, he constantly gets great stuff before anyone else. So I will now use his advantages to my advantage. Peep this (from an email Abbott got from Andrew Lawrence of SI):

It starts with Jordan shooting around at practice at old Chicago Stadium when he looks up and notices the m&m race on the jumbotron. Curious, he asks one of the Bulls' staffers what's up and learns what he is seeing is actually a dry run-through of the night's in-game entertainment, in which the jumbotron and m&m race factor prominently. (I'm pretty sure this was before shooting t-shirts out of an air cannon captivated a nation.) Naturally, MJ wanted to know if the winner of the race was predetermined. Of course the 8-bit graphics betrayed the answer: a resounding "yes".

So later that night, Phil calls a time out and Jordan & co. repair to the bench. As he's sitting down, he looks up at the jumbotron to see the m&m race about to start. So he nudges Scottie.

MJ: "Bet you 5 grand yellow takes this."

Pip: "Bet."

I'm told this went on for years before Scottie ever got wise...

Wow, Jordan's a real jerk. I believe that's what Bloggers might refer to as pwnage.

Gilbert Arenas: Still a Douchebag

You just have to read this, from an upcoming Chuck Klosterman article appearing in this Sunday's New York Times (by way of TrueHoop):

‘‘Sometimes you have to create your own legacy, and that is what I have done. There is no quirkiness about me. I just lash out at things, but it’s lighthearted. The freak part of me is not that I’m going to take 60 pills to get attention. I’m not that kind of freak. I just like to watch the Gummi Bears on TV. I’m not Ron Artest. I’m a character. The things I do, the things I say — these are things I sit in my house and think about. I know what I’m doing.’’

That's Agent Zero talking about himself. His concept of a "legacy" is apparently making everybody believe he's a Dungeons and Dragons playing social misfit. I used to hang out with a lot of D and D playing social misfits and none of them ever came off sounding this lame. Klosterman, Henry Abbot and others read more into this than is necessary, and even defend him as "normal." And I would agree; he is normal, because most highly paid athletes are probably douchebags. But I'm starting to think this guy's delusional fantasies are getting out of control. And wait a second, did he say he likes to watch Gummi Bears? That's either a reference to the old cartoon (which was great) or is it just possible he lines up the candy on his dresser and then picks their sweet gummi brains for ideas...