Telfair Upddate (with an extra "d" for a double dose of this pimpin'...)

Gazaaah! Telfair's done. But the controversy might be just beginning... Check this from the Boston Globe.

"I wanted to let you know that we have removed Sebastian's nameplate from his locker in Waltham," wrote Grousbeck. "The facts and circumstances of his case have not been determined but he does not have a Celtics locker and we do not anticipate that he will." Boston Globe

Well that was a weird way to say you're done with the guy. Focus in on the important stuff... his locker. I bet his lawyer will be so utterly owned, he'll have no choice but to sheepishly skulk away...

"I just think that what [the Celtics] did was with the season over they saw a chance to take a public relations shot and they did," said Hayes. "He doesn't do drugs. He doesn't smoke. He takes good care of his family. He's never been involved in any of those deals with beating girlfriends or causing trouble in nightclubs. He is not a guy who embarrasses you. He's a nice young guy. He's had a tough year.
"Why do that [make a public statement about removing the nameplate]? Why not say, 'Give it a little time. We'll see what happened.' They should show more restraint after they told him not to cooperate with police against a group of hoodlums [in the Fabolous case] who have been terrorizing athletes and celebrities across the country." Boston Globe



Woah, did we just veer off into the tangential world of cross country gangsta-chic terroristas? Or is Hayes just referring to the paparazzi, who must incessantly hound Telfair on the red carpet with his A-List friends like Laura Dern and Sam Elliot?

What the hell is going on? Telfair isn't what you might describe as "good" at basketball, but he's also not horrible. He could be a contributor for a team. Frankly, I can't imagine how a dude gets cut for being arrested with a gun, cooperating fully with police in a completely non-violent incident. Meanwhile Stephen Jackson literally fires his gun in public, and doesn't even get suspended.
Am I reading the article correctly? Does it say Telfair could get a minimum of 3 years in jail? Yikes. With his small muscular build and soft angelic features, he'll be the Belle of the ball, if you know what I mean. It also doesn't bode well for him that he's "beefing" with Fabolous, who may or may not have "peeps" who are "on lock" for being "straight up thugs, son." I'm quoting from my standard issue David Stern's Guide to Understanding Hip Hop Culture (the DSGUHHC).

Micheal Ray Richardson

My first instinct is to make fun of his (supposedly) purposefully misspelled name. But then I keep thinking about D-W-Y-A-N-E Wade and I feel like I might be opening a can of worms that might splash guys I actually like. So let's table the discussion on how you spell Michael.
Micheal Ray Richardson, for those who don't remember, had solid career per game averages of 14.8 points, 5.5 rebounds, 7 assists and 2.6 steals. He was the first guy in league history to lead the league in assists and steals, in his second season, with 10.1 dimes and 3.2 steals per game (that stat seems weird to me, wouldn't you think that would've happened earlier?). Then he got bounced from the league for teaching skiing classes on his upper lip, if you know what I mean. You don't? He was a coke head. At any rate, he's finally found a way to make people not immediately associate his name with drugs:

"I've got big-time lawyers," Richardson said. "I've got big-time Jew lawyers."

When told by the reporters that the comment could be offensive to people because it plays to the stereotype that Jews are crafty and shrewd, he responded with:

"Are you kidding me? They are. They've got the best security system in the world. Have you ever been to an airport in Tel Aviv? They're real crafty. Listen, they are hated all over the world, so they've got to be crafty. They got a lot of power in this world, you know what I mean? Which I think is great. I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. If you look in most professional sports, they're run by Jewish people. If you look at a lot of most successful corporations and stuff, more businesses, they're run by Jewish. It's not a knock, but they are some crafty people."

Now they'll call him Micheal Ray the Bigot, instead of Micheal Yay Richardson, or Coke Slope Richardson, or Powder, or even Micheal Ray the Potential Nobel Prize Winner.
As a Jew, let me just say I'm so glad he didn't mean it as a "knock." And let me also say that I am indeed crafty. And I am indeed hated all over the planet. But I'm sure all black people don't want to be associated with Richardson, and so, I imagine, most Jews don't want to be associated with me. How many times do idiots like Richardson and Reggie White need to say absolutely ridiculous things like this before people realize that prefacing a racial stereotype as a compliment does not make people of that race receptive? Stuff like this pisses me off enough to call my handlers at the international Jewish conspiracy (the IJC) and make some heads roll. In fact, starting right now, I'm letting all you pale faces know that me and my chosen peeps will be firing all non Jews from our media outlets, law firms, banks, movie studios and delis. Good luck suing someone, making a movie, watching the news, opening a checking account or scoring a roast beef on rye, chumps. We're about to exhibit our craftiness.

Right Now: The PussyCat Dolls Must Be Destroyed

Watching basketball on Sunday has become painful (when it's not on TNT or FSN). It must be made clear now and forevermore: if basketball has a "soundtrack," those songs should mostly be hip hop. The reasons: it is clearly the music of choice of most of the league, it is the most popular music form on the planet, it actually fits the game, which is a constant changing of beats as the ball bounces. The game basically is a hip hop song. The opening tip is the intro, ala "Big L rest in peace..." at the start of Full Clip by Gang Starr. You'll often hear that in a hip hop song, not so often in rock, country, or (ugh) swingy-broadwayish-musical theatre type crap. Then there is that brief pause as the guy recovers that opening tip and the beat starts with the dribble. Then a player makes a drive, or a series of passes and shots take place which is like the rhyme. Try watching the Suns with the volume off on the TV and some hip hop, doesn't matter what kind, on in the background. Ever wonder why all the best Youtube highlight reels are to hip hop? The ones to Metal or Alternative just sound ridiculous. If you can't see that, you're blind.
Now I understand the league's push to court whitey as viewers, and I have no problem with it. The league needs to make money, and I want them too, so they don't stop televising games everywhere. If it becomes unprofitable, it'll be like Hockey, harder to see. So if you want to get back those 40-65 year old white guys that used to be your bread and butter, at least make the music a rock song. When I turn on NBA Sunday on ABC and hear the Pussycat Dolls do this unbearably obnoxious Broadway number "Right Now," with the lyrics modified for basketball. It makes me want to gouge out my eyes. It would be an unstoppably annoying song on its own, but making it the theme song of basketball is criminal. If David Stern and ABC want some sort of a happy medium, they should try "Walk This Way." Run D and Aerosmith. If that's not the frickin' Oslo accords of marketing strategies, I don't know what is. Either that or "Bring the Noise" by Public Enemy and Anthrax...

Mark Cuban: Badass or just ass?

"I couldn’t deal with the NBA," Cuban said. "There was things that I couldn’t imagine happening in the Finals that happened in the Finals. You don’t even know a tenth of it – stuff I didn’t get fined for and that was just too outrageous for me to even say publicly. And so I was like, ‘I’m done.'"

I'd like to coin the phrase "Cubanized" and use it describe situations where your boss thinks you and he/she have an unspoken understanding, and then you just air the dirty laundry in front of the customers. For instance; your boss lets you get away with spending half your day cruising the Internet, thinking to himself that you will then not dare point out his subscription to www.fatasshoeswithtoysandjello.com, in return. You proceed to announce at the front desk, that your boss has a fascination with hoes, who have large butts and own toys covered in Jello. Your customers book for the exit with no delay, and your boss looks at you like, "WTF dude? I thought we were homeys." That is essentially what Cuban has done to Stern here. And Stern, not being able to fire Cuban, has 2 choices: 1)fine him a shit ton of loot, or 2)let it slide, but remember it for the next time Cuban needs a favor. Fining him means nothing, because he has more money than Cresus, and doing that just draws more attention to what amounts to the equivalent of 9/11 "truthers" spouting whatever ridonkulous thing pops into their imagination. So I'd have to imagine Sterny's gonna let this one slide. As for the question of the day? I'm starting to think Cuban is pretty badass...

Bobby Knight Sounds Off

I can't believe I'm actually about to agree with something Knight is saying. Generally I don't care much for this loudmouth jackass, but what can I tell you, he's got a great point here. Read this Knight quote, from ESPN:

"...now you can have a kid come to school for a year and play basketball and he doesn't even have to go to class. He certainly doesn't have to go to class the second semester. I'm not exactly positive about the first semester. But he would not have to attend a single class the second semester to play through the whole second semester of basketball."

Wow, good call. I never thought about it like that, but this new rule really does shit all over the NCAA's eligibility standards. What's more if a player does this, intending to jump right to the NBA draft, and then suffers some sort of setback (injury, personal, drugs, etc.) and is forced out of the draft, they've probably blown their scholarship, eligibility, or both in the process. Essentially screwing their whole career right from the start. The thing is Stern intended for this to send more players to the D-League, making it a hot-ticket item like Minor league baseball. So he wasn't really thinking of the adverse affects on NCAA standards. I think that's the only real answer; if you're gonna go straight from high school, do a year in the Development League instead of a year at college. It's arguable which would better prepare you for the NBA. The proportion of players who'll make it, at some point, to the NBA is probably about the same. But in college you'd probably run a higher probability of actually facing a future NBA star. Either way I'm shocked Knight is back in the news for giving us something interesting to ponder, rather than for throwing a chair at a toddler.