Dave D'Alessandro: Pinko?

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Now tell me you're not thinking the same thing as me: This D'Alessandro guy is a pinko, socialist, turncoat, french fries & gravy eating mofo if ever I've seen one.

It is a truly glorious place, this vast white suburb of Detroit, inhabited by 32 million people of generous spirit. The best part is they really want nothing in return, which is convenient because those of us on this side of the border don't really give back much.
They send us these magnificent gusts of fresh air in the spring and fall; we send back acid rain and other forms of environmental pollution. They give us Joni Mitchell and Bruce Cockburn; we send them Bill O'Reilly and MTV. They send us some really good adult beverages; we reward them by taxing their timber.

Ummm... Bruce Cockburn? Who the hell thanks Canada for this guy:

And let's not forget Brian Adams, Celine Dion and Mike Myers. Here's how I'd thank them for those 3; a punch in the stomach. I guess Bill O'Reilly sucks, but we also sent them The Ramones, Jenna Jameson and crack-cocaine. Not to mention a whole generation of hippie draft dodgers, who have no doubt become successful pillars of society. At least by Canadian standards. Granted MTV sucks hard, but without it, where would Bruce Cockburn have gotten the idea for those hard rocking earrings in his right ear. Let me sum up Canada's contributions to the world this way: Barenaked Ladies, Sandra Bullock, Robert Goulet, enough said. Actually I'm shocked he didn't mention Steve Nash, maybe Canada's only truly valuable contribution to society.

But really I'm more disturbed by the veracity with which people in general (and D'Alessandro specifically) are jumping on the Raptor band wagon. I get it, they're good. Great, grand, wonderful. They're still a punk ass 47 win team that will be losing in the first round very soon to the Nets, who are themselves not that good. They roped in the majority of those 47 wins playing against the worst collection of teams in pro sports, the Eastern Conference Atlantic Division.

They do have, as D'Alessandro says, a guy finishing in the top 5 in MVP voting (Bosh), one of the better PGs in the game (TJ Ford), One of the best rookies in the game (Bargnani), and a bench full of solid role fillers, like Mo Pete, Calderon and Garbajosa. So my question isn't why are they so good, but why aren't they better? Essentially the heat on the Raptors sounds a lot to me like the heat on the Magic at the end of last season. And as we have now discovered in round 1 against Detroit; they still suck.

Jews Love Colangelo?

Maybe... Check this nauseating little bit from the Toronto Star about how Bryan Colangelo got Anthony Parker from Maccabi Tel Aviv:

Colangelo offered $1 million and then $1.5 million to try to get Parker out. He thought that would be enough: Under the terms of the NBA's collective bargaining agreement, the most a team can pay to buy out a player is $500,000.
The rest of the money comes from the departing player.
In the end, as both a symbolic and significant buyout the Raptors offered $1.8 million to free Parker to sign in Toronto.
The 1.8 number comes from the Hebrew number 18, the number Parker now wears on his Toronto uniform: The Jewish symbol signifying life.
"I think they appreciated the figure," Colangelo said. "I've had others tell me that." Toronto Star

As a Jew who loves Israel, let me just say, this was the kind of gesture that Maccabi Tel Aviv smiled and shook hands over, then rolled their eyes as they turned away.

Yes it's true that 18 is the numerical equivalent of the Hebrew letters "chet" (pronounced like coughing up a hairball) and "yood". The two letters together spell "chai" (also pronounced like coughing up a hairball). As anyone who's ever seen Fiddler on the Roof can tell you, "chai" means "life."

And since the executives at Maccabi Tel Aviv are essentially Ewoks, this clever little play mystified the Israeli suits into letting Anthony "Peak After 30" Parker go for under market value. Colangelo pulled a C3PO on them, and convinced them he was a deity, come to reclaim Parker.

That's apparently the way Colangelo sees it. And, coincidentally, in a recent interview when asked about the future of the Raptors, he cryptically only answered, "If I were a rich man, yi da di da di da di..."

Look, the execs for Maccabi Tel Aviv, former EuroLeague champs, aren't bushmen, and they're not gonna trade the franchise for beads. They knew they were pretty much gonna lose Parker either way, so they wanted as much money as possible to court replacements. It's really that simple. I'd be willing to bet that they didn't even make the connection between the 1.8 and "life."

Colangelo didn't bottle the wind for them, or reconnect them with their ancestral spirits. He paid them. Believe it or not, in foreign lands basketball is still a business.

Which is not to say that Bryan Colangelo isn't welcome in the Swag HQ for Passover, we'd love to have him. Just save the cultural communing and clever trickery for the Euro League team from Endor.

We ain't buying.

Vinsanity

Yikes, you get the feeling there are a thousand more where these came from.