Jews Love Colangelo?

Maybe... Check this nauseating little bit from the Toronto Star about how Bryan Colangelo got Anthony Parker from Maccabi Tel Aviv:

Colangelo offered $1 million and then $1.5 million to try to get Parker out. He thought that would be enough: Under the terms of the NBA's collective bargaining agreement, the most a team can pay to buy out a player is $500,000.
The rest of the money comes from the departing player.
In the end, as both a symbolic and significant buyout the Raptors offered $1.8 million to free Parker to sign in Toronto.
The 1.8 number comes from the Hebrew number 18, the number Parker now wears on his Toronto uniform: The Jewish symbol signifying life.
"I think they appreciated the figure," Colangelo said. "I've had others tell me that." Toronto Star

As a Jew who loves Israel, let me just say, this was the kind of gesture that Maccabi Tel Aviv smiled and shook hands over, then rolled their eyes as they turned away.

Yes it's true that 18 is the numerical equivalent of the Hebrew letters "chet" (pronounced like coughing up a hairball) and "yood". The two letters together spell "chai" (also pronounced like coughing up a hairball). As anyone who's ever seen Fiddler on the Roof can tell you, "chai" means "life."

And since the executives at Maccabi Tel Aviv are essentially Ewoks, this clever little play mystified the Israeli suits into letting Anthony "Peak After 30" Parker go for under market value. Colangelo pulled a C3PO on them, and convinced them he was a deity, come to reclaim Parker.

That's apparently the way Colangelo sees it. And, coincidentally, in a recent interview when asked about the future of the Raptors, he cryptically only answered, "If I were a rich man, yi da di da di da di..."

Look, the execs for Maccabi Tel Aviv, former EuroLeague champs, aren't bushmen, and they're not gonna trade the franchise for beads. They knew they were pretty much gonna lose Parker either way, so they wanted as much money as possible to court replacements. It's really that simple. I'd be willing to bet that they didn't even make the connection between the 1.8 and "life."

Colangelo didn't bottle the wind for them, or reconnect them with their ancestral spirits. He paid them. Believe it or not, in foreign lands basketball is still a business.

Which is not to say that Bryan Colangelo isn't welcome in the Swag HQ for Passover, we'd love to have him. Just save the cultural communing and clever trickery for the Euro League team from Endor.

We ain't buying.

Thursday Picks and Rolls

First off, the other day when I posted Artested Development, I thought I was being an uberclever genius. Turns out I was not the first genius to think of that clever title.

LeBron is "back," which in itself is misleading as it suggests he was not balling all year, and everyone's jumping back on board. I'd love to hear what Kevin Brewer thinks after Bronny single handedly owned the Pistons last night. The thing to notice is the double doubles posted by Z and Gooden. It was Z's first in a month and Goodie's first in 3 weeks. When Bronson's better the Cavs are better, 'cause the only way to stop him is to throw all 5 guys in his way and hope whoever he dishes to misses an open shot (or Bron goes to the line, and your %s are similar).

Shaqalacka sticks it in and breaks it off on the Bulls. Let's see, a 33-14 fourth quarter against one of the best defensive teams in the league... Yeah Shaq's really fallen off...

Taiwanese ballers show 'Melo how to not be a puss.



Big dude in a Uruguayan league knocks a ref unconscious. And then a bunch of idiots take off their shirts as if that's really gonna unshatter this poor guy's jaw.



Basketbawful takes Scoop Jackson to task on this much ballyhooed Top 10 Centers list.


Adrian Wojnarowski thinks Kobe could've, and should've, drawn a bigger suspension. And then flatly states that Kobe could whoop Jaric's ass... which everyone, even Jaric, can agree on.

Haven't seen this in a while, but it's still freakin' awesome.

Artested Development

As every news source on the planet is now reporting, Ron Artest has been indefinitely removed from the Kings roster, locker room and consciousness. People seem to be roundly applauding the Maloofs for their handling of the situation. I'm not that impressed. They were in a sticky situation, but the fact that it's Artest made the decision considerably easier; they know he's guilty. If this was Lamar Odom, for instance (I use Odom because he's a player of similar caliber with a blemish-free off-the-court persona), they would have been really screwed. What if they reacted the same way and he turned out to be innocent? Not so much of a quandary with Rappin' Ronnie. When you read a report that Mrs. Artest chased his Hummer down the driveway smashing the windshield with a frying pan, and that he then followed her back in the house minutes before the coppers showed up, that's like reading in the paper that Bush said something dumb. There's a small possibility Bush didn't say something dumb, but who's gonna believe that? BallHog has been saying for the last year, "it's only a matter of time..." about Artest, and he's right. Ron is one of those tragically gifted athletes, like Mike Tyson or Wild Thing Ricky Vaughn: his talent will never exceed his dysfunction.


Thanks to BasketBawful for the kick ass mug shot.