Who's Afraid of the IRA? And Other Friday Foolishness

If Ira Newble truly wants to find a team that would offer more playing time, he holds a player option on his contract for the 2007-08 season. But agent Steve Kauffman isn't going to let him walk away from a $3.4 million contract since he'd be a minimum-salary player on the open market. Despite his recent upsurge, Newble probably isn't going to get a lot of minutes since he plays the same position as James. Willoughby News-Herald

If the Notorious IRA wants to get paid more than 3.4 million dollars for his services, he better learn to rap. 'Cause he sure as shit isn't gonna get paid that much to play basketball.

Steve Francis told several NBA players of the buyout talks and that he was hoping to sign with Houston, where he lives during the offseason.
New York Daily News

Yeah, and Superman wants to re-sign with the planet Krypton, but that shit's been blown up for years...

Reserve center Scot Pollard told the team he regretted looking into a TV camera during a recent game and saying, ``Hey kids, do drugs.'' Pollard was sitting on the bench in street clothes when he made the remark during a 20-second timeout in Sunday's game against the Indiana Pacers. ``It was a bad joke,'' Pollard said in Thursday editions of the Plain Dealer. ``That's all it boils down to. There are a number of things people could say about it, but it just turned out it was a bad joke. Obviously, I don't believe that.'' Akron Beacon Journal

Obviously.

The Nets' Antoine Wright isn't backtracking about slams he put on his college "education" at Texas A&M. But he says he aimed his controversial comments at all colleges, not just A&M. "I don't regret what I said, but I regret doing the interview," said Wright, who on HBO's "Costas Now" said his high school courses were tougher than those at A&M, where athletes were "in poultry science for a reason . . . to get this grade [not] learn about chickens." New York Post

Wow, he really ripped the lid off that scandal. I think there were still 5 0r 6 people out there who didn't know athletes get a free ride at schools with competitive athletic programs.

The ratings for Marbury's premiere TV talk show with Kobe Bryant, "Stars on Stars" received a .1 rating (75,000 homes). While that would seem modest, a FoxSportsNet spokesman said the total is 15 percent higher than the programs shown in that Friday time slot the past three months. Marbury's second show is today at 4:30 p.m. Knicks superfan/filmmaker Spike Lee will be Marbury's guest. The show will be replayed Sunday at 2 p.m. and Monday at 3:30 p.m. New York Post

Only way I'm watching this show is if Marbury has Francis on as his guest and the two of them rate the top ten most overpaid players of all time.

G Walls: Get Yer Dollar Up

Gerald Wallace is one of my favorite players in the game right now. Both as a multi pronged Fantasy WMD, and as a solid, versatile swingman. He's one of the few guys in the league that can give Bronny and Kobe fits, he can shoot from anywhere on the court, he's a high flying dunksmith, and he's the polar opposite of Artest in terms of media whoring. He's everything you wanna see out of a combo guard-forward, with the exception of a nagging injury bug that has caused him to miss 154 games over the last 6 seasons. He's the best offensive player and best defensive player on the young Bobcats. So this little bit from the Sacramento Bee is pleasing:

Come July, though, Wallace will have options. He is considered among the top free agents available. The Bobcats seem to place Wallace as a priority and have the spending room to follow through, but they are also amid change. Michael Jordan, the team's managing member of basketball operations, announced Tuesday that coach-general manager Bernie Bickerstaff won't be courtside next season, though he likely will retain his upper-management duties. Still, Wallace said he likes the direction of the franchise. "It feels pretty good to me, the way the organization is going and the way they're putting everything together," Wallace said. "I like the guys they're (bringing) in, so it's pretty much a good situation for me here." Wallace had it good against the Kings, with his squad winning despite his struggles against Ron Artest. The Kings small forward held Wallace to 13 points on 5-for-13 shooting, and Wallace fouled out with 3:37 remaining.

I haven't liked a Gerald this much since this guy.

Vinsanity

Yikes, you get the feeling there are a thousand more where these came from.

Mark Cuban: Badass or just ass?

"I couldn’t deal with the NBA," Cuban said. "There was things that I couldn’t imagine happening in the Finals that happened in the Finals. You don’t even know a tenth of it – stuff I didn’t get fined for and that was just too outrageous for me to even say publicly. And so I was like, ‘I’m done.'"

I'd like to coin the phrase "Cubanized" and use it describe situations where your boss thinks you and he/she have an unspoken understanding, and then you just air the dirty laundry in front of the customers. For instance; your boss lets you get away with spending half your day cruising the Internet, thinking to himself that you will then not dare point out his subscription to www.fatasshoeswithtoysandjello.com, in return. You proceed to announce at the front desk, that your boss has a fascination with hoes, who have large butts and own toys covered in Jello. Your customers book for the exit with no delay, and your boss looks at you like, "WTF dude? I thought we were homeys." That is essentially what Cuban has done to Stern here. And Stern, not being able to fire Cuban, has 2 choices: 1)fine him a shit ton of loot, or 2)let it slide, but remember it for the next time Cuban needs a favor. Fining him means nothing, because he has more money than Cresus, and doing that just draws more attention to what amounts to the equivalent of 9/11 "truthers" spouting whatever ridonkulous thing pops into their imagination. So I'd have to imagine Sterny's gonna let this one slide. As for the question of the day? I'm starting to think Cuban is pretty badass...

First Bounce Fly and the NCAA Tourney

Attention, loyal swagites: I am now going to be blogging for a new sports website called First Bounce Fly. Now you have extra opportunities to lap up the Cap'n's wisdom. Now don't wig out, of course I'll still be running the Sport Swag, and I will not slow my posting regimen even a jot. Not one tittle I tell you. There will now just be double the Cap'n to go around. For starters, I'll be covering some NCAA Tournament games. And as you all well know, College Sports and I go way back. We have a long illustrious relationship, mostly comprised of me trying to conclusively prove that the college kids can't hold a candle to the pros. I feel satisfied that this ground has been tread on enough, so since I can't beat them, I will now join them. Head over to the FBF starting tonight for all the Cap'n cavorting you can handle, and some rundowns on today's action.

Terry Stotts: Gone

The third coaching casualty of the season came earlier today as the Bucks axed Terry Stotts. As with Casey and Bickerstaff, this is another guy I didn't think deserved to be fired. He's had his back broken all year by injuries to his 3 best players, Redd, Simmons and Villanueva, on a team that is just not that great to begin with. He's done an admirable job, but I guess that's that. From the sound of it, this was a pretty nice guy, and the team just needs a change of direction.
Read the whole thing here, from Yahoo! Sports.

George Karl: Douchebag

I have a soft spot in my heart for Karl, because he did take the Cavs to the playoffs in the '84-85 season. That feat puts him in a pretty exclusive club; the Cavs have only seen the postseason 14 times in 37 seasons (We went out in the first round in 10 of those 14 seasons). His colleagues in Cavs coaching legend are also an impressive bunch, other than Karl, the only Cavs coaches to take us into the post season are Bill Fitch, Lenny Wilkens, Mike Fratello and Mike Brown. So, with that little piece of history behind us, let me continue; Karl's a jackass. The bottom line is similar to Artest: these guys will never change. That's all there is to it. Karl, Artest, Terrell Owens, these guys can have a hundred life changing epiphanies in a thousand ashrams in India and it will never cure their dysfunction. They crave it. I once dated a girl like that. If I was nice to her and we didn't argue, she inevitably became, how shall I put this... "itchy." After a short honeymoon phase, she would pick a fight just so we'd have the excitement of fighting. I miss her... Which may explain why Karl, Artest and Owens continually get new chances, we miss the Artest who could be MVP, the Karl who could challenge the mighty ('96)Bulls for the trophy and the TO that can shut the F up and catch touchdowns. But the problem is, for every flash of potential they show, we're that much closer to another meltdown and another media whorefest. Karl's most recent one is calling out 'Melo as a straight up chump, and laying the Nuggets woes squarely at his feet. I watched the Nuggs play the other night and the problem is not 'Melo, per se. Yeah, he's selfish, one dimensional and not great on defense. The league is littered with dudes who don't do it on both ends. 'Melo is simply the best offensive player in the league. He can hit from anywhere on the court and has an unmatched inside/outside game. He can get to the stripe at will and, like his friend DWade, can actually hit his foul shots. He has much to work on; a big ego, an ugly mustache and he hits like a chick, but he's not "the reason" that the Nuggets suck. If you're looking for enlightenment on that one, question why a team with absolutely no need for Allen Iverson would sacrifice Andre Miller, a dude who was integral to their limited success, and salary cap freedom to get him? If anyone's to blame on this team it's Karl and Issel for their boneheaded construction. The way 'Melo, Camby and Nene are playing, if this team still had Miller, Karl would have nothing to bitch about. But he's got to deflect criticism from himself, and the only way this dysfunctional brat knows how, is to call his players out in the media. Regardless of how his words to 'Melo may have gone in one ear and out the other before, he knows from experience with Payton, Allen and Cassell, that calling your dudes out in the media is just gonna make things worse.

Cavs on Fire

We don't need no water. That's right, the Cavs are peaking at just the right time. The most recent spanking was a 24 point bitchslapping applied to the Kings by a Bron-less Cavs squad. It's getting ugly for the rest of the league. With just under a quarter of the season to go and the playoffs looming, the Cavs are suddenly the best team in the East, and when they're on I wouldn't hesitate to throw them in with the top 5 seeds in the West. Buckle up Cleveland faithful, the legacy is about to begin...

Ugliness from All Over

Serbians show British soccer hooligans how it's done.


Girl showcases NBA's new plan to stop Bronny in the paint.


For those of you nutters who think college basketball is better than the pros.


For those of you out of touch oldies who think fighting is a new development, here's a couple classics involving no less than 6 current or soon-to-be hall of famers.


Rodney King getting worked by the friendly coppers from Double Dragon.


Here's why organized sports might not help your kid that much... it's called hazing.


And reason #959 on my list of the top 10,000 reasons why LaCrosse is for morons.

Weak End at Bernie's

Bernie Bickerstaff will not be returning as the head coach of the Charlotte Bobcats. Read the whole story here, from Yahoo! Sports.
Much like the firing of Dwayne Casey earlier this year, I'm not crazy about this move. Bick has been, in my opinion, one of the best GMs in the league over the last couple seasons, putting together the hottest looking young core of 1st round picks in the league. He's done it while maintaining an almost impossibly low payroll. To put it in perspective; the Bobcats pay Gerald Wallace, Emeka Okafor, Ray Felton, Sean May, Primoz Brezec, Matt Carroll, Brevin Knight, Adam Morrison less in combined salary, than the Knicks pay for just Franchise and Starbury. Who would you rather have? Granted there are a lot of rookie contracts in there, and the reason they have so many good rookies is that they're so perennially awful that they always have a high 1st round pick. Still, Okafor and Wallace should both have been All Stars this year, Felton and May could both become major contributors, and the other guys have bright futures as role players. Bickerstaff is the one who put the team in position to sign both Vinsanity and Rashard Lewis this off season. They're the only team in the league that can literally outbid anyone. If they play their cards right, they could be in the hunt for Lewis, Carter, Garnett, Gasol, Billups, and anyone else who might hit the market this summer. As a coach, I also like what Bickerstaff has done with a constant injury epidemic. His team could be a lot worse, with Okafor and Wallace always down, and the young guys having no vets to look up to, Charlotte is a piece or two away from the playoffs. They've got 22 million in contracts coming off the books as soon as the season ends. They have to consider giving Wallace fat money to keep him, but it's not a necessity, as they'll also be walking into the best draft since '03 with yet another top 5 pick. I feel like this is the wrong time to announce this. They're already deep enough in the hole that they don't need to "play for the draft." Meaning they could go 15-5 to finish the year (massively unlikely) and still end up with a top 5 pick. So why completely undermine the rest of Bick's tenure by announcing his lame duck status? The Cats are in a unique position to really start getting creative and juggling lines. They have 20 games that don't matter at all, maybe they should spend them getting to know just how good Brezec, Carroll and Hollins are? Now's the time. Okafor's injured, again, might as well deactivate him for the homestretch, let him rest up and give the "younger" guys a chance to show what they've got. On top of that, is the fact that they're either gonna re-sign Wallace, sign-and-trade him, or let him go. Regardless of the situation, now's the time to showcase him. If they want to use him to get Pau, they'll need to up his dollar. Wallace, a Bickerstaff favorite, is less likely to be amenable to... anything, with Bernie gone. Jordan's saying Bickerstaff will remain in the organization, but as what GM? Cheerleader? By being shadowy, Jordan gives me the sneaking suspicion he's about to get his hands dirty and his feet wet. Can you say coach Jordan? I know the fans of Charlotte can...

UPDATE: This just occurred to me, but can you think of a better fit to replace Bickerstaff than Paul Silas?? Oh man, that'd be flawless casting by Jordan...

Bogut: Unrated Edition

Whoah, did anyone else see that coming? I thought Andrew Bogut was one of those Vegemite sandwich toting friendly Aussies, like out of a Men at Work song. Turns out he's one of those angry rugby playing, foul mouthed, bird flipping Aussie dudes who may or may not be a skin head. Bogut apparently gave the crowd an eyeful of his lewd gesturing after getting ejected with 48 seconds to go in a pwning by the Raptors. Bogut nearly sends Bosh flying. It took me a few minutes to notice the most important detail: it was a home game in Milwaukee! I used to consider Bogut a bit of a softy, but back it up, dude's a straight up gangster. Flipping off the home crowd? That's some cold blooded shit. I love it. He's like a punk rock Sheed.

See the foul here. It's pretty mean spirited and nasty. From what I can tell, the camera cuts back to the court just as Bogut's about to commit the finger faux pas:

Brazilian Dandy's Taco Hell Adventure

I think way too much is being made of this. Fan favorite Anderson Varejao tried to knock down a three at the end of the Cavs win over the Pacers on Sunday. The game was essentially over with seconds remaining, and the Cavs up 11. But the Cavs were also 1 point away from free Chalupas for all in attendance. Varejao clanked the three and then got death stares from a fleet of Pacers, and Cavs coach Mike Brown. This is just stupid. The game was over and Varejao (who's statistically embarrassing from anywhere farther than 10 ft. from the basket) lofted an inconsequential rainbow from 3 point land. It was an 11 point game, not a throttling, but also well out of contention. It's not like the Cavs were up 30; it's not like Varejao's a starter who had sunk 10 triples that night; it's not like he charged through the lane and gorilla jammed it; it's not like he was looking for 2 points to complete a triple double. He tried to score a couple points to give the fans an extra bonus. Both the coaches, Brown and Pacers coach Rick Carlisle, jumped down the poor kid's throat because they found it "unprofessional." What a load of bullshit. Here's unprofessional; getting your ass handed to you by another team and then bitching and moaning about a last second shot that didn't even go in. Do the Pacers have any dignity left? Varejao did the absolute right thing: he gave the fans their money's worth by playing his ass off and then tried to go the extra step and send them home with a smile on their face. The fact that we're so married to these concepts of "professionalism" (that strangely don't include things like beating the shit out of a bartender or firing a gun in public) for no other reason than that we think we should be is concerning to me. I can understand the concept of not showboating or trying to run up a score, but if you can't see the difference between that and this, you're crazy.

Read the whole ugly thing here.

Tractor Abroad

Former NBA forward Robert Traylor has agreed to play for Gestiberica Vigo of the Spanish league. Traylor is 6-8 and played in the NBA from 1998-2005 with Milwaukee, Cleveland and New Orleans. He compiled career averages of 4.8 points and 3.7 rebounds per game. Probasketballnews.com

I don't know if this is good news or bad news. I loved the Tractor, so I'd like to see him back in the NBA, preferably in a Cavs uniform. But I guess it's good he's playing at all. So I suppose congrats go out to Traylor.

Monday Morning Bullshitters

Many fans said they were touched by the sincerity of Artest's apology to his family, teammates and fans during a news conference Saturday. "I was very moved by that. It was all coming from his heart," said Kings fan Barbara Rust. "I thought it was very sincere and made a big impression on me." News10.net
Rust went on to say that she thought Michael Richards and Mel Gibson were sincere in their apologies as well. Then I told her that the word "gullible" wasn't in the dictionary and she totally lost her shit...


Dumars also consulted with Pistons physical therapist Arnie Kander. "That's the first thing I wanted to know -- is this something that Arnie was passing out, because if he was, then we have a team full of guys (using it)," Dumars said. "But Arnie said no. All the things he gives out are natural. He doesn't believe in all that synthetic stuff." Detroit News
'Cause I bet Arnie would be in a huge hurry to admit he doles out illegal drugs to his players. Kander continued by saying Hydro cortisone is "straight up organic 'n' shit..."


It’s bad enough the Pacers are playing themselves out the playoffs with their current nine game losing streak that could continue for several more games. To make things worse (if that’s possible), Jamaal Tinsley was suspended a game for continually deciding to show up for practice whenever he wants. I’ve been told that this is a trend that happened numerous times in past seasons. It wasn’t until Saturday that coach Rick Carlisle publicly put his foot down by suspending Tinsley, who can’t seem to stay away from negative news. Indianapolis Star
As if being a criminal, a malcontent, a constant injury case and a 30% shooter wasn't bad enough, it looks like Tins is an asshole too.

It's funny now, little more than a vignette. But it wasn't funny then. Not to Andre Iguodala. Not during the 2004 NBA draft, when ESPN analyst Dick Vitale said Iguodala was a mistake for the 76ers at No. 9 in the first round. Not when Vitale said the pick should have been Luke Jackson. "Vitale said, 'Iguodala was a [27 percent] shooter from the college three-point line. He's not going to be able to play,' '' Iguodala recalled. "I thought, 'I'll remember that.' '' Philadelphia Daily News

Dick, baby, "the less you make declarative statements, the less apt you are to look a fool in retrospect..."

Wasted Talent, Volume 2

The secod installment in our continuing series on guys who wasted good years of their careers being useless jackasses. In vloume 2 we present, for your viewing pleasure, the Reign Man. Shawn Kemp.

CHauncey Heading West?

Everybody seems to agree that Chauncey has no choice but to leave Detroit. I'm not sure I understand why; I thought the whole point of letting Big Ben walk last off season was so they could afford to pay Billups this off season.

From Mark Kiszla at the Denver Post:
Billups would be receptive to the idea of a sign-and-trade deal that could land him with the Nuggets, according to agent Andy Miller, who represents the 10th-year veteran.

That I have no doubt about. If Billups flourished with Rip and Tayshaun, imagine what he'd do with AI and 'Melo. That would be an absolutely absurd starting line.

Also from Kiszla:
The raise sought by Billups, an NBA bargain at $6.36 million in the final year of his contract of Detroit, would almost certainly force Denver to trade center Marcus Camby or forward Nene to acquire the all-star guard.

If Denver can get Chauncey for Marcus Camby, Joe Dumars should fire himself. Why would Detroit, who passed on paying money to an aging Wallace for Chauncey, be interested in dealing for the even more aging Camby? That's just stupid. The deal would have to involve Nene, and that's just for starters, because of the obscene 60 million dollar deal Hilario signed, the Nuggs would have to throw in some serious prospects to Detroit to sweeten the pot. The deal would have to be something along the lines of Detroit signing Chauncey to 4 years at 13 mil/year, and trading him to Denver along with Nazr Mohammed(4 remaining at 5mil) for Nene (5 remaining at 10mil), Diawara (1 remaining at 800k), Kleiza (1 remaining at 845k), Blake (expiring at 1.4) and maybe some sort draft picks arrangement.

This Dude Is A Baller.....That Simple

Slop

Thursday Picks and Rolls

First off, the other day when I posted Artested Development, I thought I was being an uberclever genius. Turns out I was not the first genius to think of that clever title.

LeBron is "back," which in itself is misleading as it suggests he was not balling all year, and everyone's jumping back on board. I'd love to hear what Kevin Brewer thinks after Bronny single handedly owned the Pistons last night. The thing to notice is the double doubles posted by Z and Gooden. It was Z's first in a month and Goodie's first in 3 weeks. When Bronson's better the Cavs are better, 'cause the only way to stop him is to throw all 5 guys in his way and hope whoever he dishes to misses an open shot (or Bron goes to the line, and your %s are similar).

Shaqalacka sticks it in and breaks it off on the Bulls. Let's see, a 33-14 fourth quarter against one of the best defensive teams in the league... Yeah Shaq's really fallen off...

Taiwanese ballers show 'Melo how to not be a puss.



Big dude in a Uruguayan league knocks a ref unconscious. And then a bunch of idiots take off their shirts as if that's really gonna unshatter this poor guy's jaw.



Basketbawful takes Scoop Jackson to task on this much ballyhooed Top 10 Centers list.


Adrian Wojnarowski thinks Kobe could've, and should've, drawn a bigger suspension. And then flatly states that Kobe could whoop Jaric's ass... which everyone, even Jaric, can agree on.

Haven't seen this in a while, but it's still freakin' awesome.

Hunter Hunted

Henry Abbott at TrueHoop seems to think Lindsay Hunter came off well in his press conference on his drug bust. I would agree, with the exceptions of parts like this(from Detroit News, via HoopsHype):

"I know how I am, my wife knows, people who know me, know me. You can't control how people judge you. It's the league rule, and I have to abide by it. I hope people are not thinking I'm walking around now smoking marijuana."


Yeah, because your average Joe probably thinks weed is a lot worse than Amphetamines. In fact, maybe you should stick to blazing with 'Sheed rather than trying to crank on your wife's 'scrip.

Lindsay Hunter: Trying to Make the Cheerleading Squad?

Lindsay Hunter just got slapped with a 10 game suspensh from the league for testing positive. No, not for testing positive with audiences, for drugs. Read this(from FanBall):

Guard Lindsey Hunter was suspended for 10 games on Wednesday, the NBA announced. Hunter tested positive for phentermine, which is on the banned list. A search on webmd.com shows that phentermine is a prescription used to fight obesity. Hunter has not appeared obese during the season, so this is a bizarre story. Luckily he has no fantasy value, so this will not affect any lineups.

Agreed. That is both bizarre and a fantasy non-factor. What is this dude getting in shape for? Dance class? Prom? Weird...