Meaningless Conjecture

I am into appeasement. Au, our only loyal reader, requested this, and I am ready to appease. Consider me the France of bloggers. Au pondered if Z's personal reasons for skipping the Cavs coming road trip are related to the fact that the Cavs would probably trade him for three twinkies and a roll of nickles at this point, as if anyone would ever offer that much. Harsh? Maybe. And I love Big Z, but for +9 mil a year he can get busy on the boards or get busy on my nuts. That may have been crude and blunt, but you don't want a 44Mil albatross around yer neck only to find that the "start" of his rapid decline is like the deepest valley of Shaq's decline. Z went from All-Star, to elite non-allstar Big Man, to waiver wire fodder like he was Erick Dampier after signing a contract. And Damp's post money decline was so fast he went back in time and got to prevent his parents from not meeting and falling in love. So here are some possible trade opportunes for the Cavs to unload the most famous Z since the Gay Blade (that isn't a homophobic dig, it's a movie reference you gutter-minded illiterates...):

1. Z and Drew Gooden to Minnesota for KG
More precisely; Z, Drew Gooden, Sasha Pavlovic, Scot Pollard, David Wesley, Dwayne Jones and Ira Newble to Minnesota for KG and Marko Jaric.
Why it works: On the face this looks like a total rip off for the Wolves, but step back and think about it. KG's gonna force a trade this off season, so what do they want out of it? It's rebuilding time, so they want to shave payroll, bring in a prospect or two and unload disgruntled employees with big contracts, but not to division (or even conference) rivals. In this they've found a perfect mate in the Cavs. We give them Pollard, Jones and Newble, (all in expiring contracts) which is like a free 6 million dollar write off. They get Wesley, cheap & with only one year to go on his contract, and still a potential contributor. They get Sasha, a budding prospect, but also in an expiring deal, so they can either re-sign or set him free for additional loot. They get back 2 very marketable and accomplished Big men in Z and Goodies for a 7 million dollar discount on KG and they get to unload one of their 3 disgruntled and expensive point guards. Actually the most expensive and disgruntled of the three, at that, in Marko Jaric. For the Cavs trouble, they get locked up in pricey contracts unto the apocalypse, but they also get to sport the 2 best players in the world, and get an upgrade at the point who can play and cover multiple positions. Granted, not the dream return on one of the greatest players to ever play the game, but it's better than being forced to dish him for another ultra expensive star who won't get them any closer to contention.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000,000,000

2. Z and Larry Hughes for Jason Kidd and Jason Collins
Why it works: This one is way less insane, I'd even describe it as a real possibility. New Jersey is looking to unload JKidd, despite the fact that he's never been better. Marcus Williams looks like he's gonna pan out, and 2 more years at over 40Mil is a lot to swallow for the aging Kidd. With Vinsanity also possibly about to opt out, Larry Hughes becomes massively more enticing to them, not to mention Z being the big man they're desperate for. As a cherry on top, they get to unload Collins, who is a deadbeat, and an expensive one to boot. For the Cavs, the upside is obvious; we upgrade from a bunch of deadbeats at PG to arguably the greatest man to ever run the point. If Bron and Kidd can't go all the way together, than they just weren't meant to be champs.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000

3. Z, DGoods & Larry Hughes---> Pau & Mike Miller---> Channing Frye & Jam Crawford
To be more precise: Cavs send Z to Memphis, Gooden & Hughes to New York. Memphis sends Pau and Miller to Cleveland, Brian Cardinal to New York. Knicks send Frye and Jerome James to Cleveland, Crawford, Jared Jeffries and Kelvin Cato to Memphis.
Why it works: Cavs get the best out of the deal, of course, getting Pau, Frye & Mike Miller, instantly becoming favorites to win it all. In the process we unload Gooden, Hughes and Z, and the only downside is we have to take on dead beat Jerome James. Memphis gets to downgrade from the vicious Pau at +12mil for the next 4 years, to Z at 10mil for the next 3. They also get Crawford, who I feel could actually breakout in Memphis, all by his lonesome. Memphis also gets to unload their worst contract, Cardinal at +5 mil for Jeffries, a superior player for the same price. They also get Cato, who they can release at the end of the season and save another million. The Knicks get a massive face lift, getting Gooden and Hughes, who would immediately replace Frye and Crawdaddy. They get to unload James (chump) but they do have to take on Cardinal (chump). So basically the Knicks break even, Memphis makes baby steps and the Cavs win it all. I like it.
Chances it'll happen: 1/1,000,967,854,567