Well well well, a chance to guest blog for the Cap'n. Welcome one and all, this is your first mate Johnny Stee at the helm of the swag. Just stopping by from http://www.paytoilet.blogspot.com/ to throw down a little rant on the Cleveland Cavaliers.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm a huge Cavs fan, but for god's sake can we Git R Done already?
In response to Z's recent comments about upset about the Cavs just settling on jumpers - Bronnie replied - "We've been getting a lot of good looks lately, we just haven't been knocking them down."
These guys are getting terrible looks, firing it backwards off the dribble, upside down with a half reversal and a triple sow-cow and a full shot clock.
And maybe it hasn't occurred to him that even if a shot looks good, either him or Hughes may not be consistent enough to make 'em count?
Here's a short list of things that we can do to "Git R Done."
1. Get in the paint.
2. Have Mike Brown create more that one offensive play.
3. Get in the paint.
I'm sick of watching Bron's minutes get wasted out there on crappy low-percentage shots. He's missing them anyways. Man up and drive it to the lane more than once a night already. We've all seen what he can do, Mr. Brown, now it's time to get your players to commit. I'm no Red Auerbach, but it's pretty clear that what we're doing isn't working.
Also - On a similar note - Isn't it great how LBJ has taught Mike Brown to do that "Whiny Toddler Face" so well when they get a bad call?
Thanks Cap'n.
Here's to driving down my street and up yours.
Johnny Stee.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Me Likey TrueHoop + Great Jordan Story
TrueHoop really rules the ass off any other blogs, and the reason is Henry Abbott is so damn respected and connected, he constantly gets great stuff before anyone else. So I will now use his advantages to my advantage. Peep this (from an email Abbott got from Andrew Lawrence of SI):
It starts with Jordan shooting around at practice at old Chicago Stadium when he looks up and notices the m&m race on the jumbotron. Curious, he asks one of the Bulls' staffers what's up and learns what he is seeing is actually a dry run-through of the night's in-game entertainment, in which the jumbotron and m&m race factor prominently. (I'm pretty sure this was before shooting t-shirts out of an air cannon captivated a nation.) Naturally, MJ wanted to know if the winner of the race was predetermined. Of course the 8-bit graphics betrayed the answer: a resounding "yes".
It starts with Jordan shooting around at practice at old Chicago Stadium when he looks up and notices the m&m race on the jumbotron. Curious, he asks one of the Bulls' staffers what's up and learns what he is seeing is actually a dry run-through of the night's in-game entertainment, in which the jumbotron and m&m race factor prominently. (I'm pretty sure this was before shooting t-shirts out of an air cannon captivated a nation.) Naturally, MJ wanted to know if the winner of the race was predetermined. Of course the 8-bit graphics betrayed the answer: a resounding "yes".
So later that night, Phil calls a time out and Jordan & co. repair to the bench. As he's sitting down, he looks up at the jumbotron to see the m&m race about to start. So he nudges Scottie.
MJ: "Bet you 5 grand yellow takes this."
Pip: "Bet."
I'm told this went on for years before Scottie ever got wise...
Wow, Jordan's a real jerk. I believe that's what Bloggers might refer to as pwnage.Gilbert Arenas: Still a Douchebag
You just have to read this, from an upcoming Chuck Klosterman article appearing in this Sunday's New York Times (by way of TrueHoop):
‘‘Sometimes you have to create your own legacy, and that is what I have done. There is no quirkiness about me. I just lash out at things, but it’s lighthearted. The freak part of me is not that I’m going to take 60 pills to get attention. I’m not that kind of freak. I just like to watch the Gummi Bears on TV. I’m not Ron Artest. I’m a character. The things I do, the things I say — these are things I sit in my house and think about. I know what I’m doing.’’
That's Agent Zero talking about himself. His concept of a "legacy" is apparently making everybody believe he's a Dungeons and Dragons playing social misfit. I used to hang out with a lot of D and D playing social misfits and none of them ever came off sounding this lame. Klosterman, Henry Abbot and others read more into this than is necessary, and even defend him as "normal." And I would agree; he is normal, because most highly paid athletes are probably douchebags. But I'm starting to think this guy's delusional fantasies are getting out of control. And wait a second, did he say he likes to watch Gummi Bears? That's either a reference to the old cartoon (which was great) or is it just possible he lines up the candy on his dresser and then picks their sweet gummi brains for ideas...
‘‘Sometimes you have to create your own legacy, and that is what I have done. There is no quirkiness about me. I just lash out at things, but it’s lighthearted. The freak part of me is not that I’m going to take 60 pills to get attention. I’m not that kind of freak. I just like to watch the Gummi Bears on TV. I’m not Ron Artest. I’m a character. The things I do, the things I say — these are things I sit in my house and think about. I know what I’m doing.’’
That's Agent Zero talking about himself. His concept of a "legacy" is apparently making everybody believe he's a Dungeons and Dragons playing social misfit. I used to hang out with a lot of D and D playing social misfits and none of them ever came off sounding this lame. Klosterman, Henry Abbot and others read more into this than is necessary, and even defend him as "normal." And I would agree; he is normal, because most highly paid athletes are probably douchebags. But I'm starting to think this guy's delusional fantasies are getting out of control. And wait a second, did he say he likes to watch Gummi Bears? That's either a reference to the old cartoon (which was great) or is it just possible he lines up the candy on his dresser and then picks their sweet gummi brains for ideas...
Cedric Maxwell Loves Broads
Sometimes he even might refer to them as dames. Either way, Cornbread (as he was known in his early Celtic days) really screwed the pooch the other night while doing his normal duties as "voice of the Celtics." Read this (from SI.com, via Associated Press):
BOSTON (AP) -- Boston Celtics radio analyst Cedric Maxwell will offer an on-air apology during Wednesday night's game for saying that a female referee should "go back to the kitchen" after he disagreed with one of her calls, a station official said.
Maxwell made his comments during the Celtics 77-72 win over the Houston Rockets on Monday night's broadcast on WEEI-AM, which is owned by Entercom Communications.
He subsequently said "Go in there and make me some bacon and eggs, would you?" in reference to referee Violet Palmer.
Whoah! Go back to the kitchen? It would be stomach turning if it wasn't so damn funny. I understand it must be hard for radio/TV personalities to constantly watch what they say and make sure they don't accidentally say something that can be misinterpreted, but this one seems like a gimme. If he said that in front of his wife she'd probably slap the shit out of him, so he should've known he couldn't say it on air. If this guy wasn't the MVP of the '81 finals, I'd give him a piece of my mom's mind.
BOSTON (AP) -- Boston Celtics radio analyst Cedric Maxwell will offer an on-air apology during Wednesday night's game for saying that a female referee should "go back to the kitchen" after he disagreed with one of her calls, a station official said.
Maxwell made his comments during the Celtics 77-72 win over the Houston Rockets on Monday night's broadcast on WEEI-AM, which is owned by Entercom Communications.
He subsequently said "Go in there and make me some bacon and eggs, would you?" in reference to referee Violet Palmer.
Whoah! Go back to the kitchen? It would be stomach turning if it wasn't so damn funny. I understand it must be hard for radio/TV personalities to constantly watch what they say and make sure they don't accidentally say something that can be misinterpreted, but this one seems like a gimme. If he said that in front of his wife she'd probably slap the shit out of him, so he should've known he couldn't say it on air. If this guy wasn't the MVP of the '81 finals, I'd give him a piece of my mom's mind.
KG Compares RM to MJ... WTF?
Look even I said, yesterday, that Reggie Miller has a better shot at coming back than Pippen. But maybe Garnett's going a little overboard. Peep this, (from Rick Alonzo at the Pioneer Press):
Wolves forward Kevin Garnett said he thinks Miller, now retired, could make the transition from the broadcast booth back to the court.
"If it's Reggie Miller, yeah," Garnett said. "Michael Jordan, yeah. Any other old names you want to put in there, I don't think so."
First of all, as much as we all love Michael Jordan, have you seen him lately? He's what we in the sports industry might call tubbier than hell.
He looks like he swallowed Ron Harper. Him and Charles Barkley went to a Ponderosa the other day for lunch and the staff had to change their famous "all you can eat" policy at the buffet. But that's neither here nor there, because when the hell did we start throwing Reggie's name in with Michael Jordan? And when did it pass Scottie's name on the list of all time ballers? If we expanded the 50 greatest ever to 60, Regg doesn't make the cut. In fact, I'd argue you pretty much have to expand to the top 100 ever to find Reggie's name. Granted, Reggie's old enough to be KG's dad, but maybe Garnett's showing a little too much respect.
Wolves forward Kevin Garnett said he thinks Miller, now retired, could make the transition from the broadcast booth back to the court.
"If it's Reggie Miller, yeah," Garnett said. "Michael Jordan, yeah. Any other old names you want to put in there, I don't think so."
First of all, as much as we all love Michael Jordan, have you seen him lately? He's what we in the sports industry might call tubbier than hell.
He looks like he swallowed Ron Harper. Him and Charles Barkley went to a Ponderosa the other day for lunch and the staff had to change their famous "all you can eat" policy at the buffet. But that's neither here nor there, because when the hell did we start throwing Reggie's name in with Michael Jordan? And when did it pass Scottie's name on the list of all time ballers? If we expanded the 50 greatest ever to 60, Regg doesn't make the cut. In fact, I'd argue you pretty much have to expand to the top 100 ever to find Reggie's name. Granted, Reggie's old enough to be KG's dad, but maybe Garnett's showing a little too much respect.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Good Luck, Shaun Livingston
You hate to see this. Especially to a guy with as much promise as Shaun Livingston. Read this (from the LA Times):
Confirming their worst fears, the Clippers learned today that point Shaun Livingston has suffered potentially career-threatening knee damage and could be sidelined at least a year after he has extensive knee surgery. An MRI exam today revealed that Livingston suffered tears of three of the four major ligaments that support the knee. He tore the anterior cruciate, posterior cruciate and medial collateral ligaments. Livingston also tore his lateral meniscus and a dislocation of his patella.
That just sucks. I've watched this kid play. His game is rough and he has a lot to learn, but he also has the kind of game that could blossom into a Magic Johnson type all around point guard. This is just shitty news.
Confirming their worst fears, the Clippers learned today that point Shaun Livingston has suffered potentially career-threatening knee damage and could be sidelined at least a year after he has extensive knee surgery. An MRI exam today revealed that Livingston suffered tears of three of the four major ligaments that support the knee. He tore the anterior cruciate, posterior cruciate and medial collateral ligaments. Livingston also tore his lateral meniscus and a dislocation of his patella.
That just sucks. I've watched this kid play. His game is rough and he has a lot to learn, but he also has the kind of game that could blossom into a Magic Johnson type all around point guard. This is just shitty news.
More Pippen Posturing
Apparently Pip's still a week or two away from making a decision, which seems odd, because, at his age, every week that passes is like a year. By next week he'll be playing Bridge and pinochle. At any rate, here's some more concerning rumblings from Cleveland (via ESPN):
I've learned that Cleveland is one of the two teams that contacted Pippen's former agent to find out how to reach him. General manager Danny Ferry is still recovering from the hangover caused by his 72-hour binge session right before the trading deadline in which he tried and tried to find ways to make Drew Gooden's base-year compensation status workable in a multiteam deal that would have landed him Mike Bibby.
Oh god. I hope Pippen's return goes well, because he's one of the greatest and I hope his legacy doesn't get tarnished by unnecessary foolishness. That said, I can't fathom how he could possibly be the answer the Cavs are searching for. I really don't want the Cavs to make this error, which won't be costly in a money sense as Pippen will only get the vet's minimum. But it could be hugely detrimental to a late playoff push, which the Cavs might need to prevent a first round matchup with someone who can actually beat them.
I've learned that Cleveland is one of the two teams that contacted Pippen's former agent to find out how to reach him. General manager Danny Ferry is still recovering from the hangover caused by his 72-hour binge session right before the trading deadline in which he tried and tried to find ways to make Drew Gooden's base-year compensation status workable in a multiteam deal that would have landed him Mike Bibby.
Oh god. I hope Pippen's return goes well, because he's one of the greatest and I hope his legacy doesn't get tarnished by unnecessary foolishness. That said, I can't fathom how he could possibly be the answer the Cavs are searching for. I really don't want the Cavs to make this error, which won't be costly in a money sense as Pippen will only get the vet's minimum. But it could be hugely detrimental to a late playoff push, which the Cavs might need to prevent a first round matchup with someone who can actually beat them.
The Rifleman
Many forget that early in Reggie Miller's career, he wasn't the ace on those upstart Pacers teams that gave the Celtics such a fight in the '91 and '92 playoffs'. It was Chuck Person. His career numbers aren't much to gawk at, and there's no clutch youtube video of him lighting it up. But I remember watching him and thinking he was the best shooter I had ever seen other than Larry. Granted, Bird humiliated him those 2 series with his trash talking and hot shooting. But Person is still a guy who doesn't really get the recognish he deserves for being a baller. If anyone's got a tape at home of the '91 playoffs, please Youtube some Person moves, they're a beauty to behold.
Reggie Miller: Spending too Much Time with Scottie Pippen?
First Pip, now Reggie's caught the un-retire bug(from the Dallas Morning News):
No way of knowing how serious it is yet, but Reggie Miller could be a candidate for the Mavericks' vacant roster spot.
Owner Mark Cuban brought up Miller's name before Monday's game against the Hawks. The former Indiana Pacers star is the No. 1 3-point shooter in NBA history. He retired after the 2004-05 season, but remains in excellent physical shape.
This one doesn't surprise me as much as Pippen's hair brained scheme for a number of reasons: 1) Miller played more recently, in fact, he's only been out of the league a year and a half. 2) Miller wasn't really washed up at the time of his retirement. Dude did 15 pts, and a couple of 3s a night in his last season. 3) Miller seems clear on his capabilities and role: step up, knock down open 3s, provide leadership for Howard and Harris, hustle on back to the bench. Pippen thinks he'll be running the point, logging serious minutes, etc. Dream a little dream. My only question is how Miller can ever respect Avery Johnson, a guy who's only like 3 months older than him, and a guy whom he once (probably) referred to as a hobbit (midget, dwarf, pixie, elf, asshole) when they were playing against each other.
No way of knowing how serious it is yet, but Reggie Miller could be a candidate for the Mavericks' vacant roster spot.
Owner Mark Cuban brought up Miller's name before Monday's game against the Hawks. The former Indiana Pacers star is the No. 1 3-point shooter in NBA history. He retired after the 2004-05 season, but remains in excellent physical shape.
This one doesn't surprise me as much as Pippen's hair brained scheme for a number of reasons: 1) Miller played more recently, in fact, he's only been out of the league a year and a half. 2) Miller wasn't really washed up at the time of his retirement. Dude did 15 pts, and a couple of 3s a night in his last season. 3) Miller seems clear on his capabilities and role: step up, knock down open 3s, provide leadership for Howard and Harris, hustle on back to the bench. Pippen thinks he'll be running the point, logging serious minutes, etc. Dream a little dream. My only question is how Miller can ever respect Avery Johnson, a guy who's only like 3 months older than him, and a guy whom he once (probably) referred to as a hobbit (midget, dwarf, pixie, elf, asshole) when they were playing against each other.
mailerDamon: Message Failed to be Sent
Apparently Damon Jones came within 30 or 40 minutes of packing his bags on deadline day. I can't tell you how much that would've pleased me. Listen to this, from Bob Finnan at the Willoughby News-Herald:
"Sometimes (for teams) to make things work, you get at it. I was rumored for a lot of different places. From what I hear, a lot of possible deals came down to the last 35-40 minutes."One possible destination was Phoenix in exchange for Marcus Banks. Another might have been Sacramento.The fact that teams still want Jones is always a good thing.
Marcus Banks is certainly no Steve Nash, but I'd take him over Jones in a heartbeat. It's a shame the Cavs couldn't get that one done.
"Sometimes (for teams) to make things work, you get at it. I was rumored for a lot of different places. From what I hear, a lot of possible deals came down to the last 35-40 minutes."One possible destination was Phoenix in exchange for Marcus Banks. Another might have been Sacramento.The fact that teams still want Jones is always a good thing.
Marcus Banks is certainly no Steve Nash, but I'd take him over Jones in a heartbeat. It's a shame the Cavs couldn't get that one done.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Dwight Howard's First Time
Dwight Howard has his first triple double. And there's still a few minutes to go. Congrats DHowie, 17 points, 13 rebounds and 10 TURNOVERS. His fantasy owners rejoice.
On the other hand, Darko's got 14 and 16. 5 blocks so far. Someone has freed Darko. Now feel the wind that shook the parsley. Darko is gonna be a new age Ralph Sampson.
On the other hand, Darko's got 14 and 16. 5 blocks so far. Someone has freed Darko. Now feel the wind that shook the parsley. Darko is gonna be a new age Ralph Sampson.
Condolences to Big Z
I talk a lot of shit about trading the big man, but don't get it twisted; the Swagglers have nothing but love for Zydrunas Ilgauskas. What he's had to face recently, the stillbirth of his twins, is something nobody should have to deal with. The fact that it was his first children only compounds this indescribable tragedy. Our thoughts are with Z and his family as they attempt to move past this. Big props to Ilgauskas on returning to the team so quickly. It shows his level of commitment and love for the city of Cleveland. The man is a warrior, and I think I speak for all Clevelanders when I say the city wouldn't be the same without him.
Dwight Howard: Dunk Innovator
Dwight Howard is seriously taking this dunking thing to another level. No idea why he didn't do this one in the actual competish:
SportSwag Turns 100
Our 100th post. May not seem like much of an achievement, and... it's really not. Nobody loves us, everybody hates us, guess we'll go eat worms... No wait, screw y'all. The Swag is going strong after a month and a half of anonymous detractors calling us "cockgobblers" (Tim Hardaway maybe?) and low readership. We will persevere. You hear that world? The Swag will not be beaten down by everyday life. We're the fuckin' Mary Tyler Moore of sports blogs. You can't see it, but I just threw my hat in the air and freeze framed.
Sun Ming Ming
Yikes. That's a picture of the 7"9' Chinese mutant, Sun Ming Ming, palming a regulation size basketball. He is so beastly he not only can dunk without jumping, dude can dunk sitting down. Just kidding... kind of. He's a monster. He plays for the Maryland NightHawks of the ABA and scored like 8 pts and 4 rebs in his first ABA game. He hopes to play in the NBA someday, and I have bad news for him; if he can't average 130 points a night to go with 50 or 60 rebounds and 20 or so blocks, in the ABA, he can't even be Yao's ball warmer (and I don't mean basketball) in the NBA. He does, however, have a bright future in feline tree rescue services. Also, he's in Rush Hour 3 and fights Chris Tucker. The only way they're making that victory for Tucker look believable is if he flies a helicopter into Sun.
Swag at the Movies
The Oscars were boring. Same as last year, same as next year. Let's hear about this year's travesties. Scorcese gets his Oscar for a remake that's not even as good as the original, that's not even his best movie, that's not even in his top 5 movies, and that's not even in this year's top 5 movies. Forest Whitaker gets an Oscar for playing a role that he had not one, but two blueprints for (1)Idi Amin, 2) the incomparable Yaphet Kotto playing Idi Amin) while arguably the greatest actor of all time remains unrewarded for 40+ years of classics. Peter O'Toole without an Oscar should be on the UN's docket of human rights abuses. The man was Lawrence of Arabia, Lord Jim, Mr. Chips, King Henry II (twice), amongst other brilliant roles. He deserved statuettes for The Ruling Class, The Lion in Winter, Beckett and The Stunt Man, and his 8 nominations and consolation lifetime achievement Oscar will have to do. Criminal. I'm not advocating giving out the award to make up for past misses, but this year didn't even feature any runaway legendary performances. My biggest surprise was that The Prestige had 0 nominations. Not acceptable. In other movie news, I rented Crossover, the movie about underground streetball tournaments for money. Think White Men Can't Jump, meets Walter Hill's Crossroads on the And1 Tour. Worst movie I've ever seen. I don't even mean that in a loose hyperbolic sense. It was honestly the blurst movie ever. It did feature Wayne Brady, and a couple nasty dunks. But other than that, it didn't even feature that much street balling. And the acting was so bad, they might as well have just had real And1 guys act in it. Hot Sauce was in it, and was not any worse than any of the other actors. Atrocious.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Vlad Rad: X-Treme Idiot
Yahoo Sports is reporting that Vlad Radmanovic was bullshitting the Lakers when he told them he separated his shoulder slipping on a patch of ice... kinda. He did slip on some ice, he just neglected to mention he was on a snowboard at the time. I sort of feel sorry for him. First he gets no love in Seattle after being a breakout stud and propelling them to an improbable division title. Then he gets no love in Cliptown despite... being, um, okay well he didn't deserve any love there. Then he crosses town to the Lakers, and fizzles. Every aspect of the team improved; Kobe, Odom, Bynum, Walton, Parker, even Turiaf. They started winning games like gangbusters, and Radman was left behind. Now with his stock as low as ever, with Phil Jackson, he goes for a vacashe and racks his shoulder. I would've lied about it too. Can you imagine the death stare he must've gotten from PhilJ when he showed up with a cast? And in his defense, people should be allowed to do what they want when they're off the clock. If Vlad wants to endanger his career, his talent, and his reputation by zipping around on a scrap of plastic in the snow like an idiot, more power to him.
Oh My Sweet Lord! Words Can't Describe the Brilliance...
I don't know what this is, but leave it to the maniacs behind Basketbawful to find this clutch gem. It appears to me as if there's like a whole sub-culture of homemade video game mash-ups. Just like when Danger Mouse mainstreamed mash-ups by laying Jay Z on top of the Beatles. It seems like ever since then, people are suddenly fascinated by the possibilities of laying one song on top of another. As if the concept of two songs in the same key sounding good on top of each other is really that mystifying. At any rate, this is so much more brilliant, because it's not as obvious, easy and basically self explanatory. This isn't a DJ playing 2 records at the same time, this is people creating something. They're using a program called RPG Builder, so don't marvel at their programming abilities, just marvel at the genius. A dude known only as Chef Boyardee has created what might be the best concept ever: he mashed up Charles Barkley's SNES title, Shut Up and Jam! with Final Fantasy. You get to be Charles Barkley, and you stalk the post-apocalyptic wastelands of a basketball-less future antagonizing, battling and chit chatting with all sorts of mutants, monsters, wizards and hall-of-famers. The result is pure hilacrity:
I am absolutely downloading this game and playing it post haste. If I wasn't so computer illiterate, I'd make my own... Stay tuned as I consider doing it despite my technological limitations. And be sure to watch the priceless trailer for the game.
I am absolutely downloading this game and playing it post haste. If I wasn't so computer illiterate, I'd make my own... Stay tuned as I consider doing it despite my technological limitations. And be sure to watch the priceless trailer for the game.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Dennis Johnson, R.I.P.
Rare moment of seriousness:
A great player and, by all accounts, great guy, Dennis "DJ" Johnson collapsed today and died on the court with his team, the Austin Toros of the NBADL, that he coached. He was only 52.
He had career averages of 14 points, 4 rebounds and 5 assists, over the course of an stellar 14 year career. He won 3 NBA titles, 1 with the Sonics and 2 as an instrumental force on the powerhouse Celtics teams of the '80s. He went to 5 all star games and was MVP of the '79 finals he won with Seattle. Larry Bird called him "...the best I've ever played with..." Amongst his greatest moments was the famous winning layup off Bird's now legendary steal of Isiah Thomas' inbound pass to beat the Pistons in game 5 of the 1987 the Eastern Conference Finals.
This is a huge loss for both the Celtics and the NBA. Our condolences go out to his family in this difficult time.
A great player and, by all accounts, great guy, Dennis "DJ" Johnson collapsed today and died on the court with his team, the Austin Toros of the NBADL, that he coached. He was only 52.
He had career averages of 14 points, 4 rebounds and 5 assists, over the course of an stellar 14 year career. He won 3 NBA titles, 1 with the Sonics and 2 as an instrumental force on the powerhouse Celtics teams of the '80s. He went to 5 all star games and was MVP of the '79 finals he won with Seattle. Larry Bird called him "...the best I've ever played with..." Amongst his greatest moments was the famous winning layup off Bird's now legendary steal of Isiah Thomas' inbound pass to beat the Pistons in game 5 of the 1987 the Eastern Conference Finals.
This is a huge loss for both the Celtics and the NBA. Our condolences go out to his family in this difficult time.
Blurst Trade Deadline Ever!
Well, it came and went. The only moves were Anthony Johnson to Atlanta for a 2nd round pick and Juan Dixon to Toronto for Fred Jones. Bestill my frantically beating heart. No Bibby, Kidd or Carter movement. No Magette, Artest or Pau trades. No 'Shard Lewis to the Knicks. No anything. I am thoroughly disappointante. I was looking for a blockbuster. Maybe the off season will bring more excitement. For now, though, it's back to the grind. Only about 30 games left to go until the real season starts. I have a feeling the playoffs this year will be excellent. The top 5 seeds in the West will all be title contenders, and all 8 seeds in the east will be contenders to be the team that gets humiliated in the finals. I wouldn't mind seeing the Cavs, or Raptors, get swept in 4 by San Antone. Speaking of which, I have a scary premonition that San Antonio is not only gonna cut a bloody swathe through the West playoffs, but will dismantle some very good teams in the process. As good as Dallas looks right now, I think last year was a chance they'll never get back. It's gonna be an even more difficult road (if that's possible) for them to get to the big show this year...
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Daryl Hannah, We Hardly Knew Ye...
Why the title that suggests she's dead? 'Cause she's dead to me. I never found her attractive, ever, at any point in my life. Even during the golden years, Splash and Roxanne, she still had the face of a horse and a body to match. She can't act, although she was good in Clan of the Cave Bear, and excellent in Blade Runner, but she was painful to watch in Kill Bill, even when she wasn't kicking ass. All that said, I still had no reason to disrespect her... until this:
http://www.tmz.com/2007/02/21/daryl-hannah-surrenders-to-nobody/
Why I was on TMZ.com is anybody's guess, but jeezel, when will actors realize that they're worthless as human beings and just stick to acting?
http://www.tmz.com/2007/02/21/daryl-hannah-surrenders-to-nobody/
Why I was on TMZ.com is anybody's guess, but jeezel, when will actors realize that they're worthless as human beings and just stick to acting?
Best Case Scenario: 3 Way Deal Brings Bibby to Cleveland, Here's How it Would Look...
As I just posted, ESPN is reporting that a Cavs deal for Bibby could be announced any second, with Minnesota as the 3rd team in talks. Here's a deal I put together that not only works financially under the Collective Bargaining Agreement, and not only is a great deal for Cleveland, but also a sweet deal for everyone involved (remember to click on it to look at it in the Trade Machine):
Cleveland sends Ira Newble to Sacto and Larry Hughes to Minnesota. Minnesota sends Mike James and Eddie Griffin to Sacto, and Marko Jaric to Cleveland. Sacto sends Mike Bibby to Cleveland.
Why it works: Minnesota gets to unload 2 of their biggest busts, Mike James & Marko Jaric, who both have nasty contracts. And all it costs them is the mildly valuable expiring deal on Eddie Griffin. They get Larry Hughes, and who knows, maybe the combo of Hughes, Foye, Garnett, Davis and Blount can get the Wolves into the playoffs and stave off the Garnett departure for another year. Sacto gets Mike James, to replace Bibby at the point, and $6 million in salary cap relief (actually 12 mil since they're over the luxury tax line) in the expiring contracts of Newble and Griffin. The Cavs get Mike Bibby, a monster upgrade at PG, and Marko Jaric, who I still believe can be a valuable contributor. Most importantly, they pass off Hughes' hot potato contract, and get the shake up that could jump start their stagnant season.
Why it doesn't: What is Minnesota, retarded? Even Kevin McHale, who by all accounts is a shitty GM, isn't likely to pay Larry Hughes 13 million per year to be less productive than Ricky Davis(who costs roughly half as much), and spend half the year on the Injured Reserve. Not to mention, despite the salary relief, what would possess Geoff Petrie to make him think Mike James somehow makes his team better than Mike Bibby? That's just crazy talk. And finally, by locking themselves up in even more salary, and kissing off one of their valuable expiring contracts, the Cavs all but insure they won't be able to afford Anderson Varejao, this summer, when he comes for the re-up.
Just for fun(with a hint of maybe?): Peep this trade!!!!! Woah, I just got chills thinking of the possibilities. The Cavs get KG and Bibby? And the weird part is, it's not really a bad deal for either Sacto or Minnesota. The Kings get Mike James to replace Bibby along with some expiring deals, 2 great prospects (Pavlo and Varejao) and some perimeter shooting assistance in Damon Jones. The Wolves get Hughes, again not optimal, but also the great bargain in Gooden to replace KG, and 2 mil in relief from Pollard's expiring deal. Not to mention they get rid of James, which for them is pretty attractive.
Progs: Cavs get Bibby in a 3 way(don't worry, 2 chicks, 1 dude), but are stuck with Larry Hughes, and forced to give up Varejao. I am, predictably, not too pleased.
Cleveland sends Ira Newble to Sacto and Larry Hughes to Minnesota. Minnesota sends Mike James and Eddie Griffin to Sacto, and Marko Jaric to Cleveland. Sacto sends Mike Bibby to Cleveland.
Why it works: Minnesota gets to unload 2 of their biggest busts, Mike James & Marko Jaric, who both have nasty contracts. And all it costs them is the mildly valuable expiring deal on Eddie Griffin. They get Larry Hughes, and who knows, maybe the combo of Hughes, Foye, Garnett, Davis and Blount can get the Wolves into the playoffs and stave off the Garnett departure for another year. Sacto gets Mike James, to replace Bibby at the point, and $6 million in salary cap relief (actually 12 mil since they're over the luxury tax line) in the expiring contracts of Newble and Griffin. The Cavs get Mike Bibby, a monster upgrade at PG, and Marko Jaric, who I still believe can be a valuable contributor. Most importantly, they pass off Hughes' hot potato contract, and get the shake up that could jump start their stagnant season.
Why it doesn't: What is Minnesota, retarded? Even Kevin McHale, who by all accounts is a shitty GM, isn't likely to pay Larry Hughes 13 million per year to be less productive than Ricky Davis(who costs roughly half as much), and spend half the year on the Injured Reserve. Not to mention, despite the salary relief, what would possess Geoff Petrie to make him think Mike James somehow makes his team better than Mike Bibby? That's just crazy talk. And finally, by locking themselves up in even more salary, and kissing off one of their valuable expiring contracts, the Cavs all but insure they won't be able to afford Anderson Varejao, this summer, when he comes for the re-up.
Just for fun(with a hint of maybe?): Peep this trade!!!!! Woah, I just got chills thinking of the possibilities. The Cavs get KG and Bibby? And the weird part is, it's not really a bad deal for either Sacto or Minnesota. The Kings get Mike James to replace Bibby along with some expiring deals, 2 great prospects (Pavlo and Varejao) and some perimeter shooting assistance in Damon Jones. The Wolves get Hughes, again not optimal, but also the great bargain in Gooden to replace KG, and 2 mil in relief from Pollard's expiring deal. Not to mention they get rid of James, which for them is pretty attractive.
Progs: Cavs get Bibby in a 3 way(don't worry, 2 chicks, 1 dude), but are stuck with Larry Hughes, and forced to give up Varejao. I am, predictably, not too pleased.
Interesting Tidbit
Over the last 5 games Dwight Howard is remarkably shooting a higher field goal percentage than free throw percentage. Let me put that in perspective: Howard's so beastly in the post, he has an easier time putting the rock in the hole from 5-10 feet with 3 dudes in his face than he does taking his time with no defense from 15 feet. Now Shaq's career FG% is higher than his FT%, but it's not as much of a feat, when you're a career 52% shooter from the charity stripe. What makes Howard's last 5 games so special, is that his FT% (over those 5) is actually almost a full 10% higher than his season average as well, check this: 76%FG on 14 attempts, 71% FT on 8 attempts. Unfortunately his TOs are up over 5 per night during the same stretch, still you have to start liking DHowie as much or more than Bosh with these numbers and I love Bosh.
Swag Brag, Vol. 1
This'll be a new feature at SportSwag, where I take out the time, each week, to brag about how I was right about something. This could be anything from how I said early on that The Prestige would blow The Illusionist off the screen (and make no mistake, The Illusionist was a steaming pile of crap, and The Prestige was, flat out, one of the best movies I've ever seen) to how I once said that Britney Spears would be a washed up meth addict sooner rather than later. Mostly it will be sports stuff. I'm never wrong. I can't speak for the other Swagglers, but the Cap'n always makes it happen. Anyway, our first edition of Swag Brag, is Gay-er than John Amaechi:
Back on January 22, I picked Rudy Gay to be the surprise impact studler of this year's draft class. Remember? I said he was the most intriguing, with the biggest upside, despite his weak play. Furthermore, I said he'd be doing 6 rebounds, a block, steal and trey per game, and over 30 minutes a night by the All Star Break. How'd I do? Check is line over the last 5 games before the break, and the one game since:
Avg. over last 6 Games: 32 minutes, 19 pts, 6 rebs, 2 assists, 1 stl, 1.5 blks, 2.5 treys, 1 TO, 54% FG, 89% FT
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! The Cap'n has earned his dinner tonight bitches! Granted the Grizz are still 2-4 in those 6 games, but still... Gay baby, Gay.
Back on January 22, I picked Rudy Gay to be the surprise impact studler of this year's draft class. Remember? I said he was the most intriguing, with the biggest upside, despite his weak play. Furthermore, I said he'd be doing 6 rebounds, a block, steal and trey per game, and over 30 minutes a night by the All Star Break. How'd I do? Check is line over the last 5 games before the break, and the one game since:
Avg. over last 6 Games: 32 minutes, 19 pts, 6 rebs, 2 assists, 1 stl, 1.5 blks, 2.5 treys, 1 TO, 54% FG, 89% FT
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! The Cap'n has earned his dinner tonight bitches! Granted the Grizz are still 2-4 in those 6 games, but still... Gay baby, Gay.
The Deadline Approaches...
It's trade deadline time...
From ESPN:
Bibby going to Cleveland, however, remains a possibility. The Cavs lack the trade assets to complete a trade for Bibby, but one scenario in circulation Tuesday had Minnesota joining in on a three-team deal that would potentially send Mike James, among others, to Sacramento as Bibby's successor at the point.
And also this:
The Cleveland Cavaliers have been trying to get in the mix on Kidd, too, and apparently are willing to discuss everyone on the roster outside of LeBron James.
A package of Larry Hughes and Anderson Varejao would be something the Nets would have to consider, although the consensus in front offices around the league is that Hughes would be worth taking a chance on only if his contract were half as big as it actually is.
Another factor working against the Cavs: They do not have a No. 1 pick in the upcoming draft to trade, having shipped it off for Jiri Welsch two years ago.
Woo smokies, I would love to see JKidd in a Cleveland jersey. Actually, I wouldn't mind Bibby in Cleveland jersey. The question in this tradular game of Russian roulette is, who pulls the trigger on a loaded 13 million dollar Larry Hughes?
From ESPN:
Bibby going to Cleveland, however, remains a possibility. The Cavs lack the trade assets to complete a trade for Bibby, but one scenario in circulation Tuesday had Minnesota joining in on a three-team deal that would potentially send Mike James, among others, to Sacramento as Bibby's successor at the point.
And also this:
The Cleveland Cavaliers have been trying to get in the mix on Kidd, too, and apparently are willing to discuss everyone on the roster outside of LeBron James.
A package of Larry Hughes and Anderson Varejao would be something the Nets would have to consider, although the consensus in front offices around the league is that Hughes would be worth taking a chance on only if his contract were half as big as it actually is.
Another factor working against the Cavs: They do not have a No. 1 pick in the upcoming draft to trade, having shipped it off for Jiri Welsch two years ago.
Woo smokies, I would love to see JKidd in a Cleveland jersey. Actually, I wouldn't mind Bibby in Cleveland jersey. The question in this tradular game of Russian roulette is, who pulls the trigger on a loaded 13 million dollar Larry Hughes?
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Krappy Kerr
Check Kerr's newest article. I didn't even read it, to be honest, but who needs to read it to know what it is. Steve's monthly statement of the obvious, basically ranking the teams based on who's been best most recently, which basically means the biggest changes from week to week is who he's calling #1, Dallas or Phoenix. But all that's neither here nor there, this is; if I have to suffer through one more of Kerr's high school journalism article titles, I'm gonna flip out. "Dominant Dallas." And on top of that, he starts the article with 3 miles of painful alliteration. Daring. Daunting. Despicable. Dipshit. Peep some of his other recent classics; "Simply Mav-alous," "Baron is the Barometer," "I Love LA," (nice Randy Newman reference), "Deja Vu in Detroit." Look, I did some writing for a newspaper, not the NY Times, but a respectable rag. I wrote the articles and the editor came up with the headlines. So I can dig that maybe, just maybe, he didn't come up with this. But I'm not sure this is the case, because Yahoo Sports doesn't seem to assign moronic titles to anyone else. Maybe it's the editor's way of quietly asserting what I have loudly asserted for years: Steve Kerr's a hack... who could drain 'em from downtown.
PS My title was a joke, get it? Krappy Kerr... huh... me clever...
PS My title was a joke, get it? Krappy Kerr... huh... me clever...
Get Carter
Is Vince leaving New Jersey?
The short answer is yes. The long answer is a little cloudier, but still basically "yes." I would bet the farm Vince Carter gets traded, either by the deadline, or in a sign & trade deal this off season. The thing is he's an expensive malcontent, one who can ball, no doubt about that, but a malcontent nonetheless. Also it's become evident that he can't make the Nets win. If a squad featuring JKidd, Vin, Dick Jefferson and Nenad "Can I Buy a Vowel?" Krstic can't win games, they need to blow it up. Oddly enough, that core did win last year. A lot. In fact, with the steep learning curve Krstic has been on, the rejuvenated play of Kidd and Carter and the rugged all around game of Jefferson, many had the Nets as a title contender this year. Those plans were derailed by the injuries to Krstic and Jefferson, and have the Nets battling the Knicks for the right to be called worse than the Raptors but better than the Sixers or Celtics. Not really much to brag about.
Now New Jersey's got lots of options. They're shopping both Carter and Kidd to anyone who'll listen. The offers back for Kidd have been paltry, and they're not likely to get anything sexier for Carter. At the end of this season, Carter can opt out of his contract and walk away amicably. As we learned from Mark Cuban, this isn't necessarily bad for the Nets. In a free agent rich off season, the Nets would be happy to let Carter walk and then attempt to re-direct his 16 million dollar salary at a stud who's been unleashed and taking bids. Unfortunately this is not a free agent rich market, this off season will not feature an overabundance of guys worth sinking serious loot into. It could; Rashard Lewis, Chauncey Billups, Antawn Jamison, Gerald Wallace and Mike Bibby all have opt out clauses similar to Carter's and could become free agents if they wanted to. But other than Orlando & Charlotte (and potentially Chicago) no team has got the bread to throw at them, so there's not much chance any of these guys are changing teams, without a trade happening, in the near future. Carter's situation is slightly different, because he's got a vested interest in going to either of those 2 teams with significant bank. Carter's family lives in the Florida-Carolina region, and he owns, amongst other things, a house down there. That's why this little snippet from Brian Schmitz at the Orlando Sentinel comes as no surprise... if it's true:
Then there was the talk that TNT, following Dwight Howard around, might have intercepted some dialogue between Carter and Howard that indicated VC might become magic property before the trade deadline.
If that's true my first question is: why the hell hasn't TNT made this little gold nugget known to the public? That's a frickin' page 1 exclusive. Regardless of the truth, or Otis Smith's firm denials, the concept of Orlando trading Grant Hill's expiring contract for Vince's services is almost too good to be true. Orlando talks a lot of yang about wanting to keep Grant Hill, but I can't believe they really mean it enough to pass on the versatile scoring threat (they desperately need) in Carter. Can you imagine a more lethal starting line than this? C- Darko, PF-Dwight Howard, SG/SF- Hedo Turkoglu, SG/SF- Vince Carter, PG- Jam Nelson. I'd have to call them favorites in the east with a line like that, and the best part is they don't have to give up instrumental bench guys like Dooling, Diener, Arroyo, Reddick and Battie to make it happen. I can't fathom why Magic GM Otis Smith is against such a deal, other than Vince's tradition of underachieving teams. And honestly this is actually the only reasonable thing standing in the way of a deal for Vince; Vince himself.
The short answer is yes. The long answer is a little cloudier, but still basically "yes." I would bet the farm Vince Carter gets traded, either by the deadline, or in a sign & trade deal this off season. The thing is he's an expensive malcontent, one who can ball, no doubt about that, but a malcontent nonetheless. Also it's become evident that he can't make the Nets win. If a squad featuring JKidd, Vin, Dick Jefferson and Nenad "Can I Buy a Vowel?" Krstic can't win games, they need to blow it up. Oddly enough, that core did win last year. A lot. In fact, with the steep learning curve Krstic has been on, the rejuvenated play of Kidd and Carter and the rugged all around game of Jefferson, many had the Nets as a title contender this year. Those plans were derailed by the injuries to Krstic and Jefferson, and have the Nets battling the Knicks for the right to be called worse than the Raptors but better than the Sixers or Celtics. Not really much to brag about.
Now New Jersey's got lots of options. They're shopping both Carter and Kidd to anyone who'll listen. The offers back for Kidd have been paltry, and they're not likely to get anything sexier for Carter. At the end of this season, Carter can opt out of his contract and walk away amicably. As we learned from Mark Cuban, this isn't necessarily bad for the Nets. In a free agent rich off season, the Nets would be happy to let Carter walk and then attempt to re-direct his 16 million dollar salary at a stud who's been unleashed and taking bids. Unfortunately this is not a free agent rich market, this off season will not feature an overabundance of guys worth sinking serious loot into. It could; Rashard Lewis, Chauncey Billups, Antawn Jamison, Gerald Wallace and Mike Bibby all have opt out clauses similar to Carter's and could become free agents if they wanted to. But other than Orlando & Charlotte (and potentially Chicago) no team has got the bread to throw at them, so there's not much chance any of these guys are changing teams, without a trade happening, in the near future. Carter's situation is slightly different, because he's got a vested interest in going to either of those 2 teams with significant bank. Carter's family lives in the Florida-Carolina region, and he owns, amongst other things, a house down there. That's why this little snippet from Brian Schmitz at the Orlando Sentinel comes as no surprise... if it's true:
Then there was the talk that TNT, following Dwight Howard around, might have intercepted some dialogue between Carter and Howard that indicated VC might become magic property before the trade deadline.
If that's true my first question is: why the hell hasn't TNT made this little gold nugget known to the public? That's a frickin' page 1 exclusive. Regardless of the truth, or Otis Smith's firm denials, the concept of Orlando trading Grant Hill's expiring contract for Vince's services is almost too good to be true. Orlando talks a lot of yang about wanting to keep Grant Hill, but I can't believe they really mean it enough to pass on the versatile scoring threat (they desperately need) in Carter. Can you imagine a more lethal starting line than this? C- Darko, PF-Dwight Howard, SG/SF- Hedo Turkoglu, SG/SF- Vince Carter, PG- Jam Nelson. I'd have to call them favorites in the east with a line like that, and the best part is they don't have to give up instrumental bench guys like Dooling, Diener, Arroyo, Reddick and Battie to make it happen. I can't fathom why Magic GM Otis Smith is against such a deal, other than Vince's tradition of underachieving teams. And honestly this is actually the only reasonable thing standing in the way of a deal for Vince; Vince himself.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Simmons on his Game
There's a reason Bill Simmons is basically everyone's favorite sports writer, including ours here at the Swag. Brilliance like this, from his pre All Star blog:
Every ovulating groupie within a 12-hour vicinity will be making the weekend drive to Vegas to hopefully get impregnated by an NBA player -- a list that includes every hooker, stripper and jock-sniffing female between 16 and 40 from Vegas, Reno, Sacramento, San Diego, San Francisco, Oakland, Phoenix and every city and town in the Los Angeles area. To its credit, the NBA is recommending that all players wear two condoms at once, even during the day and when they're sleeping.
It's an obvious joke, and almost everyone made it, but Simmons hits it out of the park.
Every ovulating groupie within a 12-hour vicinity will be making the weekend drive to Vegas to hopefully get impregnated by an NBA player -- a list that includes every hooker, stripper and jock-sniffing female between 16 and 40 from Vegas, Reno, Sacramento, San Diego, San Francisco, Oakland, Phoenix and every city and town in the Los Angeles area. To its credit, the NBA is recommending that all players wear two condoms at once, even during the day and when they're sleeping.
It's an obvious joke, and almost everyone made it, but Simmons hits it out of the park.
Bobby Knight Sounds Off
I can't believe I'm actually about to agree with something Knight is saying. Generally I don't care much for this loudmouth jackass, but what can I tell you, he's got a great point here. Read this Knight quote, from ESPN:
"...now you can have a kid come to school for a year and play basketball and he doesn't even have to go to class. He certainly doesn't have to go to class the second semester. I'm not exactly positive about the first semester. But he would not have to attend a single class the second semester to play through the whole second semester of basketball."
Wow, good call. I never thought about it like that, but this new rule really does shit all over the NCAA's eligibility standards. What's more if a player does this, intending to jump right to the NBA draft, and then suffers some sort of setback (injury, personal, drugs, etc.) and is forced out of the draft, they've probably blown their scholarship, eligibility, or both in the process. Essentially screwing their whole career right from the start. The thing is Stern intended for this to send more players to the D-League, making it a hot-ticket item like Minor league baseball. So he wasn't really thinking of the adverse affects on NCAA standards. I think that's the only real answer; if you're gonna go straight from high school, do a year in the Development League instead of a year at college. It's arguable which would better prepare you for the NBA. The proportion of players who'll make it, at some point, to the NBA is probably about the same. But in college you'd probably run a higher probability of actually facing a future NBA star. Either way I'm shocked Knight is back in the news for giving us something interesting to ponder, rather than for throwing a chair at a toddler.
"...now you can have a kid come to school for a year and play basketball and he doesn't even have to go to class. He certainly doesn't have to go to class the second semester. I'm not exactly positive about the first semester. But he would not have to attend a single class the second semester to play through the whole second semester of basketball."
Wow, good call. I never thought about it like that, but this new rule really does shit all over the NCAA's eligibility standards. What's more if a player does this, intending to jump right to the NBA draft, and then suffers some sort of setback (injury, personal, drugs, etc.) and is forced out of the draft, they've probably blown their scholarship, eligibility, or both in the process. Essentially screwing their whole career right from the start. The thing is Stern intended for this to send more players to the D-League, making it a hot-ticket item like Minor league baseball. So he wasn't really thinking of the adverse affects on NCAA standards. I think that's the only real answer; if you're gonna go straight from high school, do a year in the Development League instead of a year at college. It's arguable which would better prepare you for the NBA. The proportion of players who'll make it, at some point, to the NBA is probably about the same. But in college you'd probably run a higher probability of actually facing a future NBA star. Either way I'm shocked Knight is back in the news for giving us something interesting to ponder, rather than for throwing a chair at a toddler.
Rubber Bibby Buggy Bumpers
Word on the street has the Cavs play for Mike Bibby rapidly turning into a full court press. With Bronny's interest dwindling, and the Cavs momentum slowed to a crawl, Danny Ferry is looking hard to give us a powerhouse point guard before the deadline. The obvious first choice is Kidd, but failing that, Mike Bibby has become the Cavs cream dream. This is good or bad news depending on what we'd have to give up to attain the Bibbinator. So here are a list of trades for Bibbs I would welcome, and some I would not (remember to click on the link to see the trade):
1. Green Light: Larry Hughes for Mike Bibby and Kevin Martin
No way in hell this trade would ever happen, for obvious reasons; first, Kevin Martin and Mike Bibby are both individually better than Larry Hughes. Secondly, they both have cheaper & shorter contracts. But a Cletown fan can dream, no? This deal would make the Cavs instant favorites to go all the way. Not to mention, Larry Hughes and Ron Artest could be an amusing combo of unrealized potential...
2. Red Light: Drew Goods, Sasha Pav, Anderson Varejao, Dan Gibson + expirers for Bibby
This is the type of trade Sacto would froth at the mouth over. They get 3 very legit prospects in Pavlovic, Gibson and the highly coveted Varejao, they get a solid boardsman in Drew Gooden and almost 3mil in expiring contracts in Scot Pollard and Dwayne Jones. This makes their team competitive, and gives them the freedom to trade 'Reef, Kenny Thomas, or both, for a new point guard. It doesn't lock them up in any obscene contracts and it doesn't send Bibby to a division rival. For the Cavs, this trade sucks from top to bottom, but we do get Bibby. Don't sweat it, no way Ferry's dumb enough to do this... maybe Billy King, definitely Isiah Thomas, but not Ferry.
3. Green Light: Z, Sasha P, Eric Snow and Pollard for Bibby and Kenny Thomas
I wouldn't mind a deal like this, and it would certainly be mutually beneficial, but the obvious hangup is why the Kings would pay Z 10 million dollars a year to be Brad Miller's back up. I'm not crazy about taking on Thomas' contract, but we'd have room for his services with Z leaving.
4. Red Light: Gooden, Marshall, Varejao, Pavlovic, Gibson + expirers for Bibby and Miller
I know what your thinking, Bibby and Miller to the Cavs? Suddenly the Cavs look awful damn intriguing, but hold on... it's not that simple. By giving up 3 expiring contracts, the Cavs pass on saving themselves 6+ million in salary next year. Additionally, they'd give up their two best prospects (Varejao & Gibson) and their 3 best role players (Gooden, Marshall and Pavlovic). What they're left with is a competitive starting line : Bibby and Hughes in the back court, Bronny, Miller and Z in the front court, no bench to speak of, and the most crippling long term salary structure in the league, featuring 5 guys at multiple seasons of +10million a piece. This trade would lodge the Cavs firmly in Knicks Luxury land for the foreseeable future. I'd love Bibby and Miller, but at what cost...
5. Green Light: All our worst players/contracts for all their best players.
This one is beyond a no-brainer: Bibby, Artest, Martin, Miller, Garcia and Salmons. All their best players. In exchange we would give up: Z, Hughes, Scot Pollard, Eric Snow, Shannon Brown, Damon Jones, David Wesley, Donyell Marshall and Dwayne Jones... in other words, the dregs of our underachievers and choke-holding contracts. This would make the Cavs the sickest team in history, imagine this starting line: Bibby and Martin in the back court, Bron, Miller and Artest in the front court, with Salmons, Varejao, Garcia, Gibson and Gooden as our second line? It would be pure murdah! I'd love it, but that would only be possible if the Maloofs ate one of those $17,000 Carl's Jr. Combos and it was laced with some sort of experimental KGB mind control serum. It could happen...
1. Green Light: Larry Hughes for Mike Bibby and Kevin Martin
No way in hell this trade would ever happen, for obvious reasons; first, Kevin Martin and Mike Bibby are both individually better than Larry Hughes. Secondly, they both have cheaper & shorter contracts. But a Cletown fan can dream, no? This deal would make the Cavs instant favorites to go all the way. Not to mention, Larry Hughes and Ron Artest could be an amusing combo of unrealized potential...
2. Red Light: Drew Goods, Sasha Pav, Anderson Varejao, Dan Gibson + expirers for Bibby
This is the type of trade Sacto would froth at the mouth over. They get 3 very legit prospects in Pavlovic, Gibson and the highly coveted Varejao, they get a solid boardsman in Drew Gooden and almost 3mil in expiring contracts in Scot Pollard and Dwayne Jones. This makes their team competitive, and gives them the freedom to trade 'Reef, Kenny Thomas, or both, for a new point guard. It doesn't lock them up in any obscene contracts and it doesn't send Bibby to a division rival. For the Cavs, this trade sucks from top to bottom, but we do get Bibby. Don't sweat it, no way Ferry's dumb enough to do this... maybe Billy King, definitely Isiah Thomas, but not Ferry.
3. Green Light: Z, Sasha P, Eric Snow and Pollard for Bibby and Kenny Thomas
I wouldn't mind a deal like this, and it would certainly be mutually beneficial, but the obvious hangup is why the Kings would pay Z 10 million dollars a year to be Brad Miller's back up. I'm not crazy about taking on Thomas' contract, but we'd have room for his services with Z leaving.
4. Red Light: Gooden, Marshall, Varejao, Pavlovic, Gibson + expirers for Bibby and Miller
I know what your thinking, Bibby and Miller to the Cavs? Suddenly the Cavs look awful damn intriguing, but hold on... it's not that simple. By giving up 3 expiring contracts, the Cavs pass on saving themselves 6+ million in salary next year. Additionally, they'd give up their two best prospects (Varejao & Gibson) and their 3 best role players (Gooden, Marshall and Pavlovic). What they're left with is a competitive starting line : Bibby and Hughes in the back court, Bronny, Miller and Z in the front court, no bench to speak of, and the most crippling long term salary structure in the league, featuring 5 guys at multiple seasons of +10million a piece. This trade would lodge the Cavs firmly in Knicks Luxury land for the foreseeable future. I'd love Bibby and Miller, but at what cost...
5. Green Light: All our worst players/contracts for all their best players.
This one is beyond a no-brainer: Bibby, Artest, Martin, Miller, Garcia and Salmons. All their best players. In exchange we would give up: Z, Hughes, Scot Pollard, Eric Snow, Shannon Brown, Damon Jones, David Wesley, Donyell Marshall and Dwayne Jones... in other words, the dregs of our underachievers and choke-holding contracts. This would make the Cavs the sickest team in history, imagine this starting line: Bibby and Martin in the back court, Bron, Miller and Artest in the front court, with Salmons, Varejao, Garcia, Gibson and Gooden as our second line? It would be pure murdah! I'd love it, but that would only be possible if the Maloofs ate one of those $17,000 Carl's Jr. Combos and it was laced with some sort of experimental KGB mind control serum. It could happen...
Bits & Pieces
Shaq: "I'm like President Bush. You may not like me, you may not respect me, but you voted me in."
Wow, Shaq's selling himself pretty short. I like and respect him way more than President Bush, and I didn't vote for either of 'em.
LeBron (when asked about staying a Cav): "You don't put all your eggs in one basket. But right now I am mentally focused on being a Cavalier and trying to win a championship."
Multiply that by Bronny throwing up Rocafella signs at the All Star game and you get a bad omen. I already hear the whispers on the winds, from the foul lands of Mordor. They say Orcs will be attacking, and LeBron will be Jay Z's employee before his current contract is up.
Chicago Tribune: "The Cavaliers are said to be very interested in signing Pippen." That's just great. Hey maybe the next garbage idea they come up with for our Point Guard woes can be another injury case like Larry Hughes... maybe they'll go after Tinsley... Don't look now... ESPN.COM 2/18: "Jamaal Tinsley is the guy I'm hearing they (Pacers) want to move. If Bibby and Kidd stay put, I can see someone (Cleveland, LAL, Miami) considering him the next best option."
Here's an innocuous little slip-in you might have missed, from VegasPop:
"The night before the all-star turnout at Body English included: Russell Simmons, Lebron James, Nick Cannon, Carmello Anthony, motorcycle stunt king Carey Hart, Suge Knight, Jaron & Jason Collins and former Hard Rock owner Harry Morton..."
I don't like Bronny hanging around Suge. And the impressionable Nick Collison could be signed to a Death Row Records contract before the week is up. Oh wait, that says Nick Cannon... he's hilarious... Imagine my shock when gunfire erupted in 2 separate incidents. Of all the stupid meaningless crap David Stern rules on all the time, he should absolutely consider adding a straight up rule prohibiting players from hanging out with Suge Knight. Which is not to say I have anything against the man... who seems very nice... and docile... and unlikely to come hunt down an innocent blogger who's seen Biggie & Tupac too many times... You know what, on second thought, forget I said anything. Suge rules...
Wow, Shaq's selling himself pretty short. I like and respect him way more than President Bush, and I didn't vote for either of 'em.
LeBron (when asked about staying a Cav): "You don't put all your eggs in one basket. But right now I am mentally focused on being a Cavalier and trying to win a championship."
Multiply that by Bronny throwing up Rocafella signs at the All Star game and you get a bad omen. I already hear the whispers on the winds, from the foul lands of Mordor. They say Orcs will be attacking, and LeBron will be Jay Z's employee before his current contract is up.
Chicago Tribune: "The Cavaliers are said to be very interested in signing Pippen." That's just great. Hey maybe the next garbage idea they come up with for our Point Guard woes can be another injury case like Larry Hughes... maybe they'll go after Tinsley... Don't look now... ESPN.COM 2/18: "Jamaal Tinsley is the guy I'm hearing they (Pacers) want to move. If Bibby and Kidd stay put, I can see someone (Cleveland, LAL, Miami) considering him the next best option."
Here's an innocuous little slip-in you might have missed, from VegasPop:
"The night before the all-star turnout at Body English included: Russell Simmons, Lebron James, Nick Cannon, Carmello Anthony, motorcycle stunt king Carey Hart, Suge Knight, Jaron & Jason Collins and former Hard Rock owner Harry Morton..."
I don't like Bronny hanging around Suge. And the impressionable Nick Collison could be signed to a Death Row Records contract before the week is up. Oh wait, that says Nick Cannon... he's hilarious... Imagine my shock when gunfire erupted in 2 separate incidents. Of all the stupid meaningless crap David Stern rules on all the time, he should absolutely consider adding a straight up rule prohibiting players from hanging out with Suge Knight. Which is not to say I have anything against the man... who seems very nice... and docile... and unlikely to come hunt down an innocent blogger who's seen Biggie & Tupac too many times... You know what, on second thought, forget I said anything. Suge rules...
Remember This?
I was watching this game, and what the video doesn't show is two plays later, Antonio Daniels got sweet revenge on AI. In fact, Daniels' move is damn near as baller as AI's. Nonetheless, here is the priceless video of the Answer compound fracturing Antonio Daniels' ankles in a regular season game from last year.
Woah! Multiple Shootings at All Star Weekend in Vegas
Color me sarcastically shocked. What the deuce was expected from a giant NBA party in Vegas? God I wish I could've gone. I think WWTDD captures it best:
What Would Tyler Durden Do?
What Would Tyler Durden Do?
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
Almost the Greatest Thing Ever
Paris Hilton was in Austria, presumably to be a complete mental defective in front of a foreign audience. Someone had to cash in, so she was also signing autographs, though I can't for the life of me imagine why someone would want Paris' autograph, or what they'd even do with it. At any rate, the people start throwing stuff at her and she has to be escorted off stage. Unfortunately, as my hero over at What Would Tyler Durden Do points out, the hecklers were too stupid to throw anything worthwhile at her, like a heavy rock or a handful of M-80s. It was almost awesome...
For the Record
Dwyane Wade's first name is spelled: D-W-Y-A-N-E. This may come as a shock to the 900,677,876 sports writers who routinely spell it D-W-A-Y-N-E. In their defense, why the hell would anyone spell it the other way? The way it's spelled, it should be pronounced DWEE-ah-NEE, or even, DWHY-ane. No wonder Wade's got such a chip on his shoulder. My birth name was Lakahisha Jenkins-O'Reilly, and it only motivated me to succeed...
Pippen Ain't Easy
According to the Chicago Tribune, Scottie Pippen is coming back to the NBA. As a coach? As a GM? As a mascot? Nope. He's back to play. Pip says he wants to play for a contender, and at the age of 41, apparently there's no shortage of teams ready to give him a shot. Imagine my shock when the Cavs were listed as the 2nd or 3rd most likely to land the legend. Of course the Bulls are in the mix, and the Lakers have to be strong contenders. Oddly I have this strange feeling he might end up in Utah. Don't ask me why, I just have this premonish. Pippen claims he's in the best shape he's been in 5 years. Well, 5 years ago he was washed up. But I'd still love to see him return and make a difference for someone... just not the Cavs. The last thing we need is to stick a piece of gum on the leak in our ship. Why have Pip play Point Forward when we could have Bron just do it himself. If we're giving up on the hunt for a true point guard, I'd rather see Bron bring it up or even Hughes. Let's see how it all pans out.
Progs: Pippen gets signed by the Jazz: Pippen flourishes, playing about 15-20 minutes per night and lending much needed leadership and age to the Jazz. Sloan falls in love with him and cuts Deron Williams. Jazz get knocked out in the Conference Finals by either Phoenix, San Antonio or Dallas.
Pippen gets signed by the Cavs: Cavs go on a 24 game losing streak, miss the playoffs and Pippen re-retires.
Pippen gets signed by the Bulls: They still can't beat the Cavs, Pistons, Heat or Wizards in the playoffs.
Pippen gets signed by the Lakers: Pippen flourishes, Lakers get knocked out in the Conference Semi Finals by either the Jazz, Suns, Spurs, Mavs or Rockets... but they do take it to 7 games.
Progs: Pippen gets signed by the Jazz: Pippen flourishes, playing about 15-20 minutes per night and lending much needed leadership and age to the Jazz. Sloan falls in love with him and cuts Deron Williams. Jazz get knocked out in the Conference Finals by either Phoenix, San Antonio or Dallas.
Pippen gets signed by the Cavs: Cavs go on a 24 game losing streak, miss the playoffs and Pippen re-retires.
Pippen gets signed by the Bulls: They still can't beat the Cavs, Pistons, Heat or Wizards in the playoffs.
Pippen gets signed by the Lakers: Pippen flourishes, Lakers get knocked out in the Conference Semi Finals by either the Jazz, Suns, Spurs, Mavs or Rockets... but they do take it to 7 games.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
The Tale Of The Tape
Today's post will be about the upcoming run off between reigning bag of bones Dick Bavetta and Master of the Classless, Charles Barkley. Let's face it people, they are both old, out of the game, and deserve to be retired. Not to retire, but be retired by somebody else.
Bavetta has been a personal bane of mine for a while now. His failing eyesight and slow reaction time have caused multiple teams to be expelled in the playoffs, not to mention the multiple atrocities committed upon the regular season.
Barkley, another personal bane, will not give the Cavs any credit, no matter what their record, who plays for them, or what kinda of hope they bring to Cleveland.
The call?
It's so hard to pick one over the other given that I hate them both so much. If Dwyane Wade was on the ticket, I'd pick him to lose, but I don't have that luxury. Instead here is my pick:
Barkley wins the contest in 15 minutes (for a mere 235 feet). 7 Minutes in (before either hits the far baseline) Bavetta is distracted when somebody glances in Dwyane Wade's direction. He runs away from the course to call the non-existent foul, completely forgetting he's in a race, drawn to the mystical non-foulness of DWade. Barkley tries to capitalize, yet falls and breaks both knees, after Kevin Johnson preemptively greased his side of the floor. Bavetta and Barkley both crawl to the finish line, only to have Bavetta's heart fail. Barkley wins in a gain for us all, Bavetta is dead, never to judge anyone or anything again. Barkley is humbled by the experience becoming a hermit for the rest of his life.
Let's all pray for this,
Slop
Bavetta has been a personal bane of mine for a while now. His failing eyesight and slow reaction time have caused multiple teams to be expelled in the playoffs, not to mention the multiple atrocities committed upon the regular season.
Barkley, another personal bane, will not give the Cavs any credit, no matter what their record, who plays for them, or what kinda of hope they bring to Cleveland.
The call?
It's so hard to pick one over the other given that I hate them both so much. If Dwyane Wade was on the ticket, I'd pick him to lose, but I don't have that luxury. Instead here is my pick:
Barkley wins the contest in 15 minutes (for a mere 235 feet). 7 Minutes in (before either hits the far baseline) Bavetta is distracted when somebody glances in Dwyane Wade's direction. He runs away from the course to call the non-existent foul, completely forgetting he's in a race, drawn to the mystical non-foulness of DWade. Barkley tries to capitalize, yet falls and breaks both knees, after Kevin Johnson preemptively greased his side of the floor. Bavetta and Barkley both crawl to the finish line, only to have Bavetta's heart fail. Barkley wins in a gain for us all, Bavetta is dead, never to judge anyone or anything again. Barkley is humbled by the experience becoming a hermit for the rest of his life.
Let's all pray for this,
Slop
Dunk Contest
Since I ramped up to how much I loved Amare's dunks in '05, here's a great recap video of the whole contest. And holy crap, Josh Smith knows how to dunk a ball.
Dwight Howard
I know this is a week late, but since it was pretty much the sickest game winner I've ever seen, I had to post the video.
For some reason, people think he won't be ridiculous in the dunk competish. Personally I can't wait to see what he's got up his sleeve. If it's anything even half as awesome and innovative as Amare's dunks from 2 years ago, it'll be a show. I also wouldn't mind a shattered backboard.
For some reason, people think he won't be ridiculous in the dunk competish. Personally I can't wait to see what he's got up his sleeve. If it's anything even half as awesome and innovative as Amare's dunks from 2 years ago, it'll be a show. I also wouldn't mind a shattered backboard.
Tim Hardaway is a Jackhole
Hardaway said some pretty awful stuff about gay people on a radio show yesterday. Tim Hardaway is a moron. I also have the distinct feeling that the only gay dudes he's ever seen are the dudes on Will and Grace. Which may explain why he's not more afraid of pissing off the gay community. He should come visit San Francisco some time. Living here has re-enforced one thing more than anything about homosexuals; there are as many different types of gay dude, as there are gay dudes. He should take a stroll down the Castro here in SF, and maybe get the beating of a lifetime from one of the many musclebound ass-kickers, who happen to be gay, who frequent the neighborhood. Maybe he could try out his, "Well, you know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States. So yeah, I don't like it." See how that goes over. I'd give my right nut to see Tim Hardaway try the killer crossover on a killer crossdresser from the Bay Area. I have a feeling he'd get his ass stomped. Kind of like his last comeback attempt. If this dude hadn't dished the rock so beautifully to Chris Mullin, he'd already be written off as a scumbag. Well allow me; Tim Hardaway's a scumbag.
Beyond Priceless: the Pwning of Mencia
This is a rare non-sports post. It just warmed my heart so much, I had to share it with you.
I have never been a huge fan of Joe Rogan as an actor. When he was on that crappy short lived comedy about the baseball team, Hardball, it was all just painfully awful. I loved News Radio, but he was the worst character on it, and that's saying a lot. Andy Dick was on that show. The Man Show lost whatever tiny bit of funniness it had when he took over, although it could've been that assbag Doug Stanhope. I have heard that he is funny as a stand up comedian, I have never seen it, but it's gotta be better than his acting. Carlos Mencia on the other hand is just 100% awful. That dude is the flat out worst comedian who's ever been. His show sucks, his stand up sucks, everything about him sucks. Ironically, he's not a bad actor, he was pretty good in this 1 episode of The Shield. At any rate, I hate Mencia. He's garbage, and you just have to watch this video, as Rogan absolutely demolishes Mencia on stage. Apparently Mencia's a joke thief, and Rogan conclusively proves it right in front of everyone. Mencia looks like he's gonna cry. Imagine Earl Boykins and Nate Robinson playing 2 on 2 with LeBron and KG. Priceless.
I have never been a huge fan of Joe Rogan as an actor. When he was on that crappy short lived comedy about the baseball team, Hardball, it was all just painfully awful. I loved News Radio, but he was the worst character on it, and that's saying a lot. Andy Dick was on that show. The Man Show lost whatever tiny bit of funniness it had when he took over, although it could've been that assbag Doug Stanhope. I have heard that he is funny as a stand up comedian, I have never seen it, but it's gotta be better than his acting. Carlos Mencia on the other hand is just 100% awful. That dude is the flat out worst comedian who's ever been. His show sucks, his stand up sucks, everything about him sucks. Ironically, he's not a bad actor, he was pretty good in this 1 episode of The Shield. At any rate, I hate Mencia. He's garbage, and you just have to watch this video, as Rogan absolutely demolishes Mencia on stage. Apparently Mencia's a joke thief, and Rogan conclusively proves it right in front of everyone. Mencia looks like he's gonna cry. Imagine Earl Boykins and Nate Robinson playing 2 on 2 with LeBron and KG. Priceless.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Meaningless Conjecture
I am into appeasement. Au, our only loyal reader, requested this, and I am ready to appease. Consider me the France of bloggers. Au pondered if Z's personal reasons for skipping the Cavs coming road trip are related to the fact that the Cavs would probably trade him for three twinkies and a roll of nickles at this point, as if anyone would ever offer that much. Harsh? Maybe. And I love Big Z, but for +9 mil a year he can get busy on the boards or get busy on my nuts. That may have been crude and blunt, but you don't want a 44Mil albatross around yer neck only to find that the "start" of his rapid decline is like the deepest valley of Shaq's decline. Z went from All-Star, to elite non-allstar Big Man, to waiver wire fodder like he was Erick Dampier after signing a contract. And Damp's post money decline was so fast he went back in time and got to prevent his parents from not meeting and falling in love. So here are some possible trade opportunes for the Cavs to unload the most famous Z since the Gay Blade (that isn't a homophobic dig, it's a movie reference you gutter-minded illiterates...):
1. Z and Drew Gooden to Minnesota for KG
More precisely; Z, Drew Gooden, Sasha Pavlovic, Scot Pollard, David Wesley, Dwayne Jones and Ira Newble to Minnesota for KG and Marko Jaric.
Why it works: On the face this looks like a total rip off for the Wolves, but step back and think about it. KG's gonna force a trade this off season, so what do they want out of it? It's rebuilding time, so they want to shave payroll, bring in a prospect or two and unload disgruntled employees with big contracts, but not to division (or even conference) rivals. In this they've found a perfect mate in the Cavs. We give them Pollard, Jones and Newble, (all in expiring contracts) which is like a free 6 million dollar write off. They get Wesley, cheap & with only one year to go on his contract, and still a potential contributor. They get Sasha, a budding prospect, but also in an expiring deal, so they can either re-sign or set him free for additional loot. They get back 2 very marketable and accomplished Big men in Z and Goodies for a 7 million dollar discount on KG and they get to unload one of their 3 disgruntled and expensive point guards. Actually the most expensive and disgruntled of the three, at that, in Marko Jaric. For the Cavs trouble, they get locked up in pricey contracts unto the apocalypse, but they also get to sport the 2 best players in the world, and get an upgrade at the point who can play and cover multiple positions. Granted, not the dream return on one of the greatest players to ever play the game, but it's better than being forced to dish him for another ultra expensive star who won't get them any closer to contention.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000,000,000
2. Z and Larry Hughes for Jason Kidd and Jason Collins
Why it works: This one is way less insane, I'd even describe it as a real possibility. New Jersey is looking to unload JKidd, despite the fact that he's never been better. Marcus Williams looks like he's gonna pan out, and 2 more years at over 40Mil is a lot to swallow for the aging Kidd. With Vinsanity also possibly about to opt out, Larry Hughes becomes massively more enticing to them, not to mention Z being the big man they're desperate for. As a cherry on top, they get to unload Collins, who is a deadbeat, and an expensive one to boot. For the Cavs, the upside is obvious; we upgrade from a bunch of deadbeats at PG to arguably the greatest man to ever run the point. If Bron and Kidd can't go all the way together, than they just weren't meant to be champs.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000
3. Z, DGoods & Larry Hughes---> Pau & Mike Miller---> Channing Frye & Jam Crawford
To be more precise: Cavs send Z to Memphis, Gooden & Hughes to New York. Memphis sends Pau and Miller to Cleveland, Brian Cardinal to New York. Knicks send Frye and Jerome James to Cleveland, Crawford, Jared Jeffries and Kelvin Cato to Memphis.
Why it works: Cavs get the best out of the deal, of course, getting Pau, Frye & Mike Miller, instantly becoming favorites to win it all. In the process we unload Gooden, Hughes and Z, and the only downside is we have to take on dead beat Jerome James. Memphis gets to downgrade from the vicious Pau at +12mil for the next 4 years, to Z at 10mil for the next 3. They also get Crawford, who I feel could actually breakout in Memphis, all by his lonesome. Memphis also gets to unload their worst contract, Cardinal at +5 mil for Jeffries, a superior player for the same price. They also get Cato, who they can release at the end of the season and save another million. The Knicks get a massive face lift, getting Gooden and Hughes, who would immediately replace Frye and Crawdaddy. They get to unload James (chump) but they do have to take on Cardinal (chump). So basically the Knicks break even, Memphis makes baby steps and the Cavs win it all. I like it.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000,967,854,567
1. Z and Drew Gooden to Minnesota for KG
More precisely; Z, Drew Gooden, Sasha Pavlovic, Scot Pollard, David Wesley, Dwayne Jones and Ira Newble to Minnesota for KG and Marko Jaric.
Why it works: On the face this looks like a total rip off for the Wolves, but step back and think about it. KG's gonna force a trade this off season, so what do they want out of it? It's rebuilding time, so they want to shave payroll, bring in a prospect or two and unload disgruntled employees with big contracts, but not to division (or even conference) rivals. In this they've found a perfect mate in the Cavs. We give them Pollard, Jones and Newble, (all in expiring contracts) which is like a free 6 million dollar write off. They get Wesley, cheap & with only one year to go on his contract, and still a potential contributor. They get Sasha, a budding prospect, but also in an expiring deal, so they can either re-sign or set him free for additional loot. They get back 2 very marketable and accomplished Big men in Z and Goodies for a 7 million dollar discount on KG and they get to unload one of their 3 disgruntled and expensive point guards. Actually the most expensive and disgruntled of the three, at that, in Marko Jaric. For the Cavs trouble, they get locked up in pricey contracts unto the apocalypse, but they also get to sport the 2 best players in the world, and get an upgrade at the point who can play and cover multiple positions. Granted, not the dream return on one of the greatest players to ever play the game, but it's better than being forced to dish him for another ultra expensive star who won't get them any closer to contention.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000,000,000
2. Z and Larry Hughes for Jason Kidd and Jason Collins
Why it works: This one is way less insane, I'd even describe it as a real possibility. New Jersey is looking to unload JKidd, despite the fact that he's never been better. Marcus Williams looks like he's gonna pan out, and 2 more years at over 40Mil is a lot to swallow for the aging Kidd. With Vinsanity also possibly about to opt out, Larry Hughes becomes massively more enticing to them, not to mention Z being the big man they're desperate for. As a cherry on top, they get to unload Collins, who is a deadbeat, and an expensive one to boot. For the Cavs, the upside is obvious; we upgrade from a bunch of deadbeats at PG to arguably the greatest man to ever run the point. If Bron and Kidd can't go all the way together, than they just weren't meant to be champs.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000
3. Z, DGoods & Larry Hughes---> Pau & Mike Miller---> Channing Frye & Jam Crawford
To be more precise: Cavs send Z to Memphis, Gooden & Hughes to New York. Memphis sends Pau and Miller to Cleveland, Brian Cardinal to New York. Knicks send Frye and Jerome James to Cleveland, Crawford, Jared Jeffries and Kelvin Cato to Memphis.
Why it works: Cavs get the best out of the deal, of course, getting Pau, Frye & Mike Miller, instantly becoming favorites to win it all. In the process we unload Gooden, Hughes and Z, and the only downside is we have to take on dead beat Jerome James. Memphis gets to downgrade from the vicious Pau at +12mil for the next 4 years, to Z at 10mil for the next 3. They also get Crawford, who I feel could actually breakout in Memphis, all by his lonesome. Memphis also gets to unload their worst contract, Cardinal at +5 mil for Jeffries, a superior player for the same price. They also get Cato, who they can release at the end of the season and save another million. The Knicks get a massive face lift, getting Gooden and Hughes, who would immediately replace Frye and Crawdaddy. They get to unload James (chump) but they do have to take on Cardinal (chump). So basically the Knicks break even, Memphis makes baby steps and the Cavs win it all. I like it.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000,967,854,567
Melvin Ely to the Spurs
Imagine my shock when this trade, Ely for Eric Williams and a 2008 2nd rounder, didn't send shockwaves through the league. Actually, this could be huge for Ely. Granted, nobody gets good minutes in San Antone, save for the big 3 (Duncan, Parker and Ginobes), but with Frankie Elson & Oh Boy Oberto underacheiving and nobody else with any size, Ely could be in for major minutes. And he's always responded well when given a look (see the last 2 years when Okafor spent more time on the bench than I did in JV Lacrosse).
Progs: Great steal for the Spurs in the short run. But don't be surprised when E Wills actually gets minutes in Charlotte (for some reason teams always think this guy is good...). And then definitely don't be surprised when Charlotte parlays the 2nd round pick into the next Gerald Wallace... In short, solid move for both teams.
Progs: Great steal for the Spurs in the short run. But don't be surprised when E Wills actually gets minutes in Charlotte (for some reason teams always think this guy is good...). And then definitely don't be surprised when Charlotte parlays the 2nd round pick into the next Gerald Wallace... In short, solid move for both teams.
Swag gets Tagged
Got a zap from my associate over at Sloppy All Around. He said I was "Tagged" and should write 6 personal things about myself and pass it on to 6 other bloggers. Well here you go Slopster...
1. I don't encourage, take part in or like people who perpetuate Chain Letters.
2. See #1
3. I don't know 6 bloggers, and I'm damn sure not forwarding this to Henry Abbott, Bill Simmons, the BasketBawful crew or Brian Windhorst.
4. I would wish this kind of obnoxious bullshit perpetrated on Gilbert Arenas and his probably retarded blog. But again, see #1.
5. I can't open my eyes under water.
6. I have to admit I do sort of find Nala (yes, the female lion from The Lion King) kind of hot. But in a strictly Jessica Rabbit sort of way, if you know what I mean...
So now I'm passing it on to all of you, my loyal Swagites. Write in to the Swag (ygalbot@gmail.com), or leave it in the comments section, with 6 personal things about you. You can leave it anonymous, or leave some personal info. I wanna hear your darkest secrets. C'mon, sidle up to the Cap'n and whisper in his ear...
1. I don't encourage, take part in or like people who perpetuate Chain Letters.
2. See #1
3. I don't know 6 bloggers, and I'm damn sure not forwarding this to Henry Abbott, Bill Simmons, the BasketBawful crew or Brian Windhorst.
4. I would wish this kind of obnoxious bullshit perpetrated on Gilbert Arenas and his probably retarded blog. But again, see #1.
5. I can't open my eyes under water.
6. I have to admit I do sort of find Nala (yes, the female lion from The Lion King) kind of hot. But in a strictly Jessica Rabbit sort of way, if you know what I mean...
So now I'm passing it on to all of you, my loyal Swagites. Write in to the Swag (ygalbot@gmail.com), or leave it in the comments section, with 6 personal things about you. You can leave it anonymous, or leave some personal info. I wanna hear your darkest secrets. C'mon, sidle up to the Cap'n and whisper in his ear...
C-Webb
I told you, didn't I? CWebb, despite his obvious shortcomings, was a great move for the Pistons. The bottom line, as I said at the time of the trade, is that the Pistons don't need Webb to motor up and down the floor, they just need him to rope in some boards, spread the defense, hit open shots and dish the rock at timely moments. Those are all things Webb has become an expert at. And not-too-surprisingly the Pistons are on fire and proving once again that they're the only real team in the East. News of they're demise was greatly exaggerated, and I fear come playoff time, the Cleveland faithful will once again be hearing that awful sound... "DE-TROIT BAS-KET-BALL!!"
Gilbert Arenas: Swagged!
Wow, the king of the douchebags promised 50, got 9 and then called out the one truly untouchable guy in Washington, Eddie Jordan. Fortunately Jordan absolutely owned Arenas. It was high time this jackass was put in his place. Hopefully Dirk will do it again next weekend in the 3 point competish. Promising to score a bunch of points against one of the coaches that cut you from the national team is just stupid. But if you're gonna do it, you better hope you come through on the promise, or at least have a solid game... or at the absolute least, win the damn game. Arenas did none of those things. The sting of this embarrassment should hopefully last through the playoffs.
Been Away
Sorry loyal Swaggers, I had a packed weekend. Had to play 2 shows, fix my computer and stop Two Face from robbing the First National Bank of Gotham and the Bank of America at the same time. Predictably enough it all came down to a situation where he was forced to flip a coin and I won. Don't worry though, the Cap'n's back in black!
Friday, February 9, 2007
correction
get my stud baller to d wade so everyone out there can drool at his stats (less TOs of course).
Obviously
Intuition just seems to keep whispering in my ear: "get this guy on every team immediately and don't look back"
This was a public service announcement. I'm not dead.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
If the Browns draft Brady Quinn or Troy Smith I will...
Absolutely go on a shooting spree. I'm talking rampage, blood, death, crying, the whole nine. The Browns need to draft 600 lb O-Line guys with every pick and hope 1 or 2 of them can be a competent blocker in the NFL. That or a Linebacker. Draftng offensive players out of college is the biggest crap shoot there is. If a guy is good enough to be a defensive stud in college, he will be solid in the NFL, the same does not go for WRs, RBs and QBs. The reason is that most High School defensive beasts get to college only to be turned into Wideouts and TEs, whereas if a guy is so beastly on D that he remains on D in college and can stop the flurry of physically gifted (but empty headed) college running backs and WRs, there's a much higher chance he'll be a baller in the pros. Ignore Mario what's-his-name from last year (which is not to say he's not solid, just not worth the #1 pick).
John Amaechi, JR Rider, Stephen Jackson
What do these three men have in common? Wait, let me rephrase that. One of these things is not like the other... Get it? Maybe not, I'm not talking about the fact that Amaechi sleeps with dudes. I'm talking about the fact that he's now the only one of the 3 with whom it will be consensual. That's right everybody, JR Rider's going to jail and SteJax is in court this April. I have a feeling they will both be calling an even bigger, meaner dude "daddy," in the near future. And to be honest, SteJax has always struck me as the kind of aggressive, homophobic, ass who might give a guy like Amaechi shit just 'cause he's gay. Rider has been in and out of trouble for years. Sad news. Amaechi however gets props for starting the trend. He's put the assholes of the league under the gun; start accepting, or start packing. Guys who are prejudiced against homosexuals will be outed and the bad PR will devastate their wallets. Just sit back and watch the assholes change their tunes. And then see if the league doesn't start airing games on Bravo in the next few years...
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Cavs Rumblings
This from Cavs.com:
Danny Ferry: We have been, and will be, exploring the trade market to see if we can improve the ball club. If there is an opportunity that makes us better we will pull the trigger, but we're not going to make a trade just to mix things up.
This from the Chicago Tribune (they're referring to the Pau Gasol deal being mulled by Chitown and Memphis):
Actually, with Andres Nocioni out injured and uncertainty about how that might affect a deal, it's likely the teams will go searching for third parties looking to get involved, perhaps like Portland with Zach Randolph and Jamaal Magloire, the Nets with Vince Carter, the Cavs with Larry Hughes and Anderson Varajeo and the Magic with Grant Hill's expiring contract.
And this from me:
Danny Ferry's an ass. Mike Brown is a shitty head coach (though there's evidence to suggest he's a great assistant coach). Larry Hughes might as well hold a gun to Ferry's head, so his theft of 13 mil a year will be considered armed robbery and he'll get more respect in jail. If we end up in 3 team talks with the Bulls and Grizz and we don't walk away with a massive upgrade from Hughes (read: Luol Deng or Pau Gasol) we might as well fold the team and send Bronny packing for the big apple.
Interesting Factoids: Larry Hughes makes 1 million dollars more per year than Pau Gasol. Larry Hughes has webbed feat and he speaks fluent Klingon. Larry Hughes is so soft his only endorsement deals are from Ace Bandages, The Original Mattress Factory, and the company that makes Peeps (marshmallow chickens)
Danny Ferry: We have been, and will be, exploring the trade market to see if we can improve the ball club. If there is an opportunity that makes us better we will pull the trigger, but we're not going to make a trade just to mix things up.
This from the Chicago Tribune (they're referring to the Pau Gasol deal being mulled by Chitown and Memphis):
Actually, with Andres Nocioni out injured and uncertainty about how that might affect a deal, it's likely the teams will go searching for third parties looking to get involved, perhaps like Portland with Zach Randolph and Jamaal Magloire, the Nets with Vince Carter, the Cavs with Larry Hughes and Anderson Varajeo and the Magic with Grant Hill's expiring contract.
And this from me:
Danny Ferry's an ass. Mike Brown is a shitty head coach (though there's evidence to suggest he's a great assistant coach). Larry Hughes might as well hold a gun to Ferry's head, so his theft of 13 mil a year will be considered armed robbery and he'll get more respect in jail. If we end up in 3 team talks with the Bulls and Grizz and we don't walk away with a massive upgrade from Hughes (read: Luol Deng or Pau Gasol) we might as well fold the team and send Bronny packing for the big apple.
Interesting Factoids: Larry Hughes makes 1 million dollars more per year than Pau Gasol. Larry Hughes has webbed feat and he speaks fluent Klingon. Larry Hughes is so soft his only endorsement deals are from Ace Bandages, The Original Mattress Factory, and the company that makes Peeps (marshmallow chickens)
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Update: Gilbert Arenas is Indeed a Dick.
And I still don't mean detective. Remember that video of Arenas acting like an assbutt during a 3 pt. challenge against teammate DeShawn Stevenson? I just posted it yesterday. Well peep this from the Washington Post (via HoopsHype):
DeShawn's thoughts about Gilbert at the time: "He kind of cheated me, everybody on the team said it. He was in my face. I think he was kind of scared I was gonna win. But you know, that's Gil. Gil's going to try to find a way to try to win. It was a tough loss....But he knows what he did, and I'm not talking to him right now.") Anyhow, I asked DeShawn this morning whether they were friends again, and he assured me that they were. "That's my boy, man," DeShawn said. "I could never get mad at Gil, man, that's my boy. You know, me and him are very competitive, so we're gonna go back at it." Washington Post / February 5
DeShawn's thoughts about Gilbert at the time: "He kind of cheated me, everybody on the team said it. He was in my face. I think he was kind of scared I was gonna win. But you know, that's Gil. Gil's going to try to find a way to try to win. It was a tough loss....But he knows what he did, and I'm not talking to him right now.") Anyhow, I asked DeShawn this morning whether they were friends again, and he assured me that they were. "That's my boy, man," DeShawn said. "I could never get mad at Gil, man, that's my boy. You know, me and him are very competitive, so we're gonna go back at it." Washington Post / February 5
I tried to interview DeShawn Stevenson and got a couple of things from him despite Gilbert's constant background chatter about how he took $20,000 from DeShawn in that shooting game the other day. Gilbert has now taken to calling DeShawn: "Second" as in he finished second. DeShawn simply calls Gilbert a cheater and pointed out that Gilbert didn't hesitate to hit him with a pass at the end of the first quarter when DeShawn drained a three-pointer. Washington Post
Monday, February 5, 2007
Finally The Dream is Realized (sarcasm)
Awesome Damon Jones gets an 83rd opportunity to embarrass the Cavs this season. I can't tell if Rip is saying that stuff in a pejorative tone. I hope so, 'cause Damon Jones is a jackass. Read these goodies from the Cleveland Plain Dealer (by way of HoopsHype):
The NBA will announce the field of 3-point shooters for the Feb. 17 contest later today, and according to league sources, Jones will be among a field that includes Dallas forward Dirk Nowitzki, who won the title last year over Washington's Gilbert Arenas and Seattle's Ray Allen in the final round. Pistons guard Rip Hamilton said Jones deserves a place in the competition.
With Jones in the contest, especially with the world watching, there is a good chance he will either say, do or wear something outrageous. This is the same player who wore a leopard sport coat during the postseason and a red velvet sport coat during last year's All-Star Game. "No matter what happens, he's going to be funny," Hamilton said. "I can't wait to see it. A lot of people in the league can't wait to see what he's going to do." Cleveland Plain Dealer
Gilbert Arenas is a Dick
And I don't mean detective. Here's some youtube video of him beating teammate Deshawn Stevenson in a 3 point shooting competish. Gilbert, shooting one handed, hits 73/100. But if you have a spare 10 minutes, watch Arenas act like a total jackass in trying to prevent Steve-O from hitting his shots. I can only hope that Deshawn took the opportunity to beat the snot out of Arenas in the locker room.
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