Jews Love Colangelo?

Maybe... Check this nauseating little bit from the Toronto Star about how Bryan Colangelo got Anthony Parker from Maccabi Tel Aviv:

Colangelo offered $1 million and then $1.5 million to try to get Parker out. He thought that would be enough: Under the terms of the NBA's collective bargaining agreement, the most a team can pay to buy out a player is $500,000.
The rest of the money comes from the departing player.
In the end, as both a symbolic and significant buyout the Raptors offered $1.8 million to free Parker to sign in Toronto.
The 1.8 number comes from the Hebrew number 18, the number Parker now wears on his Toronto uniform: The Jewish symbol signifying life.
"I think they appreciated the figure," Colangelo said. "I've had others tell me that." Toronto Star

As a Jew who loves Israel, let me just say, this was the kind of gesture that Maccabi Tel Aviv smiled and shook hands over, then rolled their eyes as they turned away.

Yes it's true that 18 is the numerical equivalent of the Hebrew letters "chet" (pronounced like coughing up a hairball) and "yood". The two letters together spell "chai" (also pronounced like coughing up a hairball). As anyone who's ever seen Fiddler on the Roof can tell you, "chai" means "life."

And since the executives at Maccabi Tel Aviv are essentially Ewoks, this clever little play mystified the Israeli suits into letting Anthony "Peak After 30" Parker go for under market value. Colangelo pulled a C3PO on them, and convinced them he was a deity, come to reclaim Parker.

That's apparently the way Colangelo sees it. And, coincidentally, in a recent interview when asked about the future of the Raptors, he cryptically only answered, "If I were a rich man, yi da di da di da di..."

Look, the execs for Maccabi Tel Aviv, former EuroLeague champs, aren't bushmen, and they're not gonna trade the franchise for beads. They knew they were pretty much gonna lose Parker either way, so they wanted as much money as possible to court replacements. It's really that simple. I'd be willing to bet that they didn't even make the connection between the 1.8 and "life."

Colangelo didn't bottle the wind for them, or reconnect them with their ancestral spirits. He paid them. Believe it or not, in foreign lands basketball is still a business.

Which is not to say that Bryan Colangelo isn't welcome in the Swag HQ for Passover, we'd love to have him. Just save the cultural communing and clever trickery for the Euro League team from Endor.

We ain't buying.

Good to Be a Cavs/Warriors Fan

For Cleveland transplants to the Bay Area, such as myself, there hasn't been a playoff this exciting in a looooooong time. In fact, the Cavs and Warriors haven't won playoff games in the same year since the 1991-92 season. So for 415/216 hybrids like myself, yesterday was a foreign emotion. I couldn't believe my eyes; both the Cavs and Warriors won, and pretty handily at that. Neither team looks like a title contender, but they both look interesting, and they both have a good time in store.
The Warriors barely squeaked into the post season, and being their first time in 12 seasons, they could've gone out 4-0 in thirty point poundings, and you still couldn't wipe the grin off Bay Area faces. We don't care how bad they lose, and neither do they. The result is that they're playing loose, comfortable, scrappy and chaotic. In short; they're playing Nellie Ball. As Dallas fans can attest, it'll never get you to the big show, but it makes for enjoyable and exciting games, lots of three pointers, and just maybe a prayer. With an impressive game 1 steal, the Warriors, once again control their own destiny. All they need to do, however unlikely a feat, is defend Oracle Arena. As long as they can run the board in Oakland, there's a growing possibility we'll get to see Mark Cuban have an aneurysm on national TV.
The Cavs certainly didn't look as punishing and controlling as I may have hoped. And the announcers/pundits/bloggers/assholes have been making them pay. Despite winning by the largest margin of any of the opening games, the Cavs have been roundly panned as the least persuasive winner so far. But I honestly don't mind. Charles Barkley insists the Wizards should be heartened that they can win games, possibly the series. I don't know what game he was watching. The Cavs should still sweep the Wizards, and I don't care if they they win the rest of the games by 1 point each. Getting to the next round in as few games as possible is the priority. The Cavs'll do fine. Pacing themselves in the first round against a sorely over matched opponent is no different from pacing themselves in the regular season. When the Cavs see the Pistons/Bulls/Heat in the conference finals, I want them to be as rested and hard to read as possible. Wish granted.

PLAYOFFS: Round 1... Buckle Up!

God damn I'm psyched. After a relatively lackluster regular season, the true season begins this Saturday. A 2 month spectacle of the best in the world doing what they do. And I'm so pumped for the playoffs I'm absolutely about to lose it. Let's take a peek at the match ups:

1-8s

Dallas Mavericks vs. Golden State Warriors

A lot of people are talking a lot of yang about Golden State's chances. Yeah, Nellie built the Mavs, nobody knows 'em better, and yes the Warriors have beaten the Mavs up and down over the last 2 seasons. But let's not get too crazy. This is playoff time in Dallas. I'd be pretty shocked if Dallas doesn't dispense with the pleasantries and smash the Warriors in 4, maybe 5, games. That said, the Warriors can win games when they're shooting well. There's just no way to stop a 5 man line where literally all 5 guys on the court can shoot 3s... if they're on. Golden State needs to catch fire and show some defensive toughness, which is far easier said than done. I just don't see how Golden State expects to defend Dirk. Their best defender is probably JRich, maybe SteJax, and neither one of them is truly big enough to stop the German Destruction Machine. SteJax's deep playoff (and championship) experience will come clutch, 'cause other than a couple years for Baron and maybe 1 or 2 seasons for Harrington, nobody else on this team has ever played any type of postseason basketball.

Progs: Dallas takes it 4-1. Golden State's MVPs will be Richardson and Jackson. Dallas will get Dallas performances out of Dirk, Josh, Jason and Jerry, and put this to bed with relative ease. Still, major kudos to the Warriors for hanging in.

Detroit Pistons vs. Orlando Magic

Murder. That's really the only word to describe what Detroit is going to do to Orlando. I would be very surprised if Orlando steals a game in this series. Here's why: Detroit is so superior to Orlando in every facet of the game, it's just not even amusing. For Orlando to win a game, they'll need Dwight Howard to play absolutely out of his mind, and not turn over the ball on every other play. Then they'll need Jam Nelson to wake up from his year long slumber. They'll need Arroyo and the rest of the bench to kick it up a notch, Grant Hill and Hedo to successfully coexist, and maybe most importantly; they'll need Darko to play like a man possessed. They need Darko to roll up all his anger and aggression toward Detroit, scrunch it up into a wee ball in his belly, and unleash it like a kamehameha all over the Palace. Another key for Orlando will be Trevor Ariza, who has been brilliant in limited action. I'd like to see him come out of his shell in the playoffs. As far as Detroit is concerned, they better win this quick, 'cause they'll see the winner of Chicago-Miami and then (most likely) Cleveland after, and they'll need to be as fresh as possible.

Progs: Detroit takes it 4-0. Expect Chauncey, Rip, Tay-tay and Sheed to show these young'ns what playoff basketball looks like. Expect Chris Webber to fade into irrelevance.

2-7s

Phoenix Suns vs. Los Angeles Lakers

I'm expecting a way less exciting re-match of the 7 game thriller from last year. Think about it, the Lakers are just as underwhelming, and the Suns are the same dominant team they were last year... plus Amare. And make no mistake; Amare will romp in the post season. Who's gonna stop him? Lamar Odom? Ronny Turiaf? Don't even dream of saying Andrew Bynum. It's true, Kwame should be back for the playoffs, and that'll help, but I'm still looking at the Suns to end this pretty fast. Kobe's uberclutchiosity should be worth a game or two, but not enough to make it interesting like last year. With Marion locking down Odom, and Bell doing as good a job on Kobe as can be done, Luke Walton's gonna need something supernatural for the Lakes to have a shot. And Raja Bell's defense is (if possible) even better this time around. I do hate being proven wrong by Kobe though, so I'm gonna extend him more respect than he deserves, to cover my bases.

Progs: Phoenix takes it 4-2, but the 4 wins will be blowouts, and the 2 losses will be overtime squeaks on Kobe heroics.

Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Washington Wizards

There has never been a better time to be a Cavs fan. New Jersey's win over the Bulls on Tuesday has written the Cavs an engraved invitation to the Eastern Conference Finals. All they need to do is crush a Washington team that is a wispy shadow of itself, and then beat the winner of Jersey-Toronto (which should be a cake walk), to earn a date with the tuckered out winner of the Chicago-Miami-Detroit melee. Honestly, there's no reason on earth why the Cavs can't make it to the Finals in less than 15 games. This is it Cleveland fans. For you Wizznutz out there, I wish you guys could be full strength so we could see a rematch of last year's overtime laden battle royale. It's unfortunate, but we'll take 'em like we can get 'em. Wizards have no hope.

Progs: Cavs take it 4-0. Antawn Jamison will come as close as anyone ever to winning the MVP of the finals while going out in the first round. He's gonna play so ferociously they'll tell stories of it for years. I'm talking 45 pts, 15 rebs, 5 assists, 4 threes, 4 steals and a block per night... in an ultimately losing effort.

3-6s

San Antonio Spurs vs. Denver Nuggets

I like this series as one of the best of the first round, but I'm still looking for San Antonio to win pretty decisively. Denver's been one of the best teams in the league in April. 'Melo and AI are meshing well, Camby and Nene are beasting on the block, Steve Blake is playing smart ball and Linas Kleiza is turning into a lights-out bench-weapon supreme. But I've been saying since day one that the Spurs have to be considered the favorite. If it weren't for Manu's last second foul-flub last year in game 7 against Dallas, I think the Spurs would have handily beaten Miami. I think this year justice will be served with a side of Southwestern dipping sauce. If Tony Parker and Manu do what they do and Tim Duncan doesn't get hit by an asteroid, the Spurs oughta lock it up.

Progs: Spurs take it 4-2. But with Nene's tough as nails athleticism and Camby's stout D, don't be surprised if Duncan looks tamer than usual.

Toronto Raptors vs. New Jersey Nets

This'll be another excellent series. Toronto looks like a team possessed, but I can't see them having a very easy time against Kidd, Carter and Jefferson, not to mention Nachbar doing his best impression of Kleiza. This could be a 7 game grind fest. The Nets are gonna find out that they miss Krstic even more than they thought, but Josh Boone and Miki Moore have been playing their asses off. They're gonna need to play the defensive series of their lives to bottle up Boshy. It'll pretty much all come down to Bosh. If he plays like he has all season, than I'd expect he'll also ramp it up for the playoffs. Of all those superstars from the '03 draft, 'Melo is the only one who hasn't shined in the post season. 'Bron, Wade, Hinrich and Howard have all been beasts in the playoffs, and I think Bosh's first trip will be a real test to see if he can truly hang with the elite from that class. I think he'll pass it... big time.

Progs: Toronto takes it 4-3. I'm looking for Kidd to be Kidd and Bosh to be Bosh. If Carter plays as well as he did last year in the playoffs, things could get even more interesting...

4-5s

Utah Jazz vs. Houston Rockets

Both of the 4-5 match ups in the playoffs feature 4 seeds without home court advantage. And I think it's gonna prove to be the difference. Houston looks as good as any team in the league, to me. With Yao and T-Mac healthy? Who can stop them? They might be my dark horse favorite to shock the world this year. This first round match will be a key litmus test. Utah is an excellent team, but they're slowing down. Houston's on fire, and that momentum should carry them through. What I love most about them is their defensive toughness. Forget about Yao and TMac on offense, how about Yao, Battier and Alston on D. If those three can neutralize Mehmet, Boozy and Deron Williams, Utah's gonna need miracles from AK. The key will be whether or not Mehmet can put up a fight against Yao. That said, he should also give Yao fits on the opposite end, peeling out to the Perimeter to jack up 3s. This one is gonna be a great series. If Houston wins decisively (4 or 5 games) I could see them going all the way. If they go 7 with Utah they'll be cooked for the second round when they have to play Dallas.

Progs: Houston takes it 4-2. Yao's gonna average 30 pts, 15 rebs, 3 blocks and the sexiest %s you've ever seen. Just see if he doesn't. In the end, I think Houston's gonna defend their home floor and ruin Sloan's year.

Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls

Miami is in trouble. They're as dangerous as anyone in the playoffs, but if Wade isn't back to 100% they're effed. In my opinion, right now, the Bulls are the best team in the East. They're gonna miss out on the Finals, because after beating Miami and Detroit, they'll be too spent to go 7 with Cleveland. But man are they good. Watching the Bulls play basketball right now is a pleasure. I even like them more than watching the Suns. They're not nearly as fast, but they're so fundamentally sound, they play exceptional defense, and every one of the first 8 or 9 guys in their rotation are brilliant decision makers. Even Tyrus Thomas is showing a knack for being in the right place at the right time. They rotate well, they're just smart basketball players... I can't say enough about them. But as per always you can't discount Wade and Shaqalacka together. There's truly no answer for those 2 guys when they're at 100%. Home court may decide this, and the Bulls have been lethal at home (31-10) this year. I like the Bulls too much, and I'm just not convinced Wade will be able to explode like he should.

Progs: Chicago takes it 4-2. If Wade is truly 100%, give the Heat an extra win, but the Bulls still prevail.

So that's it for the first round. Saturday has 4 games on TV, so buckle up chumps. The real season is about to start...

A Picture Says a Thousand- Oh God My Eyes!

"Why yes Ms. Coulter, I think your vision for a more conservative United States is... is... what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yes. DY-NO-MITE!!" As mayor of TV Land, I declare this to be the greatest birthday party for Jimmy Walker ever!
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"Oh Brad, it's just you, I thought someone was robbing the bank..."
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"Officer, how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not drunk... I'm just very, very high on the marijuana..."
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Sweet! Looks like Suns have finally found a way to stop Tim Duncan in the paint.


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"Okay Jared. You grab Carmelo by the neck, then I reach around you here, like so. Then I give your nips a bit of a tweak. Nate, why don't you take off your shirt. See isn't that more comfortable? Can I get anyone a Fresca? A 'lude? Anything?" Just another one of Eduardo Najera's sexy parties...

Wednesday Chumpliness

The Grizzlies are expected to talk to former Denver Nuggets general manager Kiki Vandeweghe, among other candidates, about taking over the front office. Memphis Commercial Appeal

I have two words for Memphis fans who think Vandeweghe will return them to grace: Kenyon Martin.
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Regardless of whether he retains his job as coach of the Sonics or if owner Clay Bennett decides to replace him, Bob Hill's life will go on.
"I'm not going to die," he said after Tuesday's practice. "I've got a wonderful family that loves me to death. I just had my first grandson yesterday. I've got a beautiful home in Texas. So I'm not going to die. If I'm not back, I'll feel bad because it's the first time I haven't been able to have success." Seattle Times

I guess he's not counting his 36-78 record as coach at Fordham, or his three straight 1st round exits as coach of the Pacers.
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"Yeah, we're going to play hard [against the Hornets] and hope for the best, but we're just going to have to shoot for next year. Can we still get into the playoffs? Yeah, we can. Realistically, will we? No." Los Angeles Times

That's Maggette illustrating perfectly what it's like to be a Clippers fan: painful, pathetic, un-ambitious, and scared of the Golden State Warriors.
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Bryant said he hasn't given any thought to his MVP chances. Orange County Register

Fortunately I have. He has none. Kobe is a great player who deserves an MVP award about as much as I do. To even discuss his name in the same sentence as Dirk, Nash, Bronny or DWade is a joke. In fact, as far as the numbers go on paper, and the teams records, I'm not sure how you'd justify Kobe over 'Melo.

"Winning MVP would be nice, but it would mean much, much more if we had one of the top records in the league," Bryant said. "To win it now would be kind of like an empty award to me." Orange County Register

To us all, my friend. To us all.
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Dolan also revealed that Thomas' sexual harassment trial is scheduled for September. New York Post

Wow I had almost forgotten about that particular noose around Zeke's neck. Make that reason 7,943 on the top 25,000 reasons why Isiah Thomas should be fired. Something else just occurred to me: could the Knicks be tanking to go after a high draft pick? I know what you're saying, "But Cap'n, the Bulls get the Knicks 1st round pick this year." Sure, I know that. And you know that. But are you really that confident that Isiah knows it? I'm honestly only like half kidding. I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out Isiah doesn't even realize he's given up maybe the most valuable draft pick since Bronny for Eddy Curry.
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Clyde "The Glide" Drexler may have been voted one of the 50 Greatest Players in NBA History, but he was voted off the stage Tuesday as "Dancing With the Stars" fans eliminated Drexler and partner Elena Grinenko. And after Heather Mills' fall in Monday's competition, she fell to the bottom two in voting. Metromix.com

I guess now he'll only have a career of legendary basketballing, a city full of fans who'd die for him, millions of dollars and his debonair charm and good looks to keep him warm. Poor guy...

Tuesday Tip Back

When there was talk before Jamal Crawford was hurt that Knicks guard Steve Francis might be bought out, the Cavs were said to be interested. But the word is they'll pursue Cleveland native Earl Boykins after the season. Chicago Tribune

You know I love Boyk. Not only because he's a baller, but because we have a lot in common. I rep 216(Cleveland) for life, just like him. I am a short guy from Cleveland with absurd basketball skills, mad hustle, a mustache that makes women's panties literally disintegrate, and a chip on my shoulder. Just like him. And just like him, Nike had an ad campaign designed around me too. Although instead of a blue poisonous tree frog, they likened me to an aging syphillitic tree squirrel. At any rate, I like Boyk. But I do not want him back in Cleveland. We need a true point. Not another shoot first, 35% FG "marksman" like the Duke of Earl. He rules, and he plays with the heart of a guy 3 times his size. But I don't want him in CLeveland, unless we unload Damon Jones or Larry Hughes, or both.


Got this off of TrueHoop (of course). Dunking over a row of kids may be the coolest thing in the history of cool things. His name is Henry Bekkering, but you can call him Whitey McJumpsalot.

Mike Freeman: Putting the "Slow" in Slow News Day

Monday's been pretty slow on the news front, and I've been pretty busy with my job that pays. I'll give you a hint, it's not blogging about basketball. Anyhoo, this little item from CBS Sportsline caught my eye... and then jabbed a fork in it and twisted. It's by Mike Freeman. Like Jemele Hill, I'm hoping this dunce isn't long for the journalism world...

I'm right. I'm right in thinking that the Florida Gators could probably beat five lower echelon NBA teams on a neutral court.

Ummm, no you're not right. Obviously this is one of those impossible to settle debates, like who's better; Shaq or Wilt? The reason is an NBA team will never play a college team, and even if they did, it would be an exhibition, and you couldn't take the results as meaningful, because the pro players would not risk injury and hustle their asses off. So clearly we need to settle this hypothetically. Unfortunate, because I'd love to see the Memphis Grizzlies dismantle the Florida Gators by something in the ballpark of 100 points. Every time I read some sports writer who has fallen in love with the "heart," and team play of college ball, I dread the inevitable declaration that _________ (insert university of choice) could beat an NBA team. But this guy is pushing the boundaries of journalistic integrity, rational thought, minimal basketball knowledge and at least a hundred other societal norms.

"The best college team of the last 10 years," Cuban told me in an e-mail, "would lose by 50 to any team at the bottom of the NBA."
That Cuban is so shy with his opinions.
Would the Gators really beat an NBA team?
When asked to explain further, Cuban said: "Because every guy on an NBA roster is better than 99 (percent) of guys on college rosters. They are more skilled, play harder and (are) bigger."
These are the teams Florida would definitely whup: Memphis, Boston and Milwaukee. No-brainers. Memphis might be one of the top 10 worst teams in the history of the sport. Boston is not far behind. Milwaukee is just awful.
After those teams, the Gators would give just about any of the lower-ranked Eastern Conference franchises a fight -- including the New York Knicks.
Go ahead and tell me about the gap in ability and athleticism between the NBA and college. Spout the tripe and nonsense about how great the NBA is. The league is not great; it's top heavy. It is the Mavericks, Detroit, Phoenix and San Antonio. Maybe Cleveland because they have LeBron James. Just about the rest of the league these days is middling, average ball at best.

Oh sweet lord! Thank God Cuban didn't hesitate to put this guy in his place. Memphis is bad. No denying it. And they've definitely had an awful season, one of the worst ever. But they were without their best player for half the year, had coaching and front office turmoil all year, and more than likely have been tanking games since the All Star break to jockey for position on Greg Oden. Incidentally, they have given many excellent teams runs for their money along the way. I'd say Corey Brewer and Joakim Noah could make the Grizzlies roster. They more than likely would not get cut or sent down to the D-League. That said, the rest of the Gators roster can't cut it in the NBA. Cuban is absolutely 100% correct when he states plainly that the worst NBA player is one of the top 1% of college players who can even have a professional basketball career of any kind, let alone make it in the NBA. I would expect that Noah's fieriness and screams of passion would be silenced relatively quickly once he's being guarded, and has to guard, a one Pau Gasol. Maybe Noah won't be a bust in the NBA, although I'm very skeptical of his fundamental skill (I get it, he's a team player, a coach's dream, a fiery passionate guy who loves to win... who has a pretty crappy shot, even from up close, and is deceptively small and unimposing for 6"11') but he would get dominated from top to bottom by an unstoppable beast like Pau. NBA players have to play against other NBA players. They don't get to hone their talents against 5"9', 120 pounders. They have to bump with 7"5' 280 pound freaks of nature. That's why only the best and biggest can do it.

These are the teams Florida would definitely whup: Memphis, Boston and Milwaukee. No-brainers.

There's definitely a no brainer involved here; it's Freeman. For him to suggest that Michael Redd, Andrew Bogut, Charlie Villanueva, Mo Williams and Bobby Simmons would lose against any 5 you could glean from the Gator roster, and what's more, to suggest it's obvious? That's criminal negligence in reporting. I would expect that game to end with a score in the neighborhood of 140-65 in favor of the Bucks. In fact, make it interesting; sub in Earl Boykins for Williams, and Ersan Ilyasova for Villanueva, Dan Gadzuric for Bogut, Charlie Bell for Redd and Ruben Patterson for Simmons. I'll take Ilyasova, Bell, Boykins, Gaddy, and Patterson over the Gators by a more respectable 120-75.
And that's not even factoring in the question of which court and rules they'd be playing with. If they play on the NBA court for 48 minutes with a 24 second shot clock, the college lightweights would have to learn to play a game that moves way faster with a 3 point arc that sits several feet father back. You see, in the NBA the arc is 23'9" from the hoop (22' on the baseline) in college it is 19'9". That's right, for those of you keeping track at home, that means the college "men" shoot from 4 feet closer than the NBA. Which means Earl Boykins could lie down head to tow in between the two arcs and that the college guys can't shoot from as far as the ladies of the WNBA. This would kill them. They'd be getting shot clock violations on every other play and since the college game relies entirely on unskilled shooters chucking as many 3s as possible, they'd actually have to play in the paint occasionally. So that farther line is not inconsequential. If it goes the other way and they play on the college court with the 35 second shot clock and the 3 point arc less than 20 feet from the basket, the Bucks would hit no less than 50 three pointers, while eating the clock, and potentially thrashing the Gators even worse.
God damn it! This painfully ignorant article is giving me a damn ulcer. I could write a hundred more pages on this subject, but let me just put it this way, there is a clear and indisputable hierarchy: High School Girls get beaten by College girls who get beaten by High School boys, who get beaten by WNBA women, who get beaten by College boys, who get undeniably dominated in every sense of the word by NBA players (the only lack of clarity comes with EuroLeague, which is slowly starting to prove it can compete on the NBA level). You see the delineation? It's all boys girls, and women until you get to the NBA. There are no men, only players. If a woman could play on the level of NBA players, she would be counted not as a woman, but as a player. And if she was on the Bucks, she would join in the absolute and unabashed extermination of the Florida Gators.

Micheal Ray Richardson

My first instinct is to make fun of his (supposedly) purposefully misspelled name. But then I keep thinking about D-W-Y-A-N-E Wade and I feel like I might be opening a can of worms that might splash guys I actually like. So let's table the discussion on how you spell Michael.
Micheal Ray Richardson, for those who don't remember, had solid career per game averages of 14.8 points, 5.5 rebounds, 7 assists and 2.6 steals. He was the first guy in league history to lead the league in assists and steals, in his second season, with 10.1 dimes and 3.2 steals per game (that stat seems weird to me, wouldn't you think that would've happened earlier?). Then he got bounced from the league for teaching skiing classes on his upper lip, if you know what I mean. You don't? He was a coke head. At any rate, he's finally found a way to make people not immediately associate his name with drugs:

"I've got big-time lawyers," Richardson said. "I've got big-time Jew lawyers."

When told by the reporters that the comment could be offensive to people because it plays to the stereotype that Jews are crafty and shrewd, he responded with:

"Are you kidding me? They are. They've got the best security system in the world. Have you ever been to an airport in Tel Aviv? They're real crafty. Listen, they are hated all over the world, so they've got to be crafty. They got a lot of power in this world, you know what I mean? Which I think is great. I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. If you look in most professional sports, they're run by Jewish people. If you look at a lot of most successful corporations and stuff, more businesses, they're run by Jewish. It's not a knock, but they are some crafty people."

Now they'll call him Micheal Ray the Bigot, instead of Micheal Yay Richardson, or Coke Slope Richardson, or Powder, or even Micheal Ray the Potential Nobel Prize Winner.
As a Jew, let me just say I'm so glad he didn't mean it as a "knock." And let me also say that I am indeed crafty. And I am indeed hated all over the planet. But I'm sure all black people don't want to be associated with Richardson, and so, I imagine, most Jews don't want to be associated with me. How many times do idiots like Richardson and Reggie White need to say absolutely ridiculous things like this before people realize that prefacing a racial stereotype as a compliment does not make people of that race receptive? Stuff like this pisses me off enough to call my handlers at the international Jewish conspiracy (the IJC) and make some heads roll. In fact, starting right now, I'm letting all you pale faces know that me and my chosen peeps will be firing all non Jews from our media outlets, law firms, banks, movie studios and delis. Good luck suing someone, making a movie, watching the news, opening a checking account or scoring a roast beef on rye, chumps. We're about to exhibit our craftiness.

Right Thurrrrsday, Son

At least two NBA coaches believe that Houston is planning to play again. Houston, whose contract expires this summer, retired in October 2005 with chronic knee pain. Until then, he remains the second highest paid player in the league at $20.7 million behind Minnesota's Kevin Garnett ($21 million). New York Daily News

I have 2 questions: 1) Why the hell did New York ever dole out 21 million dollars to a glorified Rip Hamilton? 2) How the hell are they considering buying out Francis, who can actually still play, and not Houston? Is there something I'm missing here? Why is Houston even welcome in the practice facility sucking down 21 million dollars to do nothing. He wasn't even close to worth that when he was active. All that said, I would entertain a veteran's minimum contract for Houston if he wants to drain treys for Cleveland...

More than 10 months after it was introduced, the energy drink named for Bulls guard Ben Gordon, BG7, still isn't in stores, and there is no timetable for its release. ''No marketing plans,'' Gordon said Wednesday when asked for an update. ''It's a tough business, any time you go into the food and drink business. ''I don't pay much attention to it. I let those people handle it. When it comes out, it comes out.'' Chicago Sun-Times

I just know there's an exceptional "Red Bull" joke to be made here, but I just can't think of it. I'm sure Bill Simmons is way ahead of me on this...

Ummmmm... that's a dude. I know it's supposed to be a chick, and "she" is surrounded by other girls wearing uniforms that look like hers. So the automatic assumption is that she is also a girl. You know when you're at a bar and your friend is scoping a really tall muscular chick and his mouth is watering, and just then you spot her Adam's apple, and you say, "Dude, that's a dude." And your friend, goes, "what are you talking about? She's super hot!" and you're like, "Okay John Amaechi, but that's a dude." And he doesn't believe you and he leaves with the guy/girl. And the next time you see him he's all, "I don't want to talk about it!" Has that ever happened to you? Well that's what I feel like watching this video. I get it. It's awesome. A chick who can dunk. Except that's a dude.

Before the game, James took a little shot at Marbury's $14.98 kicks, saying he couldn't imagine endorsing a sneaker that cheap.

"No, I don't think so," James said. "Me being with Nike, we hold our standards high."

Marbury, who is friendly with James, was lacing up his Starburys before the game when informed of LeBron's comment. He thought about it for a moment and said, "I'd rather own than be owned."

And I'd rather own then be Pwned! Holy shit, did Bron drop a not-so-subtle dig on Starbury and have it smashed back in his face? New found respect for Marbury. Guess I'll stop calling him Stephanie.

Jemele Hill: Swagged... Big Time

Wow, what can be said about an article this putrid? Other than just, "wow." Where to begin? When my brother, Ball Hog, called to my attention an article that claims Kobe is not only far and away the best player in the NBA now, but even better than Jordan, I actually got excited. I was expecting a John Hollinger-esque number breakdown with statistics, and coefficients that might tackle the age old problem of comparing the stars of yesteryear with the stars of today. Instead what I got was this. Basically Jemele Hill just says Kobe's better than Jordan, and then backs it up with a bunch of spurious claims about today's players being better than Jordan's colleagues. Not only can she not back up her thesis with any evidence, she can't back up her evidence with any evidence.

"At the very least, Kobe's scoring spree over the last week should put to rest any lingering doubts that he's the best player in the NBA."

Says who? I'll certainly entertain the argument. And a convincing one can certainly be made. But that argument could be made before Kobe started increasing his chucking percentage. The bottom line is Allen Iverson could've routinely put up 50 point nights, but that's not so easy to do when you also average 7+ assists per night. Something else that both Kobe and AI share in common is their low FG% (obviously AI's is lower). I don't know when this stat became so inconsequential to Ms. Hill (and everyone else). Can you point out the season where Kobe averaged 30+ pts to go along with 54%FG? I'll save you the trouble, it never happened. Jordan did it twice. In fact Kobe's never even sniffed 50% from the field, including this year, in which he's shooting a career best 47%FG. I agree it's historic what Kobe did(scoring 50+ four times in a row), but he also did it to 4 teams that, barring any miracles, will not be in the playoffs. I might add that none of the 4 teams had guys like Bruce Bowen or Tayshaun Prince covering him. It may still be difficult, but it's obviously easier, to do that against the defensive likes of Mike Miller, Rasual Butler, Brandon Roy and Ricky Davis.
Calling him better than Jordan is a laugh. I agree they're comparable on defense, and in the clutch. Also that they're comparable in their ability to get to the hoop and their competitive ferocity. But Jordan won championships with Bill Wennington, a 90 year old Bill Cartwright, Luc Longley, but no Shaq. Furthermore, Jordan made Pippen, and to a lesser extent Rodman and Harper. Kobe has turned approximately zero players into all stars, let alone even slightly better players. In fact there's considerable evidence to suggest he makes the players around him worse, as they now spend 48 minutes a night standing around watching him play. But that's not to say Kobe's got nobody. Lamar Odom would be an All Star on any other team, Luke Walton's development into a decent player was obviously slowed by learning nothing from Kobe. Bynum's already a better center than Longley and Wennington combined, and just at the beginning of his rise. Kobe's got no Pippen, but his team is not exactly setting the world on fire, so that shouldn't be evidence either way. Yeah Jordan could be a jerk and probably would have had ego competition with Shaq. So? What the hell does that have to do with anything? No serious basketball pundit bases their ranking of Kobe on his off-court arrogance. The bottom line fact is that Kobe's amazing, but he's just no Jordan.
On to the most disturbing of the myriad unsubstantiated statements in this article:

"Yesterday's NBA player certainly was more fundamentally sound, but there's no question that today's player is bigger, stronger and faster. When Jordan played, he was a singular force that could not be equaled. Jordan was guarded by the likes of John Starks and Joe Dumars, who were fine players but weren't nearly as skilled or physically imposing as LeBron, D-Wade, Tracy McGrady or even Vince Carter. The NBA is tougher now."

My word that was a mouthful. Are you absolutely shitting me? I agree with the first part, the NBA of Jordan's era absolutely was vastly more fundamentally sound. And I agree that by in large the players of today are physically more terrifying. But why take 4 guys with decidedly suspect defensive capabilities and use them as your example? If you're asking me right now who I'd pick to cover Kobe, Joe D or Vince Carter, I would choose Dumars so fast I'd get whiplash. Is that some sort of joke? For that matter I might consider Starks as well. There are a handful of defensive stalwarts in the league now, but back then the superstars played on both sides of the ball. Is Shaq the most dominant physical presence ever? Yeah. But he's still only a hair better than guys like Olajuwon and Robinson. And in terms of D, I wouldn't hesitate to pick the Admiral 1st.

"Phoenix, Dallas and San Antonio are all better than the Utah, Portland and the Charles Barkley-led Phoenix team that Michael met in the NBA Finals."

Ummm, that is not at all obvious enough to me that it shouldn't merit some sort of supporting evidence. But let's say, for the sake of argument, that I grant that premise. Okay. Fine, Dallas San Antonio and Phoenix are better than the old Portland, Phoenix and Utah. Great, well Jordan dominated those teams thoroughly. There was never a moment of doubt that his team would win (except maybe briefly against Phoenix that one year). Kobe's Lakers got beat by Dallas by 36 points last they met. And they either lost (or won by slim margin) in their meetings this year with Phoenix and San Antone. And is there even a single reasonable sports writer on the planet who thinks the Lakers (with the 6, 7, or 8 seed) stand even a small chance of getting out of the first round of the playoffs this year? The sad truth is this Lakers team is not only completely outclassed by the big 3, but also by Utah and Houston. But that was me granting the premise. And in reality I don't grant it. I think this Suns team is very special, but I'm not that confident they would run all over the 92-93 Suns, which featured Barkley, KJ, Majerle, Ceballos, Danny Ainge and Tom Chambers, amongst others. I'm certain that today's Dallas is better than those Portland teams, although the 91-92 squad that got thrashed by the Jordan featured Drexler, Terry Porter, Jerome Kersey, Ainge, Duckworth, Cliff Robinson and Buck Williams. In short they were no slouches. But maybe Hill's boldest statement is throwing those unreal Utah teams in the mix as clearly inferior. The 97-98 Jazz that got steamrolled by Jordan in the Finals beat the Kobe/Shaq Lakers 4-0 in the conference finals. Good call, that team must've really sucked compared to today's "bigger, stronger and faster" players.
How to sum this up other than calling it what it is? She's jumping on Kobe's bandwagon. And don't get me wrong; Kobe is one of the greatest players to ever lace 'em up. I'd throw his name in with Malone, Drexler, Dr. J, Wilkins, Barkley, Maravich, Havlicek, etc. He's definitely one of the 50 greatest ever. But there's a separate rung that's occupied by a very select few; Jordan, Bird, Magic, Chamberlain and Robertson. Guys who not only dominated, but made their teammates dominate as well. And by those standards, Kobe can't hold a candle.
The issue is you still can't accurately compare the players of then with the players of now. But with this article, Ms. Hill has set the science of trying to compare the eras back 150 years. She has re-invented the wheel... and it's a square.

Rookie Barrage and Mirage: Vol.1

2003 was obviously the best draft class since the one that featured Jordan, Barkley, Stockton and Olajuwon. LeBron, 'Melo, DWayde, Bosh, and Josh Howard are all bona fide A-list stars now. The next tier is stacked with talent as well; Hinrich, David West, Luke Ridnour, TJ Ford, Kaman, Diaw and Barbosa. The C-List stars from that class are also nothing to scoff at; Mikael Pietrus, Darko, Zaza, Nick Collison, Marcus Banks, Sasha Pavlovic, Outlaw, Jason Kapono, Walton, Steve Blake, Willie Green, Korver, Bogans, and James Jones. Rounding out the pack are competent Kendrick Perkins, Brian Cook, Jarvis Hayes, Carlos Delfino and Michael Sweetney. And that's not to mention guys who signed after going un-drafted, which included Marquis Daniels, Matt Carroll, Udonis Haslem and Quinton Ross.
So basically out of one year we got 5 guys who were all stars within 4 years. 5 more who could be all stars next season. 18 starters. And a few guys who we've just scratched the surface of potential with (Barbosa, Darko, Collison, Pavlo and Pietrus). 4 Years later and this class is running the league. Compared with 2002(and don't understand me too fast, it was also an excellent draft class): Amare, Yao, Caron, Tayshaun and Boozer is a fantastic core. There's 4 all stars and a champion in there. The fall off is rather steep after that though; Nenad, Dunleavy, Jr., Gooden, Nene, Wilcox, Flip Murray, Freddie Jones, Nachbar, Ely, Salmons, Dixon, Barnes and Jared Jeffries. That's 4 all stars and 18 players worth even mentioning within 5 years. As opposed to 5 and 37 the next year.
So what about the 2006 class? It's a little early to tell, but the picture's getting clearer. First the guys who obviously can hang at the NBA level. They're not locks to be All Stars any time soon, but they'll all be playing prominent roles 4 or 5 years from now: Bargnani, Roy, Foye, Gay, Rondo, Aldridge, Thomas, Williams, Garbajosa, and Millsap. And I would expect Gay, Roy and Bargnani to be All Stars in the next two or three years. After them are a another string of actually decent players. This class was labeled a bust by many, but I disagree. Lowry, Farmar, Morrison, Reddick, Shelden Williams, Gibson, Carney, Sefolosha, Brewer, Miles, Balkman, Rodriguez, Armstrong, Simmons, Novak, Powe and Adams have all shown flashes. There were several immediate busts, Brown, Brown, Sene, O'Bryant, and more happening every day. But still this class has a wide field of guys getting a chance to shine.
Essentially the draft ebbs and flows with the crop of college talent. Though next year's draft potentially sports two guys everyone agrees will be immediate successes, Oden and Durant, the fall off after that is pretty steep. Some even think Marc Gasol, Pau's chump ass baby brother, could go 1st round. So stars do not, necessarily, a great draft class make. One could even argue this class will be a bigger success than that 2002 class, in that there are way more guys potentially to still be big contributors, 4 or 5 years down the line.

More on this analysis to come...

Why Not Send Garnett to Portland??

Zach Randolph is an offensive/rebounding beast. But he's also a discipline case, as evident by his latest stunt (strip club bereavement). They're gonna want to trade him, so they've gotta showcase him. Who would want him now? I'm looking at you Minnesota.
If KG forces a trade, ZR could become an appealing prize to the TWolves. Also considering their point guard woes, a KG for Randolph, Jack, and Miles deal might look awfully sweet. Granted, they're in some sort of rebuilding mode, but Randolph has to be considered the most underrated 25 and 10 guy to ever play the game. Think about it this way, his numbers at the time of the all star break were as good, if not better than, Chris Bosh's in a lot of ways. And at the time of All Star voting, Toronto was not doing a heck of a lot better than Portland. Yet Bosh was a starter for the East and Randolph got snubbed for Josh Howard. Plus Randolph is still young and could compliment guys like Ricky Davis, Randy Foye and Craig Smith better with his offensive tenacity. Jack would be a nice addition and would either light a fire under the collective ass of Jaric/James/Hudson, or walk on and take their jobs. For Portland, obviously, getting KG has got to be considered hitting the jackpot.
The question is; does KG like the feel of Portland more than Minnesota or, for that matter, LA? I actually feel like this could be a very nice fit for him. He's gotta like Nate McMillan, and he's gotta like Roy, Aldridge, Rodriguez, Webster and Outlaw. That seems like exactly the young core he's looking to help him make a march on the finals. Granted, right now they look farther from contention than the TWolves, who aren't even close. But the way Roy and Aldridge have been playing, they could both be serious contributors, if not all stars, next season. Now clearly Garnett is also looking for a vet presence who can "finish." Obviously this is a euphemism for Kobe. But I don't see why he needs that, per se. Brandon Roy is the kind of exciting young guy who has the abilities to become that finisher. And moving for KG doesn't mean the Blazers can't also make overtures for some other type of veteran presence who can help them. For instance, a move for a guy like Jerry Stackhouse (his contract ending), who the Blazers could probably lock up for something in the 2 years at 4-6 million per year range, could make all parties happy, KG, Roy, Wolves, Blazers, et al. And Stack would be exactly the kind of guy Garnett needs; he could fill the same role Sprewell used to: hit open shots created by KG and Cassell (or in this case, Roy).
And Blazers fans, just try and come up with a more lethal starting line than this: C-Aldridge, PF-Garnett, SF- Udoka/Webster/Outlaw, SG- Stackhouse, and PG- Roy. I could see that crew threatening for the West right away. And Portland's the kind of town KG could warm up to; a rabid fan base, a young exciting future, a "player's coach," and it's just gotta be better than Minnesota in terms of... everything except ice fishing.
Plus, assuming the Blazers miss the playoffs again, they'll be in line for another sexy lottery pick in a class that's got some gems. Now is the best time for Portland to make a move for Garnett. For Garnett, he's still got time to take a chance on another long shot before packing it in and headed to LA for the guaranteed domination of teaming up with Kobe. What do you think Blazers fans? Why not KG to Portland?

Ralph Nader: Stick to Ruining Elections, Let Bronny Stick to Basketball

I am now gonna post an open letter Ralph Nader sent to the King. He asks LeBron to "pressure" Nike to fix the practices of warehouses all over the world where people work in shitty conditions. Let me preface by saying I think Nader is an ass. A well meaning ass with a vision for a wonderful world. A world I wish I lived in. But he doesn't know how to achieve it, so instead he just kicks as hard as he can until something breaks. The best example of this would be his presidential campaign in 2000. He may be pissed about the war in Iraq, but if he's honest, he knows he bears as much responsibility for it as anyone. Had he not run, it is (not a matter of conjecture, but guaranteed) overwhelmingly likely that the bulk of his votes would have gone to Gore and we would live in a very different place. He denies this self evident truth, and that's fine. I wouldn't want to be blamed for Iraq either, but there it is. Stunts like these are just part of his delusion.

March 21, 2007

LeBron James
Cleveland Cavaliers

Dear Mr. James:

Congratulations on your continued success as one of the NBA’s elite players. Perhaps basketball fans across the world will be able to watch you and the Cavs in the Finals very soon.

As someone who participates in many generous charitable activities, we hope you will be responsive to this appeal.

When last we wrote you in December, 2003 regarding your relationship with Nike and with the workers who produce the Nike products you endorse, you were just one month into your rookie season and six months into your reported 7 year, $90 million contract with Nike. Neither you nor your agent replied to our letter.

Since that time, Nike has admitted, through self-monitoring, that its contracted factories are places where extraordinarily low wages, physical and sexual abuse, restrictions of bathroom use and other human rights abuses take place. Finally acknowledging problems that worker’s rights advocates have been exposing for well over a decade is a responsible step for Nike, as is its important disclosure of factory locations. But this acknowledgment and disclosure does not mean the problems are being addressed.

As we expressed in our previous letter, Nike products are synonymous with sweatshops in developing nations, and the company still chooses to maximize profits on the backs of workers who live in poverty and whose human rights are unprotected. We ask that you support justice for these people.

Mr. James, pro athletes are not unlike most people in this country who tend not to believe that they have the power to influence change. Some, however, know they have the power but are afraid that speaking out publicly could disrupt their positions personally, professionally, commercially, or in the media.

But there are others. For example, athletes like Etan Thomas, Steve Nash, Carlos Delgado, Martina Navratilova, Adonal Foyle, Adalius Thomas, Josh Howard, Adam Morrison and others have all raised their voices against the war and occupation of Iraq.

Stephon Marbury has spoken out in a different way. Through direct action, Marbury has launched his own basketball sneaker, which retails for about $15. He has challenged the entire basketball sneaker industry, in part, to present inner-city kids with an affordable (yet still stylish and well-made) alternative to the $150 shoes that you and others endorse. That Marbury’s shoes, produced by Steve and Barry’s, are made in China suggests it is likely they are manufactured under sweatshop factory conditions, given that independent trade unions are illegal in China. Hopefully Marbury’s efforts toward positive change will soon lead him to address worker’s rights as well.

Mr. James, as someone who enjoys unsurpassed commercial influence and with it, great negotiating power, you are in a unique position to stand up for the people who make the products you endorse. We urge you to let Nike know that you support the rights of those workers by demanding that:

- Nike insist its contractors pay a living wage, under safe working conditions, that allows workers to meet their basic needs, and that Nike pay contractors enough to do this;

- Nike insist its contractors recognize independent unions and that factory management collectively bargain with these unions in good faith; and

- Nike agree to a program of factory monitoring through international unions and human rights organizations that are credible and completely independent of Nike.

You have a chance to make an impact around the world not just with your basketball playing ability, but for your generosity as a human being in helping to improve working conditions for hundreds of thousands of workers.

We look forward to your response. Should you or your agent require more than a letter to respond, we can arrange for two of the workers from Nike factories overseas to travel to the U.S. and meet with you personally so they can convey their eyewitness accounts. Please let us know by April 16, 2007.

Sincerely,

Ralph Nader
Washington, DC

Shawn McCarthy
League of Fans
Washington, DC

A few things jump out at me:
1) They give Bronny a deadline. They do it in a polite tone, but they straight up give him a deadline. What are they gonna do when he ignores this? Send Code Pink after him? Maybe Nader could arrange for Cindy Sheehan to brow beat James into submission.
2) These strike me as the kind of fantasy delusions people without money have about people with money. They think LeBron, being a multi-multi-millionaire, would be happy to pass on more millions at their behest. I used to write letters to Bill Gates all the time asking if I could borrow like 100 grand, which proportionally would be like someone asking me to borrow a penny. You may not be shocked to find that Gates never sent me any checks. I hope Nader isn't shocked when Bronny doesn't either.
3) They ask LeBron to use his "unsurpassed influence," and "great negotiating power," to sway Nike to change the world. I think they're underestimating Nike's business savvy. First off, LeBron is in his contract, and won't be re-negotiating for a few years, so I'm not sure what kind of leverage they think he has. Second, Nike has sunk 90Million into just signing Bron, that doesn't count the additional millions they'll spend in marketing/advertising campaigns with him. That means before they even get to production costs and paying the cut that goes to the re-sellers, their profit margin is not looking that big. See where I'm going with this? By the time LeBron is asking them shell out (considerably) more money without taking it out of his paycheck, it starts to become more reasonable for Nike to tell the King to go take a powder. Let me put it this way, LeBron, Kobe, Amare, MJ, Nash, Pierce, Paul, Parker and others all have lucrative deals, and that's just the basketball end of things. As monstrously huge as LeBron is worldwide, if they have to choose between him and profitability, I have a feeling they'll choose profits.
4) Not to belabor the point, but what Nader is exhibiting here is a dearth of business sense. He applauds Marbury's magical $15 "well made" shoe for the streets. And then criticizes the use of Chinese sweat shops. Am I the only to whom it's occurring that a $15 well made shoe is pretty much an impossibility without sweatshops? If they pay people a decent wage to make the shoes, do they not understand that the ballooning in price is not going to be eaten by the manufacturer? It will be taken on by the consumer. You have Starbury's shoes made in LA by minimum wage employees, and that shoe is gonna cost $75. Which is fine, but knock off the wide eyed wonder of a 6 year old. Why can't they just make the shoe and not make a profit? Why can't the government not go to war for oil? Why can't it rain doughnuts instead of polluted water?


Essentially my point is this: Nader's goals are not just admirable, they're laudable and beautiful. I wish the world could work that way. But we don't live in that world. We live in a world that cannot sustain the population it already has, let alone the massive exponential growth of that population. Does he think if he stops sweatshop labor that those employees are suddenly gonna get 401Ks and benefits? While the sweatshop may be hellish, it's better than starving to death because you have no job. This isn't an argument in favor of sweatshops, it's an argument in favor of realism. Until we've found a viable alternative to this economic model, we cannot just kill the model. If Nike has to pay a decent wage, which American workers don't even get, to workers in Malaysia, why the hell have it made in Malaysia? The reality is their options are sweatshop jobs, or no jobs. It's the same as people who are scared of global warming wanting to tax the shit out car makers, as if those car makers aren't going to pass along the losses by laying off workers. Those workers may want their grandchildren's grandchildren to have a beautiful earth to live on 150 years from now, but they also want their own children to have something to eat tonight. Bottom line is either LeBron and Nike both just give away millions (maybe billions) or nothing. There is no middle ground and acting like LeBron need not make a huge sacrifice, only apply pressure, is disingenuous, at best. At worst Nader is pulling a PR stunt to corner LeBron and somehow embarrass Nike into changing. It won't work, and Nike would rather have rotten tomatoes hurled at them from Nader 'til the sky falls than piss away billions. It sucks, it's sad, it's unfortunate, it's called planet Earth. Welcome.

Thanks to TrueHoop for the heads up.

Right Now: The PussyCat Dolls Must Be Destroyed

Watching basketball on Sunday has become painful (when it's not on TNT or FSN). It must be made clear now and forevermore: if basketball has a "soundtrack," those songs should mostly be hip hop. The reasons: it is clearly the music of choice of most of the league, it is the most popular music form on the planet, it actually fits the game, which is a constant changing of beats as the ball bounces. The game basically is a hip hop song. The opening tip is the intro, ala "Big L rest in peace..." at the start of Full Clip by Gang Starr. You'll often hear that in a hip hop song, not so often in rock, country, or (ugh) swingy-broadwayish-musical theatre type crap. Then there is that brief pause as the guy recovers that opening tip and the beat starts with the dribble. Then a player makes a drive, or a series of passes and shots take place which is like the rhyme. Try watching the Suns with the volume off on the TV and some hip hop, doesn't matter what kind, on in the background. Ever wonder why all the best Youtube highlight reels are to hip hop? The ones to Metal or Alternative just sound ridiculous. If you can't see that, you're blind.
Now I understand the league's push to court whitey as viewers, and I have no problem with it. The league needs to make money, and I want them too, so they don't stop televising games everywhere. If it becomes unprofitable, it'll be like Hockey, harder to see. So if you want to get back those 40-65 year old white guys that used to be your bread and butter, at least make the music a rock song. When I turn on NBA Sunday on ABC and hear the Pussycat Dolls do this unbearably obnoxious Broadway number "Right Now," with the lyrics modified for basketball. It makes me want to gouge out my eyes. It would be an unstoppably annoying song on its own, but making it the theme song of basketball is criminal. If David Stern and ABC want some sort of a happy medium, they should try "Walk This Way." Run D and Aerosmith. If that's not the frickin' Oslo accords of marketing strategies, I don't know what is. Either that or "Bring the Noise" by Public Enemy and Anthrax...

Hunter Hunted

Henry Abbott at TrueHoop seems to think Lindsay Hunter came off well in his press conference on his drug bust. I would agree, with the exceptions of parts like this(from Detroit News, via HoopsHype):

"I know how I am, my wife knows, people who know me, know me. You can't control how people judge you. It's the league rule, and I have to abide by it. I hope people are not thinking I'm walking around now smoking marijuana."


Yeah, because your average Joe probably thinks weed is a lot worse than Amphetamines. In fact, maybe you should stick to blazing with 'Sheed rather than trying to crank on your wife's 'scrip.

Forbes Don't Know Basketball

Forbes isn't a sports magazine. It's about money, so it's not surprising that their list of best GMs in North American sports features some "dark horses," by sports standards. But how could this be right? #1 on their list is Kevin McHale. And if that weren't enough, #3 is BILLY KING! What? How is that possible? Forget their records, forget their colorful histories of boneheaded moves. How could the T-Wolves and Sixers be even financially viable, let alone successful, let alone two of the most successful in the NBA? There must be something on this list I'm missing, so if anyone out there can explain this, please do. Like why Brian Colangelo is 2nd to last on the list? Or how they could possibly justify Bickerstaff (lowest payroll) behind Isiah (highest payroll in universe). And why would R.C. Buford (Spurs) be behind Ernie Grunfeld (Wizards)? In fact, as TrueHoop points out, Buford is widely agreed to be the best in the biz. Know how you can tell? You never hear his name. He doesn't need to talk it up, doesn't need to comment on anything, 'cause his ship runs so damn smoothly. He seamlessly integrates new players with old, foreign with domestic, rookies and vets, etc. You never hear of discontent players in the locker room and you never hear about egos trying to co-exist. And you never hear about boneheads like Eddie Griffin and Chris Webber, bitching and moaning about god knows what, because Buford would never have signed them in the first place. Here's how the list looks. Here's how the list should look (at least the top 10):
1) R. C. Buford, San Antonio Spurs. Arguably the best team in the league for 10+ seasons and counting.
2) Brian Colangelo, Phoenix Suns/Toronto Raptors. Redefining game with foreign influences. Turned Suns into powerhouse, doing the same for Toronto.
3) John Paxson, Chicago Bulls. Took hapless, Jordanless, Bulls from embarrassment to contenders in remarkably short order. Seemingly preternatural ability to spot rookie talent.
4) Donnie Nelson, Dallas Mavericks. Best team in the league? A contender for the last 5 years, at least.
5) Joe Dumars, Detroit Pistons. Built the David that slayed Goliath.
6) Geoff Petrie, Sacramento Kings. Been packing Arco since the late '90s. Maybe the fans favorite GM.
7) Randy Pfund, Miami Heat. Hard to argue with the guy who put Riley, Wade and Shaq together with a trophy.
8) Jerry West, Memphis Grizzlies. The most basketball savvy and straight up guy there is. Built an efficient team oriented squad from nothing.
9)Elgin Baylor, LA Clippers. His team is the LA Clippers and they're on the verge of their second straight playoff appearance. Enough said?
10) Larry Bird, Indiana Pacers. His personnel choices have been suspect, but he still finds a way to win games with a pack of malcontents, criminals and idiots.

Head nod goes to TrueHoop for bringing this to our attention.

Me Likey TrueHoop + Great Jordan Story

TrueHoop really rules the ass off any other blogs, and the reason is Henry Abbott is so damn respected and connected, he constantly gets great stuff before anyone else. So I will now use his advantages to my advantage. Peep this (from an email Abbott got from Andrew Lawrence of SI):

It starts with Jordan shooting around at practice at old Chicago Stadium when he looks up and notices the m&m race on the jumbotron. Curious, he asks one of the Bulls' staffers what's up and learns what he is seeing is actually a dry run-through of the night's in-game entertainment, in which the jumbotron and m&m race factor prominently. (I'm pretty sure this was before shooting t-shirts out of an air cannon captivated a nation.) Naturally, MJ wanted to know if the winner of the race was predetermined. Of course the 8-bit graphics betrayed the answer: a resounding "yes".

So later that night, Phil calls a time out and Jordan & co. repair to the bench. As he's sitting down, he looks up at the jumbotron to see the m&m race about to start. So he nudges Scottie.

MJ: "Bet you 5 grand yellow takes this."

Pip: "Bet."

I'm told this went on for years before Scottie ever got wise...

Wow, Jordan's a real jerk. I believe that's what Bloggers might refer to as pwnage.

Gilbert Arenas: Still a Douchebag

You just have to read this, from an upcoming Chuck Klosterman article appearing in this Sunday's New York Times (by way of TrueHoop):

‘‘Sometimes you have to create your own legacy, and that is what I have done. There is no quirkiness about me. I just lash out at things, but it’s lighthearted. The freak part of me is not that I’m going to take 60 pills to get attention. I’m not that kind of freak. I just like to watch the Gummi Bears on TV. I’m not Ron Artest. I’m a character. The things I do, the things I say — these are things I sit in my house and think about. I know what I’m doing.’’

That's Agent Zero talking about himself. His concept of a "legacy" is apparently making everybody believe he's a Dungeons and Dragons playing social misfit. I used to hang out with a lot of D and D playing social misfits and none of them ever came off sounding this lame. Klosterman, Henry Abbot and others read more into this than is necessary, and even defend him as "normal." And I would agree; he is normal, because most highly paid athletes are probably douchebags. But I'm starting to think this guy's delusional fantasies are getting out of control. And wait a second, did he say he likes to watch Gummi Bears? That's either a reference to the old cartoon (which was great) or is it just possible he lines up the candy on his dresser and then picks their sweet gummi brains for ideas...